Ever since I was little I've wanted tattoos. I finally got up the courage when I was a freshman in college. For a long while I went back and forth trying to decide what to get. I would write on my wrist in permanent marker then change my mind and try again. I finally decided on the word "love." As soon as I thought it I knew it was the right one. It's like it just clicked, something felt right. Everything in my life is based on love; love is what drives me and love motivates my every action. When I call my mom in Tennessee on the phone and talk with her for fourty-five minutes it's because I love her. When I surprise my partner with his favorite movie and a pizza it's because I love him. When I take our little deer chihuahua Daenerys for long walks before bed it's because I love her. At work, when I surprise one of the girls with her favorite treat or a surprise gift it's because I love her. The love is not the same, but it is still love. Love to a different degree. Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. Nowhere in there does it say sexual or physical. Yes that is one form of love, but it is just that, a single form. When I hold the door open for the woman behind me at the grocery store it's because I am spreading love and kindness. It makes me feel good and it helps spread joy and love, both of which are infectious. That simple gesture of kindness, when noticed, affects the person and even if they don't realize it they will be lifted up. You know that feeling when someone does something kind like open a door or pass you something without having to ask? That feeling is awesome. Why wouldn't we ouselves want to feel like that, why wouldn't we want to make others feel that way if we had some way to? Kindness is like wildfire, one little spark and everything goes up in flames.
This Valentine's Day I decided to get candy, snacks and cards for all the Direct Care Staff at work as well as our resident clients. Just being able to do something nice and see someone smile made it worth it. Beyond that though, many other people started doing things for Valentine's at work. There was more candy, and chocolate, and flowers, cards, brownies, treats and plenty of hugs. One of the house managers told me I had started a chain reaction. I didn't even notice it, to me it was just something I liked doing because it was fun and nerdy and it gave me the chance to brighten someone else's day. It felt good to know I had started something and helped spread even more love throughout our homes.
Our girls on the morning shift at one of the houses got together and surprised me on Friday with a basket full of goodies and toys and even a T-shirt. The card they got was so cute and so sweet. I was taken aback. They told me they were glad I was there because of all the nice things I was always doing for them and the guys. See, just by going out of my way, even when I had to continually push myself, to do something nice or extra for people they were in turn spreading the joy by doing things for others. We can inspire change in the world around us, we just truly must be that change we want to see before it has any hope of happening.
It is hard to get lost in the hustle and bustle of media garbage telling us that unless we are with our perfect mate then we are worthless. If you don't get chocolate and flowers then no one loves you. Stupid. Most of these holidays I have spent alone. Not just figuratively, but physically too. Even when I went out with friends I always tended to sneak away home early and spend the rest of the night smoking, drinking and watching movies until I passed out. If I didn't have someone to hold me right now then I would numb my mind and body until it didn't need to be held. Not the most healthy way to deal with things, but we all have to grow up and learn our leasons. My point is, I know all too well what it feels like to feel lonely and abandoned. Just push on, things change. Not always when we want, but they do. And in order to make that happen we have to take an active role in our own lives. Focus on the good, the things you have all around you. Your family, your friends, your dog, your cat, your neighbor, your study budy and anyone else who makes you smile. When they make you smile it's because they love you, otherwise they wouldn't waste their time just to bring some joy to your face. When you next get a compliment remember not just that they were nice, but that they loved you. They cared enough to make you feel special. Find the special person or people in your life. Tell them today how much you love and need them.
This morning I woke up early all stuffed up. I sat up for a while before making us coffee and putting on cartoons to gently ease my parter awake. After a late and lazy breakfast we went walking in Burbank and did a little shopping, mostly just getting coffee and having fun. When we got coffee he surprised me with the "pair of cake pops" that they had for Valentine's Day. So cute, these are the fun little things I value most. These are my favorite memories. Make your own memory today and find someone in your life that you appreciate, someone you wouldn't normally think to talk to, and tell them how much you love and appreciate them. It will make their day and I promise it will make yours too.
Happy Valentine's Day. Spread the Love & Joy!
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