What Does It Mean To Embrace Your Own Joy?

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/29/what-does-it-mean-to-embrace-your-own-joy/

Imagination

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/29/imagination/

Being Joyful

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/28/being-joyful/

Reflection

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FREE GIVEAWAY PROMOTION WITH FREE DOWNLOAD OF THE MERMAID'S KEY: A NOVELLA! CHECK OUT THE FACEBOOK PAGE NOW!

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FREE iTUNES BOOK - The Mermaid's Key: A Novella
The legends are real, partly. Atargatis, the first mermaid, was an ancient witch thrown into the sea by the hostile and fearful townspeople who didn’t understand the magic they knew and sensed. What they didn’t see was the consequences of their actions, Atargatis’ use of magic and the creation of the mermaid with all of its magical abilities. Centuries later Ariana, a young daughter of the clan leader, lives her life in torment, torn between her love of everything under the ocean and the beauty of the boundless sky above. She discovers Theodore, a human, and falls so much in love that she can’t fathom a life without him - an ideal that she will go to any length to stand by. What you think you know is but a small part of a much larger story, one that before now has never been told. Love is simply a transfer of energy from one of us to another, all of us connected in a web that we simply label “The Universe.” Love and sacrifice have consequences, some which can never be foreseen.

The Most Precious Thing I Own Is My Wedding Ring

So, let's start with a reality check. I never had a boyfriend or significant other in middle or high school. My first relationship, an extremely toxic one that damaged me for a long time, happened when I was 17 with a man who was 24. That was a really bad time in my life. Before that the most exposure I had to romance and love was in the books I read and the movies I watched. I thought life was a Disney movie and those in love acted just as if they were in Romeo & Juliet. I learned a painful lesson in a hard way. I isolated myself from my family and friends and became reliant on the person tearing me down. All of this to say that my view of love was shattered. The only thing I ever dreamed of growing up was getting married, having that man who looks into my eyes and tells me he only wants me. Someone who would want to take care of me, who would want to sweep me off my feet and give me the world. I thought, and still do most of the time, of myself as nothing and all I wanted was that feeling of being loved and having someone else believe I was worth something. Something more than I could see. After that first relationship I never thought I would recover, a lot of very bad and dark things happened and it took me years to come to terms with it. But eventually I did; I still stayed out of relationships though. My next one wasn't until just before I graduated college in Tennessee and lasted only for a few months. After graduation and after I moved to LA I had maybe a handful of short-lived relationships that never went beyond the surface. 

My faith in love began to disappear. In the bright shining lights of Hollywood it was hard to see love anywhere. But, just like that, out of the blue, he appeared. We met online, today something that isn't so unconventional anymore, and hit it off right away. I know from the first night I met him he was the one. I was dating someone at the time, someone I had caught cheating on me more than once, and as I walked my newfound love out that first night I remember turning around the hallway corner and thinking about what I was going to do and say to my boyfriend to make sure I got to see this man again. Maybe it sounds bad, but to go from being treated like crap to being put first is an amazing difference. I never had anyone treat me the way he did. He forced us to move slow and stay friends for a few months before we made a move. And I remember that first move - a night out with our friends, feelings I could no longer hold back, liquor, loud music, a speaker and a kiss. A first kiss. One I will never forget. That started it all. 

It was the first time in my life that I felt truly special, really and truly wanted by someone. For someone like me who spent most of my life believing I wasn't good enough to be loved this was something unfathomable. Something so new it was overwhelming. I was diagnosed with bi-polar when I was 17 and it has been a long and rough journey up and down and all around. It taught me to hate myself for who I was and hate the things I did that I couldn't control. I couldn't, and sometimes still can't, separate me from my disease. I see myself as bi-polar and not me. My husband was the first person to see through that and see me for who I really am. I didn't see myself as worthy of anyone's love and I excepted to spend my life alone, always searching for someone who wasn't there. 

But I did find that person, or rather he found me. Through all the chaos and the mess, when I was least expecting it, he swept me off my feet and carried me away. I still can't believe it's true. It's so fantastical to me. The downside now is living with the bi-polar while I am with the love of my life. The ups and downs don't stop, they never go away. I can be so mean and uncaring without even realizing it. I can be terrible. I hate it, and it makes me hate myself even more. I cant fathom or understand why my husband has faith in me or even still loves me. No matter how I treat him he takes care of me and loves me and goes out of his way to protect me. I would do anything for him, and I do every chance I get. 

Our wedding rings are Tungsten Steel and Meteorite; our love is to infinity and beyond, as is inscribed on the inner side of the band. My wedding band is the most important and invaluable thing I own. It means the world to me, and more. I never thought I would get one, that someone would love me enough to give me one. When I put it on or see it on my finger it reminds me not only of the love that my husband and I share but also that I am worthy of being loved and someone out there thinks so. Yes I know I should believe that myself, and I do to a point, but my disease blinds me to it. This reminder keeps me going when I want to give up. It gives me strength and reminds me of what I have. To everyone out there, single and married, love is out there for you - don't forget. I went through hell and back before it found me, and it was only after I stopped looking. Never give up. Never. This morning my husband left for work before I got up, and after I got up to get ready and went into the kitchen I saw the surprise he had left me. Sitting there on the counter were two notes with a sandwich and chips for my lunch and my coffee ready to be made. I am loved so much and it means the world to me; the best gift in life is realizing someone loves you. Take a moment and show the people you love just how much they mean to you. It will mean the world to them. 

