A Dam Hard Time

One of the hardest things to gain in life is perspective. Most of the control over how we view the world is our own, although there are other factors involved as well. Other influences that distort our reality and perception. These distractions are both a part of life and creatures of our own invention. When we get angry, anxious, upset, depressed and whatever else it's like we are putting on different colored sunglasses. Like the ones that make everything look blue, or the ones with the added red tinting. After wearing them for a while taking them off is a shock for a second because you see that reality is much different than the way you viewed it through shaded lenses. The dangerous part is when we are wearing glasses and can't even tell. This is often how it unfolds because when you have anger, depression or anxiety controlling how you look at the world it often blinds you to it's power by consuming your every thought. We have to remain strong and diligent. We have to be careful and stay constantly vigilant in our search for joy. Don't let emotions control your every move and every decision. For me this is one of the hardest things to do. But the first step is waking up and realizing when you aren't seeing straight. Then you can start to do something about it. On our hike today we went over and around the Sepulveda Dam here in the valley. I love the concrete architecture, the grand scale and the stark contrast between the massive structure and the sprawling meadow and grasslands. I went up right next to the dam and took a panoramic picture. When I saw it on my phone it stopped me for a second. The dam was there but the perspective had been warped, as if wrapped around an invisible sphere. As the picture stretched on it straightened out and became normal again. From my spot the perspective was warped, my spot. It reminded me how so often I let my feelings and emotions control me and how I react to situations. Without seeing it I cause my own anxiety and misery. I'm the only one who can change my perspective back to normal. What blinds you? What burdens and emotions control your feelings and direction? Face them, even if you can't find the perfect way to fight them yet the first step is to stop and realize just how skewed your vision has become. 

Joyful: My Pursuit of Myself & Who I Am

For a while now the people close to me have been suggesting I start writing again, the easiest way being an online journey for the world to see.... And join. I know that there are many others like me out there because without the drive to be joyful and to better yourself in order to reach your maximum potential our world around us wouldn't exist the way it is today. For better or worse. I realized long ago that life is not about being happy all the time, mostly because it's not possible. In life the negative things that make us grow shape the people we become and allow us to truly fulfill ourselves and validate our own reason for being on this planet. We are here to live. We have only one lifetime to live, living in fear or anxiety or anger only leads to unhappiness. Unhappiness that will destroy your one chance to be who you truly are. 

Life is not about being happy, life is about being thankful for the things that we have and being grateful for the lessons we have learned along the way. It is a hard mentality and life to reach. Believe me, I've had my share of life-shattering events, including receiving a diagnosis of an incurable disease and still somehow pushing on and living a full life despite the shadow following me for the rest of my life. Bad things are going to happen no matter what we do, we can't prevent something from happening by worrying or stressing about it and we can't change anything by going into the past. The only thing we have control over is how we react to a situation. I tell myself this constantly, at least ten times a day - on a good day. If we choose to stay calm and take things one at a time (which is all we are capable of anyway) then we will always have control of ourselves in any situation. If your partner leaves you it is because they are choosing to (in a healthy situation) and letting your grief and sadness overwhelm you and effect your happiness and life is dangerous  because it not only eats away at the person that you are but it soils everything else going on in your life because it consumes everything about you. I'm not saying we shouldn't feel anything, life is about feeling - but like all things, moderation is key. An over abundance of unnecessary emotions like anxiety, grief, anger, guilt and sadness set up our one shot at being joyful to fail before it even begins. 

The key is to make yourself focus on the positive, not just in life but in every situation. When things get overwhelming I stop, take a deep breath, and tackle only one thing at a time with my full attention because it is the best I can possibly do. I know life can be overwhelming and hard, I've spent the past 28 years wondering if I appeared as crazy to the rest of the world as I did to myself. Life is a journey, a journey paved with not happiness but joy. It is impossible to always be happy, but by focusing on the positive we can overcome our hurdles and live a life of joy. Only then do we know just how not-so-bad off we truly are and we begin to conceptualize the world around us the way it was meant to be seen. 

I am not sure where this journey will lead me - or us, hopefully - and I do not know how I am going to get there or even a map showing where to go. This is life. This is my journey to reclaim the joy in my life and truly utilize and enjoy this one precious chance I have. 💋😘💀