If Love Is The Expression Of Joy, Then Hate Can Bring Nothing But An Absence of Joy

Today was one of the weirdest days at work that I have probably ever had. I have heard hate speech before and I, just like everyone else, have been insulted before. Today was the first time though that I was straight up told by someone that not only are gay people sinners and equal to that of murderers and theives but that all gay people were living in sin and therefore going to hell. Throw in some bible verses she doesn't even understand herself (I grew up Southern Baptist and attended a Southern Baptist University for a semester in Tennessee - I know my bible). I was dumbfounded to say the very least. I mean I have thought mean things about people before but I've never gone to that level. On top of that this all happened at work, in front of other staff and one of the clients at the home. I was so frustrated and upset my hands were trembling. I remember standing up and going to collect my things after a few minutes and heading over to the other house I am the RN for as well. I just had to get out of there. When she had kept going I stood up from the table, looked at her and firmly told her that this conversation was over. But she kept going. And going. Eventually I told her that the topic was now dropped and she needed to forget about it (I'm an administrator don't worry). For hours afterward and then again in the afternoon when I discussed it with our head administrator I was so upset and angry that I couldn't help but tremble and shake. It threw my mind off and ruined my whole day in a way. It bothered me even more because there were other staff who I knew were gay as well there, but luckily they were away in another room. The shock was overwhelming, I knew people thought things like that, but who would ever say those things out loud? The hate unleashed upon all who witnessed it took away any joy I was holding onto. 

I should have been strong enough to not let it phase me, or at least held on to some part of my joy in order to not let it ruin my day. What can I say though? I could not believe it had happened and more than that I was hurt. I tried not to let that part show but I was very hurt. More than that I felt uncomfortable being around her. Not so much because I was mad at her but because I didn't even know what to say to her. How am I supposed to talk to her? It's one thing to know that someone has beliefs that probably go against you or what you believe in, but to be told straight up to your face that someone thinks you are a bad person and going to hell is a terrible feeling. I know now how she really feels about me deep down. That does hurt a little.  

Of course I thought about or held it in the back of my mind the rest of the day and on the drive home. I decided though to just go home, take a nap, rest and collect my thoughts after that. When I woke up I felt a little bit better but still off somehow. I thought about the day for a little bit and finally came to one conclusion, there was only one thing to do. I had to just move on and forget what she said, after all it is just her opinion, and at work just keep things professional and only talk when needed and necessary and only about the immediate topic at hand. I couldn't undo what happened but I could put it behind me and use it as a reminder of how not to treat others. As I have said love is our outward expression of joy, we must first start with our own happiness and then we can send that out into the world to make a difference. When we send hate out into the world, instead of spreading joy, we suck up joy from those around us. Hate is poisonous, which is why it can never be tolerated in any way. It's like an orange tree, when the tree is taken care of the right way it gives healthy great-tasting fruit and when it is neglected or treated wrong the tree will either bear no fruit or the fruit it bears will be rotten. What kind of tree do you want to be? Cut out any poisonous influences in your life, they will only sabatogue your joy. Prune out the bad limbs and branches. Don't allow others to drip their poisonous rot onto your leaves. Hate should never be tolerated, even hate directed at someone else is still poison to all who hear - including you.