Tami Tuesdays #8 - Love Yourself

Love and respect yourself! Everyone is unique and special. No one has the right to bring you down in any manner, shape or form. Know your strengths and weaknesses and just love yourself. No one needs negativity in their life, and while you are at it, throw a little love and positive energy someone else's way. Pay it forward.Peace and Love!

Tami is exactly right, no one else can love or respect you until you can love and respect yourself. It's not always an easy thing to do, and sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn and master. In the meantime though we have to constantly be working on ourselves and working toward that love and respect. If you can't love yourself, it is impossible not only for others to love you but also to love others. We learn how to love through our relationship with ourselves and the growth that we go through everyday. Life can be mean and tough and hard, we have to shield ourselves from all of that using all of our strength and the tools we have available such as our husbands or wives, friends, family, co-workers and on and on. Know who you are and learn to love that person. If there is something you don't like about yourself start working on changing it. Change doesn't happen overnight, the respect for yourself comes in when you allow yourself the time and patience to keep trying until you do get it right. Never give up, you're worth it. And so is the love you have to share. 

Joyful Jenny #6 - The Beauty Within

Beauty is something to value. Lots of people only look at the beauty on the outside. Like I say though, Physical appearance is something. But it's not everything. Many people are insecure because there are many famous people and models that have a certain figure. That leads us to believe that we have to look like that model on the front page
of the magazine. But we don't have to. The beauty is all on the inside. I don't think you should judge anyone on their appearance. It might be the first thing you see, yeah. But just because they're not physically attractive, doesn't mean you shouldn't take the time to see what they're like on the inside. Personally? I am insecure about many things. I am insecure on many levels, actually. I'm insecure because I know that I'm not the most attractive girl in the world. That's only because society has manipulated us into thinking we have to look a certain way. But I recently realized that your looks don't matter. But I'm also insecure of my personality. I'm afraid that people won't like the way I am. That honestly
terrifies me. There are times where some of us look in the mirror and don't like what we see. We try so hard to impress others with our looks but that's not how it should be. Girls sometimes think make up makes them look better. Honestly, it covers the real beauty. We're all
beautifully and wonderfully made. We shouldn't cover that up with a bunch of cosmetics. Be your natural, beautiful, and unique self. I'll admit, insecurity can destroy you in a mental way. It makes you think negatively towards yourself. But we need to start focusing on what really matters. Personality is a big part of you and we need to embrace it. If we start to focus on others and our self aside from
looks, I'm sure we can find so much more positivity. If we start to believe that we are beautiful no matter what, we will start to find some joy in not just others but within ourselves too. That is very
important. The beauty within you is what makes you. If you're insecure, start to think positive thoughts. Tell yourself you're beautiful every morning. It will help. Stay positive and be yourself. You're beautiful and unique in your own way. Don't let society or anyone tell you otherwise. Remember... You're
beautiful.

It's All About Perspective

Back at one of my favorite spots, the Los Angeles Zoo. Perspective is something that we often don't put much thought into, but it so importantly shapes our outlook on and interpretation of life and the world around us. By altering ones perspective one alters his or her outlook and demeanor, but it can go either way. What can go up can also go down, our perspective can downshift or upgrade depending on which perspective we allow ourselves to look through. 

Standing there at the zoo I looked up and heard the waterfall before I saw it. I love waterfalls, any moving water at all really. So relaxing, so beautiful, so alive. It took me a couple of minutes to realize what I was really looking at. Standing there on top of the rock outcrop was a beautiful bird that I believe was from Africa. The colors on it were so bright and vivid, especially contrasted with the black of so many of its feathers. I also noticed that right next to me was a telescope to help better view the birds and animals there on top of the rock and in the surrounding areas. I laughed to myself. What a great metaphor. Using the tools around me that I hadn't taken the time to see, I could have seen the bird up close as soon as I arrived at the spot. I tend to get consumed though and forget about everything else. I tend to get lost in certain things. I become so enthralled by something or someone that I don't even see the rest of the world happening all around. It's moments like those that we have to stretch and get up, get moving. Look for the telescopes around you, the things that will help give you perspective. The things that will help open your eyes to the world around you and truly see. So often we get caught up in the beauty and excitement of something new or something we love and we miss the fact that there are so many other beautiful and amazing things out there. Why limit ourselves to just one when the world is vast and full of wonder?

"The Wisdom of Joy From Jerry" #3 - My Grandson Daniel

Do you know what really brings joy to my life? After having 6 kids and 6 grandkids I haven't, until now, had the opportunity nor the time to really be there every step of the way for one of them as they grew up. Retirement has its benefits. Three, and sometimes more, days a week I watch my grandson Daniel. We spend most of the day together, at least half of it alone. He's my little buddy. It's amazing to see the rate of development of the human mind and witness it's exponential experimental growth. It is phenomenal to be able to witness something like that. He is two, going on three here in June. He's been talking for a while now, but to witness him go from sounds to individual words to sentences and where he is now is something they will always amaze me. It is interesting, if you listen closely they speak in thoughts instead of sentences or formed ideas. You can literally listen to them work things out. 

