Finding the joy in life means finding those things that lift you up and holding on to them throughout the good and the rough times to help keep you going. Each of us is different, a unique individual, with our own interpretation and path to joy. To me it is a lot like religion, there are countless number of ways to find peace and any one way does not stand above another. Growing up I would always ask my parents about religion. What if I were born on the other side of the world, or in Africa? What religion would I be then? What religion would my parents teach me was the right thing to believe? If that is the case and we are told the same, who would be right? It is what you believe to be right. It is about faith, not religion. I just couldn't get over the fact that if I had different parents who taught me to believe something else then I would hold a completely different set of beliefs and would hold convictions with completely different faces. As I grew up I learned that it was about the journey and not the labels; if we strip away all the labels and words we put on things then we can see that it is all the same. All the beliefs are single strands leading to the same end, something bigger. Something more, that is what connects all of us, or so I have come to believe. I have come to the conclusion that faith is the same wherever it is found and it always leads to the recognition of a greater web that connects everything. This centered awareness is the goal of each faith and religion and each of us if we are honest with ourselves. One may call it Allah, another God. They are one in the same and not being able to see that has led to war after war since the beginning of time. Only when we realize that we are all the same on the inside can we start growing and connecting with the world around us in a positive way. Only then can we have that positive impact on the world.
Jealousy is a very interesting emotion, probably the most interesting not just because of the complexities of it but also because of the so many things it can lead to. Not all of them are good. To me being jealous is like belittling your own joy. Instead of looking at what you have you look outward at someone else, automatically setting yourself up for failure because how can you ever be someone you are not? Even when things are rough we still have things to be joyful about remember, that's the whole point. Hold on to your joy. Hold on to the fact that you are still breathing. That you have a loved one. That you have shelter and food. That you have a job at all. That you have eyes to read and a brain to process your thoughts. When you are looking at all these amazing things you build yourself a life raft to make it through choppy waters and you are able to express that joy outwards towards those around you. It can be rough, I remember growing up being so jealous of all those Abercrombie models and pop stars, why couldn't I have a six pack and blonde hair and big arms? I felt inadequate and ugly for so long, but it drove me to become jealous long before I realized what I was doing. It wasn't just about me not looking like that anymore, it was them looking like that and me never being able to. I wanted to be them so badly and for so long my self-esteem was really messed up because I allowed myself to be influenced by someone else and who they were over who I really was. Being jealous is trying to take other people's joy. I want what you have. I want that job, or that promotion. I want that partner or spouse. I want that body. I want, on and on and on. Thinking these thoughts mean you are actively thinking about taking something from someone else for yourself, even if it is something intangible like control. You want something that is making someone else happy or joyful because you want those feelings for yourself. That doesn't work, it is not only toxic to yourself but harmful to others. Focus on your joy, not someone else's.
A close relative of jealousy if pride, known to me as "over-inflated joy." Pride is when we take something that brings us joy and we put it on a pedestal to display for others so that we can brag and gloat in order to make ourselves feel like we are adequate and accepted. You are taking something good and corrupting it , which is stupid because in the end the only one hurt is you. When that pride deflates and that ego loses momentum what is there going to be left to help bring you back up again? It isn't always straightforward either, take for example being angry with a coworker after an argument at work and avoiding him or her. Shaking with anger you know you are right and all you can see is that they were wrong, apologizing would mean saying you were wrong and you are better than this person who treated you this way. You know better than him or her, you would never act like that. That over-inflated sense of self refusing to apologize is pride. Not being able to admit when you are wrong, or being able to compromise for the sake of peace, is the same as thinking you are better than everyone else. Share your joy with others and hold it close for yourself, but not too close. Not so close that you begin to feed it instead of it feeding you.
Being present and aware in life is important, we can only find joy if we are living in the here and now, but you can't be present when you are narrowly focused on someone else's reality in their own world. Being jealous you force yourself into someone else's joy because you want it for yourself, being prideful forces your joy onto unwilling others. Everyone always says the grass is greener on the other side, but that's because you're looking over the fence and casting a shadow over what you have. Things always look better from someone else's shoes, because we never really know what all comes with those shoes. It is all about perspective and seeing what is before your eyes and seeing what you already have. Try to find the joy in your own life and not someone else's, it will make it a whole lot easier to get what you're looking for in the end.
