Joy Means Pushing Ahead When The Sun Doesn't Shine

As we all already know, the path to joy is not an easy one. It is one that we choose every day to follow. The amazing thing though is that even when we step off the path, no matter how far off we wander, all it takes to get back is one small decision that stares us in our face all our lives. It is up to us to take advantage of the opportunity presented to us. The fact that it never goes away though gives us an escape at every point and every moment. When we feel trapped and lost it is so easy to place ourselves back on the right path. The past is the past, there is nothing we can do with it except learn from it. There's no point in wishing anything, because if you aren't going to work for it then it isn't going to happen. There are going to be days when the clouds come out, when the sun is obscured from view. This is the part of life that is unavoidable. If we want to make it through to the other side in one piece that still resembles ourselves it is imperative to stay strong and not give in. At least if you do you know you can get back just as fast.

Last week and the beginning of this week were awesome for me. My job was going well, my relationship was strong, I had people who cared about me, upcoming trips and concerts to attend, new hobbies, new projects, a positive attitude and the list goes on and on. Yeah things happened that I didn't like but I kept going and kept thinking positive and tackling one thing at a time. How else was I going to get anything done, let alone survive? I felt so good and I had so much energy. I didn't need any Red Bull and I wasn't chugging coffee to keep me going. What happened? I have no earthly idea. God, how I wish I did. Starting Tuesday after waking up I had this sense of dread, this fear and anxiety, that I couldn't shake. When I'm getting ready for work in the morning light I know what to expect when I feel this wave come crashing down. 

I can give advice and help people through things, but yea sometimes it is hard to follow your own example. Even when you know it's not only the right way but really the only way. I found myself chasing the blues all day long and no matter what I did I couldn't shake them. I know I'm not myself when I don't care about connecting my iPhone 6 to my truck when I am driving. Music is my escape. Feeling the way I did though I pushed hat away. I felt miserable and I let my mind think miserable thoughts even though I knew I shouldn't be. I knew where it was going to lead. I've been down his path too many times before. I came home from work irritable and bitchy. I was nitpicky and annoying. I drove my partner crazy and I'm pretty sure I was just a straight up ass. Looking back that is he part I feel the worst about. He did nothing but try to help and support me. He does so much for me. 