There are times Daniel will just look at me out of the corner of his eyes like a little miniature adult, as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking. Watching him play brings me so much joy, we have a lot of fun together. He loves playing with his new Jet Planes. He will pick them up, lift them high in the air and run around telling everyone that the Jet Planes are coming and to watch their ears. Then he will make his Jet Engine sounds as he maneuvers them all over the house. The greatest learning curve in life is supposed to be somewhere around three or so until about age seven. If he is this amazing now I can't fathom the strides he is about to take, and so quickly at that. I can sit and have a conversation with him now, it's unbelievable; no more babytalk. It is also one of the greatest gifts I never would have thought to ask for. After always being so busy and taken up with work being retired is welcome and freeing. I never thought I would be able to spend that free time with my little guy Daniel. He turns three in less than a month and as my wife retires at the end of the month there will be more people around in the mornings and afternoons. Not that I don't love that as well, but I really do treasure and cherish those moments we had and have between us. It's not often in life you get an opportunity like that, an opportunity to really connect with and help shape someone. It's a two way street as well, as you shape someone else they shape you as well. Having Daniel brings me so much Joy and the opportunity to be there for him gives me more Joy than almost anything else. I thank God everyday for all of my kids and grandkids and my wife; family is everything in the end, when you are there for each other it help lifts everyone up and promotes growth and learning which fosters hope and courage leading to strength. Human beings are amazing and intricate creatures; the fact alone that we are living, that the billions and billions of things necessary for our survival go right at the right time and all together, is reason enough to bring all of us Joy. We are living. Don't ever forget that, it's something that is surprisingly easily forgotten. 

One Step At A Time, Never Thinking Of More Than What Surrounds You

My biggest problems in life have always been depression and anxiety. Even when I was a kid I remember lying in bed at night and praying for the safety and health of me, my family, my friends, my friend's family, friends of my friends and their families too. Over and over I would go through everything in my head like a practiced rhythm, making sure to include every tiny detail and person. I would pray for people I didn't know, for strangers and neighbors. I couldn't stand the thought or worry over someone being hurt, and believe it or not those thoughts were always there no matter what I did. But if I went through my rituals it helped me cope and made things more bearable. I of course have always missed the fact that the problem isn't trying to find rituals to cope but to learn to live without the anxiety to begin with. Taking it day by day has always been a foreign concept to me, therefore so has happiness. I mean, I know what it feels like to be happy, but true happiness I didn't discover until a few short years ago. I still struggle today, but it is much easier than before. Learning how to live both Joyfully and Mindfully have guided me to a life not free of bad things and negativity, but free of needless anxiety and worry over things that are neither under my control nor even necessary to worry about. 

I have ground my teeth bad since I was a young kid, probably starting in high school. By the time I got to college the dentist asked if I had a stressful job because I had ground my k9's completely flat, all of my teeth were and are now completely flat. When I get really stressed I will do it throughout the day without even realizing. That's when the headaches get really bad, although I still get plenty in the mornings from nighttime grinding. The sound, just thinking about it makes me cringe and tremble. I wear a night guard now and it helps most of the time. The point is I really take anxiety to heart and I don't let go. It has really been a challenge for me to let go of the reigns and allow myself to just be. When you think about it though, it is all we truly have. The here and now, what is right in front of us. That is life, our lives. The lives we are supposed to be living. All we have is today because we really have no freaking idea if we will be alive tomorrow. That thought has terrified me since I was a little kid, knowing I could and would eventually die any day of any number of things. That is what makes life precious, that is what makes it mean something. We are only here for a short time and what we do in that time is what matters. Our lives have value because they are mortal. Just like a rose has its value because it will eventually wilt and die and no longer be beautiful. 

We have to think of life like a flower, it's going to end sometime in the future and we have to live every moment to the fullest because we don't know how many of them we are going to get. You never know what you have until it's gone. I wear my mala beads everyday under my shirt to work, to the store, around the house, and they are amazingly calming. There are times where I won't have too long but I will stop for even just a few seconds and recite my mantra moving bead to bead and focusing my intention and thoughts. It makes me feel safe, it makes me feel a little stronger. My mantra helps too. That's the first step. Pick one for yourself if you don't have one, think about it and make it something that is important to you. Something that has meaning. Something that is relatively short and easy to remember and repeat. Make it something that describes who you feel you really are, make it something to give you strength and empower you. I was walking through the multi-level and multi-enclosure Aviary at the LA Zoo the other day when I saw this staircase going down. I was so busy looking over the edge at the birds and small animals that I took each step slowly and carefully and used the railing to help my clumsy self. It reminded me of being mindful and living in the present, literally taking it one step at a time. The path ahead curved downward, how fitting to complete the metaphor for life. You don't know what's coming, no one does. Live today to the fullest while making sure tomorrow is secured. Don't waste time over worry and unnecessary stress, all stress is unnecessary by the way. Things will always get rough, find your mantra and be mindful. Taking it one step, one day, at a time is the best place to start when you want to take control of your life and turn it into one filled with Joy and free of anxiety and stress. 

