Cutting Out the Rot

Most of the biggest hindrances in our journey towards being joyful stem from within. The biggest thing holding us back in life is our own stubbornness. We have to open our eyes and be able to tell the difference between the healthy and the rotten, the good and the bad. That bad will always be there, but by focusing on the healthy growth and doing something to cut out the source of the festering rot you can not only heal yourself but protect against future attacks as well. It is important that whenever anything happens to us we take the time to process it and really get something out of it, otherwise what's the point. After all, aren't we nothing but the sum of all of our experiences and potential? I believe we are. You must accept everything, not get over it or even forgive necessarily, but you must accept it because it has already happened and there is nothing you can do to change that. All you can do is react, and that reaction is up to you. By accepting something you take away the power it has over you and by then moving forward and adapting you take power over it and take control of your life back into your own hands. What this is boiling down to is that there are sometimes bad things in our life, rot in the tree, that must be removed in order for the healthy tree to continue not just growing but thriving. Sometimes it can be hard and most of the time painful, but it is necessary and essential to surviving and living not just a productive but a joyous life. Sometimes we can't even see for ourselves the toxic infestations in our life, that's why we have people we love surrounding us. So that they can be there for us even when our ugly wounds and scars are standing right in front of their faces for all to see. Sometimes we feel sorry for whatever is causing the rot and we make excuses for it and try to protect it out of some sense of duty. In the process we start to poison and kill ourselves. Festering rot may plateau and lie dormant for a time, but it always comes back to take more and grow even larger. It is unforgiving and all consuming no matter what promises it makes or how it temporarily makes you feel. We must be alert for these poisons, these parasites. When something is causing us fear, pain, anxiety or anguish we must look at where it is coming from and seek to either adapt or cut out the disease before it gets any larger. This is easier said than done, but it is something that we all must do. Walking the dog the other day with my partner we walked past a tree that had, over the past few months started developing odd growths and bumps. Now there was a spot where sap had been spilling from the tree and the wood underneath was black with rot. It was odd seeing it all happen over the course of a few weeks every time we took the dog for a walk. You never really think of trees as having diseases or parasites. Of course, what is a termite except that very thing?
It got me to thinking, trees live much longer than we do and can be far more resilient. But if they can be taken down by an internal rotting darkness then what does that say of us? Are we doomed before we even start? No, because we are humans and we are much more flexible and adaptable than a tree. That is our strength. We have the opportunity to recognize these diseases and do something about them. I was cleaning and sorting through things today and I came across some old letters and cards given to me by co-workers at my last job. I left my last job because I didn't feel ethically right staying there and I wanted to make a real difference somewhere else. I remember what I learned from there but thinking back about heart-twisting memories isn't necessary. I didn't even hesitate, I threw them away and kept going. No need to keep something that will only remind me of things that I don't want to remember. The memory will always be there, that's enough. Don't be afraid to let go of the painful past. Take what you have learned, heal and move forward with life. Sometimes we have to cut people out of our lives who have a negative influence on us; sometimes for a few months and sometimes for a lifetime. It all depends on the influence and how deep their rot runs. My best friend of now ten years, who is currently in the hospital ICU, and I are closer than brothers but there was a time where I cut him completely out of my life. I blocked his number, blocked his Facebook and on and on. I may not have handled it the right way but I could see him destroying himself again no matter what I said and I couldn't handle having to go along with it anymore or having to watch him slide back into dangerous black waters once more. I had enough other stresses in my life, I couldn't handle any more. It was a very hard decision and one that I did not come to lightly. It hurt for a while, but the entire time I knew that I had done the right thing for me. A few months later I reached back out to him and he was there reaching back. We talked for a long time and I explained why  I left and he understood. He knew it was because I loved him and his suffering was tearing me down and poisoning me. We have always been there for each other, and he knew I always would be even if we weren't in touch, and will be there for each other and support each other from now until forever. But I had to do what was necessary, and he understood that.
I'm not saying cut ties with everyone or do something drastic, just evaluate your life and your friends and your commitments and the whole structure of your daily activities. Take a look and see what things are really causing the rot to spread. Where is it really coming from? What can you do about it? Do you want to do anything about it? Are you? I love nature and I love going for daily walks even in the neighborhood just to see the trees and flowers and green grass. I've always been fascinated by the bark of a tree. A healthy tree has good strong bark that can sometimes appear to almost be cracked and breaking from the outside. It appears as if the tree is crumbling apart, but it's not. It's the tree growing, pushing, against the outer restraints of it's boundary. Forcing it's way in, growth takes hold and expands more and more, cracking the other shell and constantly making a new one as the inner circles of the tree are replenished and strengthened from the roots deep below. Those cracks in the bark aren't signs of weakness but signs of healthy growth and thriving life. Life doesn't always look perfect from the outside or even to others no matter how close they think they may be. Life is messy and it never turns out the way we want. Don't mistake those cracks for breaks. Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that because of your experiences you are somehow damaged or broken. You are stronger, you are you. You are who you are. When you look in that mirror, see those aging creases for what they are, the shredding of the old for the dawning of the new, and cut off the source of that poison you see and feel before it consumes you. You are in control, if only you'll realize it. Stop, do something about it. Be Joyful.

