The Joy of Being Yourself

Our entire culture is based on a fabricated lie. A lie so simple, and yet the ramifications are more widespread than we can really grasp or imagine. We are told from every angle, except maybe the one at home sometimes, growing up that we aren't good enough or we are different. Sometimes we are told outright, but most of the time it is so subtle that entire companies and empires have built themselves around making people feel better about themselves in a number of different ways. From the clothing ads up at the mall with mostly naked men and women wearing hardly anything more than some form of shirt to the commercials on tv for the new blockbuster movie coming soon the mainstream media culture bases everything on perpetuating the idea that people are not good enough as they are and the only way to fit in is to buy this pair of shoes or this diamond bracelet. The skinny model in hardly any workout clothes running down the track on the 20 second television ad is trying to sell new sneakers. How? Sex appeal. When that doesn't work show people what they want and tell them you'll give it to him. The problem is everything people want is unrealistic because we are all set on making our dreams unobtainable so as to never actually achieve the goals we set for ourselves. Everyone wants to be thin, pretty, sexy, hot and on and on. Everyone wants to look good in work out clothes and sneakers. By showing you what you want to see, what you want for yourself, and wrapping up whatever product in bright shiny cellophane paper to put on display for the world to see, they make money off our self-perpetuated unrealistic ideas that were placed there by them in the first place.
If we thought that we were just as good the way we were we wouldn't buy the new skinny jean to look cute at work or the sex enhancement drugs in every gas station (note each pack is a different combination of pills of different shapes and sizes - always thought that was a bit weird). We wouldn't buy the new phone just to fit in or the new sunglasses that will make you popular with your friends. There are times that secretly we all want our friends or co-workers to be just a little envious of our social life, clothes, ideas, etc. etc. We want to feel envied because then it makes us feel better off or more superior than someone else. We want other people to notice us. That is why we all try to fit in. This is pretty much what middle and high school are all about. Anyway, these messages are thrown at us every second of every day from the time that we can start remembering. The problem is we ourselves and we as a society perpetuate the myth of the perfectly ideal person. We don't always do it on purpose, but because it has already been engrained in us. 

How do we wake up and see the problem? The first step is to accept yourself for who you are and see that you don't have to be like the "perfect" person on tv. You are important because you are you. There is only one you and there will only ever be one you which makes you both unique and valuable. We all have things about us we can work on like anger or sex or swearing or whatever it is for you, but our identity will always be the same no matter what we or anyone else does. If we will always be ourselves, why do we need to worry about changing things about ourselves to make us blend in better with society? The answer is we don't need to worry. Realize that. Stop. Think about the fact that you are you, sitting or standing wherever you are, pause and realize that you are already the way you are supposed to be. It's a hard thing to do, very hard. And just because you become enlightened it does not mean that you still won't be drawn back toward the darkness on and off. The temptation is always there, which is why we truly must change our mindset and worldview to include accepting and loving ourselves. 

Everything we do and learn is a process, a learning process, that can take anywhere from a few moments to a lifetime. The same is true for learning to accept yourself. It won't happen overnight. For me it took years for the message to really start to sink in. Just keep reminding yourself, give yourself reminders around you to help trigger the memory of yourself periodically throughout the day. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate or time consuming. Every month I take my snowman post it notes and put them together to make a snowman on my monthly desk calendar. I'll outline it in different colors and maybe add a hat or something, but I always write "Smile Now" across the middle of the snowman. Every month I get to do it all again and it helps remind me why I do it. Even when I'm so angry I want to scream or so depressed I want to sob in the bathroom alone, when I see that note I can't help but laugh or at least smile. All I can think is "seriously, if anyone knew I did this they would think I was retarded." But that alone makes me smile or laugh; laughing at my own attempt to encourage myself makes me smile which in turn lifts my spirits and helps me keep going a little bit longer. You can do anything. Whatever has meaning to you. Maybe a note on the mirror or a figure on the dashboard in your truck or one of the kid's  finger paintings hung on the fridge. Find whatever drives you. Whatever inspires you and gives you strength. It's all about you, and it doesn't always have to be the same thing all the time. I'll probably keep doing my snowman post its until I run out and then maybe I'll put a sticker on my day planner. Or any other number of things I'll think up between now and then. Use the things that make you smile. When you smile it's like giving yourself a hug, and we all know how good it feels to get a truly good hug. That smile is an inward reflection of acceptance. Didn't think a smile could do all that did you? If you don't believe me try it. After a week of consciously making yourself smile, if you aren't happier in life then I'll shut up. But I've never seen that happen. I've never heard of it happening. I doubt it ever will. Get to brainstorming for a while, ponder while you work or drive. What reminds you of just how awesomely unique you are?