Tami Tuesdays #4 - Go Do Something!

Alas, this Tuesday I have too many ideas and can't seem to focus on just one. So instead I shall make suggestions, suggestions to help each of you find the joy that's all around you.
1) Put together a music mix of personal theme songs that makes you happy and gets you through the day!
2) Try a flavor of ice cream you have never tried before.
3) Commit a random act of kindness. I did today and it felt great!
4) Do a favor for someone, mow an elderly neighbors lawn or run an errand for a sick friend.
5) Do some Spring cleaning and donate to Goodwill or have a yard sale.
6) Get up in the morning, wash your face, brush your teeth and walk out the door. Something good will happen to you!      


There are a million different ways to find Joy, here are a list of some of the ways I use and paths I take. Try one out for yourself, try your own thing, just keep trying.

The Joy of Doing Things For Others - Especially When It's An Unexpected Surprise

One of my favorite things in life is doing things for other people; because I am shy it is mostly for my family, friends and coworkers, but I love it none the less. You should see me at Christmas time. It's crazy, and so is my credit card statement. It doesn't really bother me though. I really love going out of my way picking things out for my mom, my dad, my brother, his wife and my nephew Daniel. Oh, and Grandma too and of course my husband. I love finding those random unique things out that you would never find anywhere else. I love just thinking about how big it will make them smile. Gift giving, from the heart, is one of the easiest and most sure-fired ways of spreading Joy. It doesn't have to be something big in any way, it just has to have some meaning behind it. Maybe it's getting your best friend a copy of the movie you guys used to watch everyday in college, or maybe it's bringing in coffee for everyone at work in the morning. It could just be giving someone an extra piece of chocolate or candy, anything. True gift giving means taking something of yourself and giving it to another with the sole intention of bringing them Joy.
Gift giving can be so easy today, at work when I do my in-services three or four times a year I always have a Jeopardy or Review game with candy. All I do is go to the 99-cents store and spend less than $5 on bags of candy. Of course everyone loves it when I teach the in-service, because they love the candy. What they don't also see is how much they learn in the process without realizing it. Even then, everyone always smiles when they get a question right, even with a helpful nudge, and get some candy out of it. It was a way for me to teach what I had to professionally while also spreading Joy as well. Something small and negligent, but being mindful and in the moment, something that brought just a little bit of Joy to people's day where they normally wouldn't get any.
Lots of times people ask us for favors or assistance with things, and in that way do something for them by giving the gift of time and whatever else it is that you have that they obviously don't. It feels good to take time to stop and ask someone if they need help with something. What about the old woman loading groceries in her car or the friend asking for a ride to work. There are the times where we can passively say yes and still cause some Joy, but the times that really mean something are those active times when we stand up and take action without provocation to try and make someone else a little more Joyful. The look on someone's face when you truly surprise them out of nowhere is the best. I remember the giant box with my candy and t shirt and everything else from the girls at work for Valentine's Day, I was grinning from ear to ear and bright red, Something like that, that really doesn't take much effort, can make a real impression on someone and their day. I will never forget the two off-duty Rescue Squad workers who stopped and helped me change my flat tire when they were on their way home after a shift. They didn't know my brother and my dad were on the Rescue Squad too. I thought that was really awesome. And I'll never forget.
I really try to go out of my way now and do things for others, even the smallest of things. I try to always open doors for people or get up and unlock the door when people come to the group home. Everyday, before I go home I ask my administrative staff there with me and the lead staff in the houses if they need anything before I leave. I stop and say hi and talk for a few minutes when I come in to the house everyday. The gift of time and meaningful attention can be even more powerful than a tangible gift. It has been hard for me lately, especially with my anger issues that I am still working on, but I still try constantly, never stopping. I try to surprise my husband on an almost daily basis with tiny things and big things, silly things and funny things - things to make us both laugh and smile together. Today, I was showing  him the trailer for the new Jungle Book movie and he could see how excited I was. Being such a huge fan of the original cartoon classic I assumed he would be just  as enthusiastic. When the trailer finished and I finally moved I turned to him and asked if we could go this weekend to see it. He said yes, of course; he will always do things like that if he thinks it's something I want because he truly wants to make me happy. He has a heart of gold, and I don't deserve him at all. Anyway, when he answered he sounded less than enthusiastic, so a little bit later I asked if he really wanted to go see the Jungle Book. He looked at me and said not really, he wanted to see the comedy that had come out the weekend before. To be fair, it was a funny movie we both wanted to see as well. A few more hours pass and at home I get on my iPhone and Fandango and ask if he would see the Jungle Book with me tonight at our favorite local theatre where we can reserve seats ahead of time. He said sure without glancing up from his phone, with no real positive or negative inflection in his tone. What I didn't tell him was I wasn't buying tickets for the Jungle Book. I got tickets for that comedy he wanted to see. All he knows is the movie time, he has no idea and I have the mobile tickets on my iPhone. So he won't find out until we either get to the ticket line or actually walk into the individual theatre. I am so excited, I know it's dumb, but I am so terrible at surprises. Because I love giving things and doing things so much I also have a hard time waiting. I just get so excited for whoever it is, everyone knows I'm terrible that way. So if I can pull this off and fool him until we get there I am going to first be amazingly happy to have made him happy and surprised him, but secondly also a little proud of myself for being able to wait and pull it off. I just wanted to see him truly smile, not that normal "things-are-ok" smile, but that silly mischievous smile that comes only when truly letting go of the stress and terrible things of the world around you. Try to do something for someone around you, maybe the next time someone asks. Don't be so closed to taking a moment out of your schedule and routine to help someone else. Wouldn't it be nice if someone stopped to help you when you really needed it? Of course. Doing things for others is a simple way to bring Joy not only into your own life but into the world and the lives of those around you. Like I said, it doesn't haven't to be big or expensive, just meaningful and heartfelt. Stay Joyful & surprise someone, especially when their not expecting it.

