Joyful Jenny #6 - The Beauty Within

Beauty is something to value. Lots of people only look at the beauty on the outside. Like I say though, Physical appearance is something. But it's not everything. Many people are insecure because there are many famous people and models that have a certain figure. That leads us to believe that we have to look like that model on the front page
of the magazine. But we don't have to. The beauty is all on the inside. I don't think you should judge anyone on their appearance. It might be the first thing you see, yeah. But just because they're not physically attractive, doesn't mean you shouldn't take the time to see what they're like on the inside. Personally? I am insecure about many things. I am insecure on many levels, actually. I'm insecure because I know that I'm not the most attractive girl in the world. That's only because society has manipulated us into thinking we have to look a certain way. But I recently realized that your looks don't matter. But I'm also insecure of my personality. I'm afraid that people won't like the way I am. That honestly
terrifies me. There are times where some of us look in the mirror and don't like what we see. We try so hard to impress others with our looks but that's not how it should be. Girls sometimes think make up makes them look better. Honestly, it covers the real beauty. We're all
beautifully and wonderfully made. We shouldn't cover that up with a bunch of cosmetics. Be your natural, beautiful, and unique self. I'll admit, insecurity can destroy you in a mental way. It makes you think negatively towards yourself. But we need to start focusing on what really matters. Personality is a big part of you and we need to embrace it. If we start to focus on others and our self aside from
looks, I'm sure we can find so much more positivity. If we start to believe that we are beautiful no matter what, we will start to find some joy in not just others but within ourselves too. That is very
important. The beauty within you is what makes you. If you're insecure, start to think positive thoughts. Tell yourself you're beautiful every morning. It will help. Stay positive and be yourself. You're beautiful and unique in your own way. Don't let society or anyone tell you otherwise. Remember... You're
beautiful.

My Heart On My Sleeve - Tattoo #6 & The Most Defining Of All, Who I Will Always Be

My next tattoo was really like my first tattoo because it was my first "real" big one that was more than just black words. And this one took three hours too instead of twenty minutes. I remember going to get it late one afternoon on an off day like Sunday or something. There aren't a lot of people in the shop and the guy who did my tattoo was a cool young guy with a shaved head and black-plastic rimmed glasses. I had brought in my actual Anatomy & Physiology textbook from my Nursing School days at the University of Tennessee. I opened to the Cardiac System Introduction and showed him the detailed & enlarged drawing of the human heart with every muscle and vesicles and vein and connective tissue. From that alone he got to work on my arm. No drawing it up beforehand, it really would have been too hard to draw it up that detailed and it wouldn't have been organic on my arm either. I was really happy how he did it. He was truly one of the greatest tattoo artists I have ever witnessed. He freestyled that heart perfectly onto my arm. Perfectly. He tweaked in minute ways a couple of things but they were so slight and he did it in amazing ways. Like where I had a mole or birthmark he would turn it into a little defect of the heart or a part of one of the arteries or veins. It is truly unique to me. 

Around the outside, going all the way around my arm, is a ring of thorns. Thorns holding my heart right there on my sleeve as if it had literally been ripped out and strapped to my upper arm with the thorny branches of the rose. Perfectly me, what more could I ask for? I felt like this was me in every way, in the truest way. Like this was my soul-tattoo, or spirit-tattoo, like the one that was always chosen and destined for me. Although the back part of the ring of thorns, across the back of my upper arm, hurt more than any other tattoo I have ever gotten. Something about the nerves in that spot, but I teared up bad uncontrollably for the ten or so minutes he was finishing that part. I was glad to get that part done. 

Even the colors are shaded to match the flow of blood and oxygenation, and you can see all the matching parts and muscles. By now the color has faded a little but I kind of like it. It has that worn look almost, like it's a part of me, but to me that makes it all the more perfect. When people ask me about my favorite tattoo or why I get them or really anything at all the first thing my mind goes to is this single tattoo. It's the one. The one that means the most to me, because to me it just is me. I wear my heart on my sleeve in every aspect: I'm honest to a fault, I put my everything into all I do, I always speak my mind and stand up for my beliefs and I open myself up to vulnerability and real pain and growth. This is me and it always will be. Everyone will know it too, but again that's just part of why it is what it is. This one means the most, this one is the most me. To me it was almost as if I were taking that painful sensation you get in your chest when you feel like you've been hurt because you're too vulnerable or exposed and giving it an actual face, a place to be. A reminder and a reservoir for the oncoming pain and heartache that will always come. I wanted, and got, a reminder of that heartache and that at every moment it was already on its way for more and I had better just always be ready. That's ok though, that's who I am; who I always will be.  ☠❤️💔