Sometimes Being "Happier" Leads You Down the Path of Joy

If there is one thing I could credit for my newfound insight and drive to enjoy this one life I have it would be my loving partner. He has taught me so much and encourages me all the time. The one tool I can credit with helping me get to where I am so far is something I never expected. Social media has pretty much taken over our lives and the rest of the world. There is no escaping it. It is everywhere all the time. Smartphones have only made the takeover that much easier. Don't get me wrong, I love using Facebook on my new iPhone 6, but at the end of the day lying in bed at night it leaves me feeling empty and even more disconnected. Our lives have begun to revolve around our postings and walls and online interactions. Companies are now all on Facebook, it has become cemented in advertising and I don't see it going anywhere anytime soon. Then on top of Facebook comes Tumblr, Blogger, Instagram, Twitter, Four Square, Pinterest..... on and on the list goes, growing even more every day. There is one social interaction that I found to actually be helpful instead of a hindrance. I remember just stumbling over the application in the App Store last year while I was lying in bed and watching TV. Downloading it I was excited to play around with something new, little did I know that it would become a permanent marker in my daily life.
I truly believe that this application is something that can transform your life and your attitude. The support it provides has proven to be immeasurable. It is quite simply called "Happier." The icon is a white "H" on an orange background, orange representing the ongoing theme of happiness. You get a profile of course, but only with a small picture and a few short lines to write a quick summary about you and your life. Each posting is a happy moment in your day, accompanied by a picture if you would like. Happy moments and that's it. You categorize each one whether about family, friends, being happy, hobbies, going to the movies and on and on as the possibilities are endless. That makes it kind of cool to go back to my "Collections" at any time and look at everything about my partner or all the encouraging words I have posted. It is refreshing to only see happy moments on my feed instead of complaints or whining or any of the other annoying things I hate. The whole point is to get you thinking positive throughout the day and posting the positive things that make you happy. In turn you help spread others happiness as well as spreading your own to a welcoming and inviting community. As you read others postings you can leave comments or "smile" instead of like, no posting on someones wall or messaging someone. It's really neat to post something that has really excited you and then get to see that it also made forty other people smile. That is a feeling you can carry with you all day long. The strength I gain from just one glance at my notifications makes it more than worth it. I have hundreds of friends on there from all over the world and we comment on each other's all the time. To so easily and simply connect with someone on the other side of the world in order to help you both think happier and more positively is amazingly profound. More and more people follow me every day, and every day I go exploring and go through friends of friends of friends meeting new people along the way. I have made friends over these last several months, I am up to over 500 moments now, that have stayed by my side to be a support and source of strength. Sometimes meet ups are even arranged, say for anyone in Long Beach we will be meeting at this restaurant this Saturday at 5:00 and anyone who can come is welcome. Just an example, another way for a community of real people to cast aside doubt, fear, anger and anxiety and focus on the happy things in life that help guide them. We are our own source of strength, if we can't be strong no one else can make us strong. We have to decide to be happy, to be joyful and to realize that life will always have ups and downs and focusing on the positive is the only way to survive.
Every morning when I wake up I check my Happier page, it has become a hallmark of my daily routines. All day long I post the things making me happy which forces me to focus on the positive and keeps it in the forefront of my mind all throughout my day. It may not help everyone, but it has helped me tremendously and it has helped so many people I know. My partner is just as hopelessly addicted as I am. It's free, just download it and explore. Try it out, it's in both the iTunes and the Android store. For a free application this one proves to be a goldmine for nothing at all. Try focusing on the positive things in your day, it will help remind you in those down times of the things that help keep you running. Seeing both the good and the bad and choosing to focus on the good is the active form of being joyful. There are many tools out there to help out, keep trying all of them until you find the one that fits perfect and works for you. For each of us this is different. Here is a free tool you can try that has proven to be successful and provides more than a social community but a support network as well. Try it today, think "happy" and keep reminding yourself all day that it's ok to cherish the things that make you smile and use them for strength when life happens to be down for the moment or well - any other time at all. Being joyful means actively taking an interest in your happiness and contentment, pick up that mantle today and try "Happier." I promise you it is worth it, in more ways than I can possibly explain here.

Be positive, stay Joyful! 

iTunes App Store Link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/happier/id499033500?mt=8

The Path Is All Around Us

I saw this on facebook today, posted by one of my family members. The second I finished reading I knew I wanted to share. Joy takes work and practice, it doesn't just come to you easy. You have to decide to want it. 

Joy Means Setting & Achieving Goals, Realistic Ones

Life is so short and so precious and yet all we do is rush through it as fast as we can because we are so eager to reach our goals. What we can't often see is how far fetched our expectations are for ourselves and our life. Unrealistic goals only cause more stress and unhappiness. You have to have goals that are obtainable for you. Goals you want to achieve. Goals you are determined to achieve. If you are never going to achieve something then why waste time even trying. People are always unhappy with themselves and their lives, but it's because they place unrealistic expectations on themselves. If you suck in science you aren't going to be a doctor. If your bad at math you're not going to be a banker. If you spend all of your life trying to achieve something you never will you not only waste the precious time you have but you also make yourself miserable all along the way. I don't know about everyone else but I sure as hell know that if I have one shot at this I don't want to spend it suffering of my own accord.

Whether it is in life or at a job, in high school English or college advanced English, expecting too much of yourself sets you up for failure. At some point while growing up all of us had to learn that we aren't all good at everything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Combine that with the fact that we are also all unique individuals and you see that in life we all have separate paths with different direction and different goals. In no way does different mean bad, would you want your goals and plans based on a plan that doesn't fit or feel right? Our destiny is right in front of us, it's our job to reach out and live it. 

There are really two kinds of people in this world, those with goals and those without. Having no direction or purpose in life versus waking up every morning happy to be alive and joyfully thankful for all that you have. We have to push ourselves in order to grow, we all must face challenges along our journey in order to shape us into the person we are to become. Yet our dreams have to be within our grasp or else why dream about it. Life isn't about living for one dream. Have another dream, when you fulfill one come up with another. The sky is the limit. Do anything you want. Life is an endless possibility. 