The Embodiment of Joy & The Mindfulness of Pets

I think there is a lot that we can learn from animals, but not just animals in general - pets in particular. Animals have lived along & beside us on this planet for millennia, but it is interesting the ones that we have been able to domesticate and to what degree and even then what changed about them over time. I wonder if my Chihuahuas would be different if they lived years and years ago before they would have been domesticated, I am assuming somewhere in South America. We have changed them, for better or worse; we intervened as we so often do and will continue to so long as we have the mentality that everything on this planet is disconnected. I always had a pet growing up, a small family dog. When I was young there was a small black dog I think, I only really have one memory of him - watching The Little Mermaid spread out on the white quilt in front of the television with him nuzzled up next to me. Then there was Nicki who stayed with us for the rest of his life, he was a little mix of Yorkie & some other breeds. He was small, but not tiny small. My brother and I would help take care of him. We had our first big dog Jake when I was in high school, and he just recently passed away at my parent's house in Tennessee. Losing a pet is hard because we become so attached to them. We may cry when our favorite figurine or figure breaks but it stops after a minute or two. Losing a pet is like losing someone in your family, your pain stays forever and hurts like knives of steel. It's because, unlike those figures, that pet loved you back.
You can see it in their eyes, especially when you come home from anywhere. Dogs, up to an extent, forgive their owners for almost anything. Even when you mess up they come around and come back to you because they love you and want to be by your side. If you don't believe me see how protective they get when someone else comes around, even if they aren't loud about it. Or watch when he or she gets scared or nervous in public or in large groups and where they turn to. To you. At one time my therapist wrote me a Rx for an Emotional Support Therapy Dog. She got registered and all, but when it comes down to it she isn't like a blind-assistance dog. For me though, she kind of is. We share the same birthday, a fact we didn't know until about 8 months after rescuing her. How odd is that, the same day in June? Maybe thats what explains the connection between us. She looks at me and she always knows what I'm thinking. She can tell in a moment if I am becoming insecure or upset or unhappy or nervous and she will come next to me and won't leave. We calm each other down and always know when one of us needs the other. It was funny the other day when she got frustrated with me, on the bed she nudged my hand an inch in one direction. I looked at her and she did it again, and again, and again and then my hand hit a pillow. She wanted me to pick the pillow up and cover her up. So as soon as I picked it up she curled back up and I covered her with the pillow as she passed out like a light. I know they do not compare to having a child, but dogs are complex emotional beings who live with you and become a real dynamic and part of your family and your heart. My other chihuahua is still a puppy and so rambunctious it drives us crazy most of the time. She is never still, from the moment she wakes up until the moment she passes out. The only break is either work or unleashing her at the dog park. She is sweet though, and so loving and trusting. She falls asleep curled up right next to me when I am sitting in or on the side of the bed working. It's like she melts into you, sometimes you can't even tell at first. She will even fall asleep with her head resting on my hand. The trust in that moment alone brought me so much Joy it's indescribable. Having a dog like my little Dany though, who knows me just as much as myself and is in tune with my every flaring emotion, is the best thing in the world. When I get anxious she starts trembling for no apparent reason. When I am normal and relaxed she is calm and stable. We keep each other going, we are each others Joy. She is just as much a part of my family as my loving husband.It's also funny to note how pet's have no concept of the future beyond where will they get their next meal and some attention. They also do not live in the past or dwell on memories. They react, they act, they live in the now. They live in this moment because it's what they are thinking of. We could learn a thing or two about that. When you take your dog for a walk in the afternoon and his tongue is hanging out and he looks like he's smiling as he walks all cool like down the street notice him or her and what they are doing. They aren't worrying about the bills, they are looking at the tree next to them and how tall it is. What about those huge flowers over there covering that wall? They look at the sidewalk and the grass, the fenceposts and signposts. They enjoy taking in each part of the walk and savoring it as if each step were through a different universe, each step needing to be enjoyed. Dogs, or most dogs, have mastered the art of mindfulness. If you have a pet, lie down and chill with him or her. Turn on some music or soft tv or whatever you want. Play with each other for a few minutes, even just 5, and see if after that you aren't thinking more mindfully. Like how his fur felt on your hand, or how her tongue felt on your fingertips or how his nose wet the tip of your nose. Enjoy your pet and learn a lesson, a lesson of mindfulness and Joy.

