Joy Means Pushing Ahead When The Sun Doesn't Shine

As we all already know, the path to joy is not an easy one. It is one that we choose every day to follow. The amazing thing though is that even when we step off the path, no matter how far off we wander, all it takes to get back is one small decision that stares us in our face all our lives. It is up to us to take advantage of the opportunity presented to us. The fact that it never goes away though gives us an escape at every point and every moment. When we feel trapped and lost it is so easy to place ourselves back on the right path. The past is the past, there is nothing we can do with it except learn from it. There's no point in wishing anything, because if you aren't going to work for it then it isn't going to happen. There are going to be days when the clouds come out, when the sun is obscured from view. This is the part of life that is unavoidable. If we want to make it through to the other side in one piece that still resembles ourselves it is imperative to stay strong and not give in. At least if you do you know you can get back just as fast.

Last week and the beginning of this week were awesome for me. My job was going well, my relationship was strong, I had people who cared about me, upcoming trips and concerts to attend, new hobbies, new projects, a positive attitude and the list goes on and on. Yeah things happened that I didn't like but I kept going and kept thinking positive and tackling one thing at a time. How else was I going to get anything done, let alone survive? I felt so good and I had so much energy. I didn't need any Red Bull and I wasn't chugging coffee to keep me going. What happened? I have no earthly idea. God, how I wish I did. Starting Tuesday after waking up I had this sense of dread, this fear and anxiety, that I couldn't shake. When I'm getting ready for work in the morning light I know what to expect when I feel this wave come crashing down. 

I can give advice and help people through things, but yea sometimes it is hard to follow your own example. Even when you know it's not only the right way but really the only way. I found myself chasing the blues all day long and no matter what I did I couldn't shake them. I know I'm not myself when I don't care about connecting my iPhone 6 to my truck when I am driving. Music is my escape. Feeling the way I did though I pushed hat away. I felt miserable and I let my mind think miserable thoughts even though I knew I shouldn't be. I knew where it was going to lead. I've been down his path too many times before. I came home from work irritable and bitchy. I was nitpicky and annoying. I drove my partner crazy and I'm pretty sure I was just a straight up ass. Looking back that is he part I feel the worst about. He did nothing but try to help and support me. He does so much for me.