I always have something long term that I am working to achieve, if not I tend to lose direction and focus. I as well have probably twice as many things I am working on while I slowly work toward something I want. These goals also help motivate me and serve as a reward in and of themselves. The finish line is much sweeter when you are the one that set it up beforehand. The feeling when you achieve something is unbelievable - if anything is a self confidence or self esteem builder this is it. When I graduated from college at The University of Tennessee I told myself that I was going to work there in Tennessee for a few years and build experience until I could really get a job anywhere else. I worked at it slowly, speeding up as the process went along. Over the course of probably 6 months or so I worked out and got a new job in LA at UCLA Medical Center and I was going to stay with my best friend from high school and his wife. UCLA?! Right? I couldn't believe that from a small, yet recognized, hospital in Tennessee I had somehow gotten the attention of a hospital on the other side of the county. It also just happened to be one of the top five hospitals in the country. I was pretty damn proud. Of course I have always known and will always freely admit that I could not have accomplished any of it without the assistance of my living and supporting family, my friends and my amazing angel Charlie (whom I met after I moved to Los Angeles, but that's another marvelous story). I felt so amazing walking down the hallways of the hospital. I was so proud of myself. My hard work had paid off and I had gotten something big out of it. Now I have the perfect job and have shifted my focus to other areas of my life. But I always have a goal to work toward, each achievement building on the last. There's always something to work on in my life, but if I split my focus between all of them I will get nothing accomplished.
Making realistic goals is important because it helps develop your identity and it pushes you forward in life on the right paths. We need something to work toward, something other than just going to work or doing something at work we were already doing anyway. Something extra. You can accomplish whatever you want if you put your mind to it and just keep going. Make sure it's something you can realistically get done in a reasonable amount of time. So many people at my old job and back in Tennessee tell me that they cant't believe how I could just get up and go to California. What I never understood was whether or not these people ever dreamed or had any aspirations higher than their own daily routine. Hard work can accomplish anything, even if it takes time. Your life is your own, make sure you go as far as you can possibly go. You can control the course of your life by simply working towards the things you really want. My suggestion to you is to sit back and think about all the things going on in your life and the things you are working towards. Do you have dreams and goals that are your own? Are you doing anything about those dreams? Lying on your deathbed do you want to be another one of the cliche people rambling about their regrets over opportunities passed up in fear? No, of course not. You are the only one who can prevent that. The joy that comes from seeing just what you can accomplish and seeing it go towards something you want so bad is more than overwhelming. Try it out, see how you feel.
What's a good way to start? Start making short term goals for yourself. Make a list of five things you want to accomplish by next week. Then carry that list with you as a reminder to constantly be doing something to help move yourself along towards the end. They don't have to be major. Things like not getting in an argument with your significant other, showing up on time to all your classes or work, finishing that painting you have been working on, running for twenty minutes a day, starting a journal, the list goes on and on. Have fun, be yourself. Who else is going to be?
What are your goals? Tell me, let me know what you are working towards.
Stay Joyful 

Joy is.......Getting Sick (?!)

Yes, I know; it sounds crazy. How in the world can you derive any form of joy from being sick? These past few days I have been ill. By far not the most incapacitated I've ever been, but I still felt like sh*t. There are very few things that make you more tired than hours of uncontrollable coughing. Feeling tired all the time is not something I enjoy, I got enough of that working 12 hour overnight shifts at the hospital. Losing my voice for a day or two didn't help either. Now it sounds still quite a bit deeper but at least I can talk again. Life proved much more difficult without a voice to communicate with others around me. People are off in their own worlds most of the time, absorbed in conversation or thought. The iphone headphone's are the must have accessory today, practically essential to life. We trap ourselves in our own little bubble so often and regularly that we don't even see it anymore. Don't get me wrong - I love music and without my iPhone and music I wouldn't know how to live anymore, but after years of always wanting to tune everyone out I realized that it was more detrimental to keep yourself alone rather than join the world around you. There are times that we all need to escape and those times are fine. Jamming out to a favorite song always helps you feel better. I used to walk around target and wal mart with my headphones in when I would go alone. It's fun yes, but after a while they outlive their purpose by disconnecting us from the world around us and creating an escape so real that it soon begins to feel so. Whether it's being able to ask an attendant a question or saying thank you to the guy who just held the door for you, speaking to others and interacting with the world and other people around us is what gives us joy and meaning in our lives. Try it, you just "feel" more a part of the real world when you come back down to earth out of the clouds. So, have fun and jam out whenever you need but remember to keep that balanced with the time you spend interacting with the world around you. Joy comes from other people, whether it's helping someone at the store or holding a door open for someone being able to communicate effectively and appropriately is a simple solution leading to greater rewards. 