"The Wisdom of Joy From Jerry" #2 - Spring

This is my favorite time of year, springtime. The weather is perfect and it's easy to find Joy because it's all around you. I mean look at springtime; trees getting their leaves and flowering, flowers blooming, dead shoots coming back to life. Everything about this time of year is perfect to me, it feels like a fresh new start; like a breath of fresh air into everything around you. Even putting dozens and dozens of bags of mulch down in the backyard around the bases of the trees isn't a chore because you're outside and interacting with the outdoors. It's even better doing it with someone you love, it makes it even more enjoyable. My wife and I are always working together in the yard and inside on projects and planting things. New starts and new beginnings all the time, life is always changing and there is never a better chance than springtime to witness that.
Another thing I love about Spring is getting ready for camping season. Camping is one of the joys of my life. For as long as I can remember I have loved spending time outdoors and one of the best ways to do that is to go camping. Growing up I would go camping with friends, of course in the Army and always with my family throughout the years. When my kids were growing up we would take an annual vacation every year and drive across the country traveling and exploring. We wanted to expose them to more than just the little bubble around their lives. Spring just tends to bring out that sense of wonderment and adventure. The last time I was at the Grand Canyon was with my son on our way to Los Angeles when we were moving his stuff out there. While we didn't get to camp on that particular trip we spent two days there enjoying the Grand Canyon in Spring. Over a decade earlier, as a family, we had taken three days to hike to the bottom of the canyon and back up again. To spend another Spring moment there with my son was a treasure. There is nothing more majestic than the true beauty and awe of nature. 
Spring is the most joyful time of the year for anyone and everyone, it symbolizes fresh starts and new beginnings. Some say Fall, some Winter and some Summer, but to me it will always be Spring. The temperature may fluctuate a little, but the air is warm, fresh and crisp and you can smell growth everywhere in the air. The magic of nature, the magic of Spring. 

Progress Is Never Quick & Seems Painstakingly Slow

Progress is never quick, often seeming as if it takes a lifetime. An unfortunate consequence is that all too often we try to get involved ourselves and cut corners where we think we can get away with it. The problem with that is we end up with a broken end-result, be it with friends, at school, with family, with money, whatever. Whatever is worth doing is worth doing right. Right doesn't always mean slow, but it means deliberate. We have to do it the correct way. It is easy to get discouraged; it is easy to want to give up; it is easy to want to just quit. But we can't. Not in life, not in anything. Progress is hard, nothing worth doing in life is easy but it is possible. We have to remember and remind ourselves that we can't change overnight, not to mean that we should just go slow or do whatever or do things this day or that. We have to be disciplined, but we have to keep in mind that the strict rigor we are holding ourselves to won't take effect immediately. We will have to wait time to see the results. Just like going to the gym, you would never go to the gym for a day and except to lose 25lb. No, you're going to have to do some cardio and probably some lifting too. It's going to take time to work that weight off and then tighten and tone. 

Look at your mind just like an exercising body, right now it is "overweight" with anxiety, stress and preconceived notions above others. In order to get yourself in shape you are first going to have to shed those outer pounds and then focus on your core strength. You are going to have to unlearn bad habits and learn new better and healthier ones. After trimming the fat you can then start to work on toning you and who you are and focusing on true growth. It takes time and progress will be slow, but don't be discouraged. The snail moves slower than most creatures, but it never bothers him. He seems to get to where he is going on his own time table. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from him, like how life is worth taking slow. We will only have one today, shouldn't we try to enjoy and value every moment we can or at least try to get the best out of every moment we can? Even the bad ones? Keep working though, use those around you who support you for Joy and strength, Don't give up, never give up on your personal Joy no matter what happens. Your personal Joy is yours and yours alone. Be mindful and pay attention to the now, live in the today. Live in the here and now. 