Joy Means Setting & Achieving Goals, Realistic Ones

Life is so short and so precious and yet all we do is rush through it as fast as we can because we are so eager to reach our goals. What we can't often see is how far fetched our expectations are for ourselves and our life. Unrealistic goals only cause more stress and unhappiness. You have to have goals that are obtainable for you. Goals you want to achieve. Goals you are determined to achieve. If you are never going to achieve something then why waste time even trying. People are always unhappy with themselves and their lives, but it's because they place unrealistic expectations on themselves. If you suck in science you aren't going to be a doctor. If your bad at math you're not going to be a banker. If you spend all of your life trying to achieve something you never will you not only waste the precious time you have but you also make yourself miserable all along the way. I don't know about everyone else but I sure as hell know that if I have one shot at this I don't want to spend it suffering of my own accord.

Whether it is in life or at a job, in high school English or college advanced English, expecting too much of yourself sets you up for failure. At some point while growing up all of us had to learn that we aren't all good at everything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Combine that with the fact that we are also all unique individuals and you see that in life we all have separate paths with different direction and different goals. In no way does different mean bad, would you want your goals and plans based on a plan that doesn't fit or feel right? Our destiny is right in front of us, it's our job to reach out and live it. 

There are really two kinds of people in this world, those with goals and those without. Having no direction or purpose in life versus waking up every morning happy to be alive and joyfully thankful for all that you have. We have to push ourselves in order to grow, we all must face challenges along our journey in order to shape us into the person we are to become. Yet our dreams have to be within our grasp or else why dream about it. Life isn't about living for one dream. Have another dream, when you fulfill one come up with another. The sky is the limit. Do anything you want. Life is an endless possibility. 

I always have something long term that I am working to achieve, if not I tend to lose direction and focus. I as well have probably twice as many things I am working on while I slowly work toward something I want. These goals also help motivate me and serve as a reward in and of themselves. The finish line is much sweeter when you are the one that set it up beforehand. The feeling when you achieve something is unbelievable - if anything is a self confidence or self esteem builder this is it. When I graduated from college at The University of Tennessee I told myself that I was going to work there in Tennessee for a few years and build experience until I could really get a job anywhere else. I worked at it slowly, speeding up as the process went along. Over the course of probably 6 months or so I worked out and got a new job in LA at UCLA Medical Center and I was going to stay with my best friend from high school and his wife. UCLA?! Right? I couldn't believe that from a small, yet recognized, hospital in Tennessee I had somehow gotten the attention of a hospital on the other side of the county. It also just happened to be one of the top five hospitals in the country. I was pretty damn proud. Of course I have always known and will always freely admit that I could not have accomplished any of it without the assistance of my living and supporting family, my friends and my amazing angel Charlie (whom I met after I moved to Los Angeles, but that's another marvelous story). I felt so amazing walking down the hallways of the hospital. I was so proud of myself. My hard work had paid off and I had gotten something big out of it. Now I have the perfect job and have shifted my focus to other areas of my life. But I always have a goal to work toward, each achievement building on the last. There's always something to work on in my life, but if I split my focus between all of them I will get nothing accomplished.
Making realistic goals is important because it helps develop your identity and it pushes you forward in life on the right paths. We need something to work toward, something other than just going to work or doing something at work we were already doing anyway. Something extra. You can accomplish whatever you want if you put your mind to it and just keep going. Make sure it's something you can realistically get done in a reasonable amount of time. So many people at my old job and back in Tennessee tell me that they cant't believe how I could just get up and go to California. What I never understood was whether or not these people ever dreamed or had any aspirations higher than their own daily routine. Hard work can accomplish anything, even if it takes time. Your life is your own, make sure you go as far as you can possibly go. You can control the course of your life by simply working towards the things you really want. My suggestion to you is to sit back and think about all the things going on in your life and the things you are working towards. Do you have dreams and goals that are your own? Are you doing anything about those dreams? Lying on your deathbed do you want to be another one of the cliche people rambling about their regrets over opportunities passed up in fear? No, of course not. You are the only one who can prevent that. The joy that comes from seeing just what you can accomplish and seeing it go towards something you want so bad is more than overwhelming. Try it out, see how you feel.
What's a good way to start? Start making short term goals for yourself. Make a list of five things you want to accomplish by next week. Then carry that list with you as a reminder to constantly be doing something to help move yourself along towards the end. They don't have to be major. Things like not getting in an argument with your significant other, showing up on time to all your classes or work, finishing that painting you have been working on, running for twenty minutes a day, starting a journal, the list goes on and on. Have fun, be yourself. Who else is going to be?
What are your goals? Tell me, let me know what you are working towards.
Stay Joyful