Sorry, that was a random tangent, though appropriate none the less. Being sick sucks. Whether it's being in the hospital after surgery or recovering at home, getting the flu or getting pneumonia, no one likes to be sick. It is when we are at our most vulnerable point. We depend on others, if we have them, to care for us when we don't have the energy to keep going. I remember living alone in my apartment one time after surgery and having to take care of myself. I hardly ate anything because I couldn't cook, I didn't even have energy to watch tv in bed and taking a much needed and desired shower took hours of talking myself up to just get it done. My point is, we all need help. These past few days as my partner has taken care of me and gone out of his way to make sure I had everything I wanted and everything else I didn't it has felt amazing. It almost makes the discomfort and pain worth it. At least it gives me a good distraction from the physical pain that I feel. I had an odd sense of joy and wonder and in the end humility as well the past couple of days. I am so lucky to have someone who cares for me this much. He is more valuable than I will ever comprehend. The joy radiating from the inside made the outside a little more bearable. It's finding the happy things in even bad situations. Like I said before, bad things are always going to happen. Eventually we will all get sick at one point. Keeping your eyes, mind and heart open to the positive things will keep you going. If you wait until the bad stops to start seeing the good in life then you are already too late because there will never be a moment in your life when everything is perfect. There's always going to be hardships and tribulation, we just have to handle it with grace. 

While being sick itself sucks and I wish I was already completely better, wallowing in my misery I focused on the things that bring me joy and everything else washed away. Yes I am still coughing so hard that at times I feel like I'll never breathe again, but it's much easier to get through being ill keeping in mind the thought of my loving partner and the care and support I don't deserve from him. His compassion brought me joy. His love brought me joy. But that joy had to be let in, let in consciously and knowingly. Joy is an active verb, you get exactly what you put in. We live once and people so often complain about how unhappy they are - they will always be unhappy until they figure out what it means to have joy. 

Just Smile

Sometimes it's not a coincidence, it's just the universe showing you that life is in balance. Smile, really, just smile 😋😘😎💋😈

Joy Is Rewarding Yourself

We all need something to look forward to. Not just a goal or something to achieve but a reward, something to make it for. Like, for example, April 21st I'm going to see Iggy Azalea and Nick Jonas in concert. I've had a not-so-seret crush on Nick Jonas for a while now and ever since the first time I heard "Fancy" Iggy had me hooked. For a while I went back and forth on whether or not I was going to spend the money to get tickets. In the end, late one night before passing out in bed watching TV, I went ahead and just gave in because I knew how badly I really wanted it and I was probably going to cave in the end anyway. At least this way my seats would be better. It ended up not costing too much, but being over three months away at the time I had plenty of time left for anticipation. I do things like that often for myself, most of the time including my partner as well. What's the fun in doing something exciting all alone and not being able to share it with anyone? While I was going to have a long wait I was still content knowing the motivation I would have for the next few months.
I always need something to look forward to, something to help me make it through the day, the work week and even life. Something that I can remember when things start to get bad or rough or even just when I feel too tired to get up and live life. I tell myself to keep going, push on, because if I do then I am going to make it to this concert. Can you imagine how crazy it's going to be? A date night at the Staples Center with a heart-on-his-sleeve muscle lover-boy and the over-the-top Australian rapping beauty-queen. I want a t shirt. A Nick Jonas One. OK, and probably an Iggy one too. And if they have posters then I need a Nick one for the room. I wonder how much stuff they will have? Will they run out of smalls before I get to the front of the line? Yes, I realize these are all silly unimportant things to be thinking about, but the key is that the excitement I get from looking forward to an event I want so badly is a source of joy and helps me make it that last hour at work. I don't spend all day obsessing over it, but I remind myself periodically throughout the day that I have something to look forward to. While a concert may sound materialistic, the act of going together with my partner to a fun event is what I truly treasure. I love the memories I have of us going out for a night on the town, surprise date nights, being spoiled with love and affection and just taking walks all the time every day together. I'll get to scream/sing along to all these songs I know while getting dressed up and feeling attractive and having my partner next to me the whole time. That sure as hell sounds fun to me, and I know there will be at least a few pictures of us from that event that go up on the wall before too long. The joy is in the little things, even the little things we have yet to experience. Anticipation can be a great motivator and self-esteem booster. Be your own source of fuel and drive by simply letting yourself have some of the things you really love in this life (as long as they of course aren't self-destructive or harmful acts). If we have one shot we might as well enjoy it, and look forward to all the joyful things we have coming. There is always joy coming ahead of us, but by giving it a tangible picture we give ourselves something more concrete to hold on to. If we feel we can grasp it then we are more likely to remember it.
The thing you choose to look forward to can be anything, big or small. A new iPhone or the release of the movie you've been dying to see. One of the things I love about iTunes is that they now offer pre-release purchases of new albums coming out and throw in the singles to download. It may sound shallow, but I've loved listening to music on my iPhone, iPod or Walkman since I was a young boy. One of my escapes, ever evolving in taste and character. One I have now transformed into my truck stereo connected to my iPhone. When one of my favorite artists has a new song out, especially one that I like, I don't mind buying the music on iTunes at all. Getting the brand new single is always fun because it's the newest song in probably quite a while. On top of that as new pre-order singles come out every Monday they are download automatically until the release date when the whole album is downloaded. Most of the time the release date is on a Monday now and since I am in LA I guess, it always starts downloading Sunday night around eight or nine. It's a little surprise to ease the start of a new week and a Monday morning. When a new single is downloaded it's like a tease that just strings the anticipation on. Something small, yet something I use to make me smile and lighten my load to make my life more joyful.