The Joy of Marrying My Best Friend

I would just like to add something on to what Jenny was writing about earlier. She did an amazing job once again, her voice is one in a billion.
It really reminded me of something though, something that applied enough that I thought it would be relevant to share. You see, all of my life I have been looking for love. I've been searching for someone to just accept me for who I am and show me affection and take care of me. I acted desperately at times because I craved, not attention, but love. Why? Because I didn't know how to love myself. I would throw myself at guys and everything would be ruined, on top of that any friendship possible ruined as well. I only really had one other guy friend in college back in Tennessee, of course we ended being really close over like five or six years of friendship. My point being, it was almost impossible the whole time for me to have any kind of relationship. I just couldn't do it no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't figure out myself and no other guy wanted to have to figure me out either. I got really depressed because I felt lonely and like I was going to be alone forever. The one relationship I had at the end of college was so odd and off that I don't know if it even really counts. Another case of me being with someone who should have been my friend, but this time both of us were craving that love and attention we thought we so desperately needed.
Things didn't change until I started to grow up and I moved to Los Angeles. I was about 25 at the time and living in West Hollywood, the center of anything and everything. It was amazing, heaven and hell at the same time. I started dating an Armenian guy that I liked and he moved in; well it turns out in the end that we just clashed culturally. And it clashed with me that he was still involved with his ex-boyfriend/partner. Anyway, the whole point of this is the guy I met while I was with him. I will call him JC. JC rescued me; I remember the night we met like it was yesterday and I will never forget. I remember walking him to the elevator and thinking that I had to see him again no matter what, but what was I going to say to my boyfriend? That first night we were supposed to hook up, but JC decided better - not that we both didn't want to. He told me he wanted to be my friend, my best friend, for right now. He wasn't going anywhere or seeing anyone else at all, but we would just hang out and be friends while I was with my boyfriend.
So we started hanging out like every day, all the times I was left alone. We went out, went walking. We talked and just hung out and did nothing together and had fun doing it. We made taking a walk to the grocery store down the street fun somewhere. That was what we did. It was an amazing thing, building that up. It was months, three I think but I am not so sure, before we finally kissed while up against a speaker out at a club one night with all of our friends. I soon after broke up with my cheating boyfriend but JC still demanded we take it slow. Becoming boyfriends took time and effort, as did eventually moving in. Everything was earned, everything we earned together. As we slowly began to build our relationship it was able to stand the test of things because it had the solid foundation of that friendship that still existed. My longest relationship previously had been probably 8 months or so; well, JC and I became partners and then got married this past year on the four year anniversary of meeting that first night. The anniversary four years previously of meeting my best friend. It means so much more, and it keeps us together more than anything else. Marrying my best friend was like a dream come true, because the only person I wanted to share it with was already there and always would be. Even when things are hard we know that have each other in a way we don't have anyone else.
Our Joy comes from loving and being there for each other, as best friends and as husbands. Your best friend can be platonic or it can become something more, both can bring just as much Joy just like Jenny was talking about. So take a cue from Jenny and enjoy the people around you who are there for you and love and support you. Look there and you will find your joy.
I love you JC, thank you.

Joyful Jenny #2 - My Best Friend Is My Joy!

Everyone has their own meaning to joy. To me, joy comes through music. Whether it's playing it or just listening to it, I can honestly say that it brings a smile to my face. It has helped through the good and bad. Music is always there for me in some kind of special way. But there are other ways that joy can be found. It can be the littlest thing. It could be a locket that you've kept for a long period of time, it could be playing your favorite sport, or just being with someone you love. I personally think that being with someone that makes you smile is a big reason to feel joy. I have always struggled with finding that certain person that cares and loves me just as much as I love and care for them, it always seems to turn on me. But I know I now have my best friend who I can tell everything to. She has shown me that true friends really do exist. Don't get me wrong, I have so many good friends, but there has never been one that has been with me through the things that my best friend has. I know that I can call her for whatever at whatever time. She is actually the one who helped me realize that bottling up all my thoughts and emotions isn't healthy. I'm so thankful and lucky to have met her.

Point being, we all have that special someone that is always going to be there through the laughs and the tears. You may not have found that person yet, but trust me, that person will eventually come around. It took me a while to find someone myself. You want to find someone who will be with you late at night when you're having a hard time and someone who will be there in the afternoon when you're all smiles. I think having that person is a big impact on someone. It brings me joy to know that someone is always going to be there for me. I also kind of think of it in terms of music. See, in music there's always a melody. When you have a melody, you can harmonize it with something different. What you want is someone who will make a perfect harmony and help you make that long lasting song called life. There are going to be people that will only be there for a verse in your life song. Maybe someone that'll be there every once in a while like a chorus throughout the song. But what you want is someone who will be there through the soundtrack, the verses, the chorus, the bridge, the back-up vocals, the guitar riffs, the drum solo, and just throughout the whole song. I never thought someone could make me so happy and actually change me in a good way. But I stand corrected. I promise you that when you find the person, you'll feel a little better about yourself. Sure there are going to be some bumps in the road. But that's what having any kind of relationship is about. Someone who will be there through the ups and the downs.

Life can be tough at times, I know, but just find that person that will be with you through those times. There's nothing better than having someone by your side. Joy can come from anything. Remember that. It might be right under your nose and you never really realize how happy it makes you. But believe me that there's nothing better than being happy, especially with someone. It doesn't have to be your best friend either. It could be a close cousin, your significant other, your grandma, your aunt, your uncle, anyone. Just make sure they are able to bring a smile on your face, joy in your life, and a perfect match to make a harmony so they could be featured in your song of life. 

Breath In, Breath Out - 15 Second Savior

One trick that I have been focusing on lately is what I call the "15-Second Pause." I have this program that teaches me mindfulness and about what it is and what it means. It helps me practice and prompts me when I need it. One of the things it uses to help is the pause feature, which is available at any time from the homescreen. There's a 15 second circular loop in the middle of the screen and as the outside of the loop goes around to complete the countdown it prompts you to breathe in and breathe out twice. The background screen changes to one of twenty or more moving backgrounds; they are all animated nature or relaxing videos. It gives you 15 seconds to focus on something beautiful that is going on right in front of you. The goal is that while

breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth just twice and focusing on what you are seeing or what is really around you you can return back to your awareness of reality with an enhanced balance and mindfulness, in tune with the world around you. This is the chance to, when you look up from the exercise, look at what is around you now. Focus on being mindful of the present and what is going on all around you. Enjoy it and your life instead of worrying about things you can't control or living in the past or future. By spending all our time being upset for whatever reason at whomever about the past or all our time worrying about or planning for the future we miss out on the present. It's called the present for a reason. Really. Learn to be mindful, use these 15-second breaks to help. You can use the timer on you iPhone or look at a relaxing picture for 15 seconds - just make sure to breathe in and out two times. In through the nose and out through the mouth. It's a cliche, but it's true, don't forget to stop and smell the roses - you never know when you will be back and if they will even be in bloom. Take a minute to slow down and see things for what they really are, see what's really going on all around you. Live for today. Don't miss out on the life you've been given. 

You can download the app if you want - it's called "Mindfulness Daily" by inward inc - here's the link for the App Store:

https://appsto.re/us/_bIYP.i

Lost Looking For Life - Being Purposely Mindful on Purpose

I was recently introduced to the concept of mindfulness, well let me put it this way - I was recently introduced to the label for what I already knew was mindfulness. One of the most recent tattoos I got was the symbol for mindfulness on the inside of my right wrist to always remind me to stay present and aware. That is the only way to live a joyful or happy life, that's really the only way to live life at all. I knew why I wanted another tattoo and the spot that I needed to fill in, but more than that I knew that feeling - that message to myself - that belonged there. I went searching and when I came across the symbol I knew it was perfect for me. Anxiety and stress have both become controlling factors in my life, as if they have taken over and sabotage my attempts at a joyful life. Through practicing mindfulness I can exert some control back over my life and who I am. I can start to learn what Joy is again and learn how to live life the way it is meant to be lived. 

What is mindfulness? What exactly does that word mean? I'm still personally trying to conceptualize and put it into words that can explain what it means to me. The easiest way is to say that mindfulness means paying close attention to present experiences with curiosity, openness and a willingness to live with what already is as it is. It is taking a slow deep breath and taking a look at the world around you that you're interacting with and realIzing you are a part of it all. And you are contributing to it. And taking away from it. You are one small piece of a world you miss out on when you spend your time on your phone or lost in worry and stress over things you can never affect anyhow. To me, being mindful simply means taking the time to let go and live life in the here and now. 

Practicing mindfulness can be useful in our everyday lives because it can be an amazing tool to help us make active changes that need to be made. Meditation, a tool to help develop mindfulness, is a deliberate and sustained practice of noticing what is happening in your reality and where it is happening - thoughts, emotions and physical sensations all noted and observed in order to learn, reflect and seek guidance. The goal here though is to observe rather than to act and change. If being mindful means living in the here and now then meditating is the reflection before the action of living can happen. While one is a way to live the other is a way to learn to silence oneself in order to better be able to live mindfully. Let me give you an example. I am an RN and have worked many years on the floor and at the bedside in the hospital. Part of my job was to assist the MD with delicate bedside procedures. I was always mindful, being aware of what is happening and my emotions. Aware of the physical sensations I feel and attendant to my surroundings. Paying attention to detail, the detail of this moment and only this moment. It makes me safer and it makes the situation safer, it's responsible. Now it wouldn't be responsible to start meditating there at the bedside, it would be disastrous. While meditating I would just simply observe and never act to do or change anything. I need to react there at the bedside and if I don't then the situation becomes dangerous. 

Being mindful is always possible, anywhere at any time. Meditation is a tool we can use at certain times to help open ourselves up and make us better at being mindful. We can learn practices that help us along the way that stay with us for life, practices that help ground us and remind us to be mindful of the time we are living in. An important part of all of this is the aspect of concentration or having an anchor. This is something that holds you to the present moment; it could be your breath, the sensation in your toes, how your clothes feel, or even how your special token feels sitting in your hand. Something physical that brings a sense of calm and peace, that helps serve as a guide toward your meditative place. Focusing on these things as you are trying and starting to meditate help bring you to that calm spot. I use my little stone carved turtle in my hand and the feeling and shape of the smoothly polished stone as I breath in and out. Because it's small I can carry it everywhere with me. Whatever it is for you go for it. Maybe it's how your back feels when you relax back and take deep breaths, find that anchor that is for you. That thing that holds you to your inner self is your biggest help and guide, your best friend. Find that anchor and hold on, keep it there for when you need it - because you will need it. Besides all the amazing mental and physical health benefits, research has found that mindfulness actually changes our brains by increasing the density of gray matter in brain regions linked to learning, memory, emotion regulation and empathy. It can help with anything because it also helps your health and general well being. It makes you a better more well-rounded person. 

Here's my challenge to you: find one routine physical activity that is normal for you, something you do most days, and start an experiment. Try doing it mindfully. Whether it is doing your hair, showering, brushing your teeth, cooking, eating, whatever it is - do it mindfully. That means paying attention to what you are doing - being in the here and now. Do it deliberately and slowly and notice the thought, emotions and sensations that you feel while doing it. Don't be distracted by the TV or radio, conversation or your iPhone, and don't hurry to get it done. Just enjoy doing it, that's life. That's the only life we have. Try it, the more you practice the easier it gets. The task you are working on will always get finished, but when done mindfully it can give so much more meaning and depth to any and every part of life and expand your Joy ten-fold.