Tonight I get to go see my favorite show of all time, I mean I do have the Targaryen sigil tattooed on my right upper arm, Game of Thrones in IMAX at the Universal Studios Theatre in Hollywood. The last two episodes of the last season with a brand new two minute preview of the upcoming fifth season. I'll get to see the dragons on the huge IMAX screen! It's been so hard waiting. I remember one of the most trying times in my life, when I was seventeen, I started reading this book series and latched myself onto the character of Daenerys Targaryen. Drawing strength and hope from her and what her character stands for I have kept her close to my heart since then, over ten years. Getting to see her and her dragons, my spirit animal, will be so amazing. I have been waiting for weeks, anticipating for over a year when I heard rumors of the plans for IMAX. It's all about finding meaning and joy in the small things. Any one of the small things, and carrying that hope with you to give you motivation and strength. Not only am I on the edge of my seat and toes today dying in anticipation, but tomorrow I am sure no one I come across will not hear how much I loved it.
Valentine's Day is coming up, one of my favorite holidays - especially now that I have a special someone in my life. It's another reason to make plans, plans of any kind, to have to look forward to. I spent many a Valentine's Day alone (all before my love) and I know it can be hard, but stay home and watch your favorite movies with wine and candy or go out to the movies with your friends. You are the one who decides how happy and joyful you are, give yourself another reason to be. I already have the wine and movie tickets for our Valentine's Day date and every time I think about it I get butterflies. 

Having something to look forward to is important, but we have to remember things can change. No matter what bad things happen though you'll still get to go to the movies or out to dinner. It's also important to keep in mind that change is a part of life and if plans have to change that's ok. Just don't break your plans. The whole point is to give you something real to look forward to. If the concert gets cancelled or your loved one goes out of town the weekend of the movie then find something else to do. That day though, not any other time in the future. That time is already set aside for you and yourself. Use it. Go see a movie by yourself. Call a friend to go walk around the park with. Go find something cool from the mall under $10. Be silly, get creative. Yesterday my partner and I were to go to a club event that got cancelled. We went to one the night before so it wasn't too disappointing, but in the end we spent the day together in bed, cooking and eating, going shopping, taking the dog for a walk and on and on. The little things. I could have been depressed and angry and brooding and taken it out on my companion but what would that have done except brought me more heartache and anguish. I could have thought about it all day and let it consume my thoughts until it drove me to an outburst or as I chose to do, just let it go and enjoy what I have and hold it dear. 

Find a way to reward yourself. Give yourself something to look forward to. Something you really do want and will enjoy. Something that speaks to who you really are inside. Make it so that it's far enough away to give you something to look forward to and work toward yet not so far as to seem unobtainable. Let me know what you pick, what goals you set and what motivations you grasp. Leave me a comment. Until then, continue to dream dream's of joy, and look forward to living life - in the end, what else is there to look forward to anyway. Here's to the future.