What Does It Mean To Embrace Your Own Joy?

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/29/what-does-it-mean-to-embrace-your-own-joy/

Imagination

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/29/imagination/

Beautiful Monday

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/28/beautiful-monday/

Being Joyful

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/28/being-joyful/

Congo

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/28/congo/

Every Day Is A New Day, A New Dawn

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/27/a-new-day-a-new-dawn/

'Tis The Season - The Time Is Here

https://joyfulpursuitoflife.wordpress.com/2016/11/28/tis-the-season-the-time-is-here/

FREE GIVEAWAY PROMOTION WITH FREE DOWNLOAD OF THE MERMAID"S KEY: A NOVELLA! CHECK OUT THE FACEBOOK PAGE NOW!

FREE GIVEAWAY PROMOTION WITH FREE DOWNLOAD OF THE MERMAID'S KEY: A NOVELLA! CHECK OUT THE FACEBOOK PAGE NOW!

https://www.facebook.com/JHollywoodProductions/posts/1155700544466024

JHOLLYWOOD PRODUCTIONS CONTEST/GIVEAWAY: 
To help promote literacy and imagination, in the spirit of the holiday, we have a giveaway promotion for our affiliate's new novella. Inspired by Dolly Partonand her Dolly Parton's Imagination Library we realize that there is nothing more important than reading, and we value your help in spreading the news. TO QUALIFY: You must Download and Review the Novella on the iTunes Store & Share on your Facebook page. After you finish send us a message and we will enter your name! We have 4 $5 Starbucks Gift Cards Available to Win!!! Thank You Mrs. Dolly Parton for being such an awe-inspiring beacon of hope, joy & imagination!
FREE iTUNES BOOK - The Mermaid's Key: A Novella
The legends are real, partly. Atargatis, the first mermaid, was an ancient witch thrown into the sea by the hostile and fearful townspeople who didn’t understand the magic they knew and sensed. What they didn’t see was the consequences of their actions, Atargatis’ use of magic and the creation of the mermaid with all of its magical abilities. Centuries later Ariana, a young daughter of the clan leader, lives her life in torment, torn between her love of everything under the ocean and the beauty of the boundless sky above. She discovers Theodore, a human, and falls so much in love that she can’t fathom a life without him - an ideal that she will go to any length to stand by. What you think you know is but a small part of a much larger story, one that before now has never been told. Love is simply a transfer of energy from one of us to another, all of us connected in a web that we simply label “The Universe.” Love and sacrifice have consequences, some which can never be foreseen.

The Mermaid's Key: A Novella

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“The Mermaid’s Key” Synopsis:

After his grandfather Theo’s passing, James sets about clearing and cleaning up his grandfather’s belongings before the estate sale when he runs into something peculiar. A box made of shells, worn shut with time, and hidden in the dark recesses of the past. The contents: a key, a brass heart, a journal and letters that leave behind a glimpse into a part of his grandfather’s life that James never expected - a world of ancient magic, witches and wizards, mermaids and a love story strong enough to break any heart. The legends are real, partly. Atargatis, the first mermaid, was an ancient witch thrown into the sea by the hostile and fearful townspeople who didn’t understand the magic they knew and sensed. What they didn’t see was the consequences of their actions, Atargatis’ use of magic and the creation of the mermaid with all of its magical abilities. Centuries later Ariana, a young daughter of the clan leader, lives her life in torment, torn between her love of everything under the ocean and the beauty of the boundless sky above. She discovers Theodore, a human, and falls so much in love that she can’t fathom a life without him - an ideal that she will go to any length to stand by. What you think you know is but a small part of a much larger story, one that before now has never been told. Love is simply a transfer of energy from one of us to another, all of us connected in a web that we simply label “The Universe.” Love and sacrifice have consequences, some which can never be foreseen.

DOWNLOAD FOR FREE NOW ON iTUNES STORE: 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-mermaids-key-a-novella/id1173768915?ls=1&mt=11

Lost Looking For Life - Being Purposely Mindful on Purpose

I was recently introduced to the concept of mindfulness, well let me put it this way - I was recently introduced to the label for what I already knew was mindfulness. One of the most recent tattoos I got was the symbol for mindfulness on the inside of my right wrist to always remind me to stay present and aware. That is the only way to live a joyful or happy life, that's really the only way to live life at all. I knew why I wanted another tattoo and the spot that I needed to fill in, but more than that I knew that feeling - that message to myself - that belonged there. I went searching and when I came across the symbol I knew it was perfect for me. Anxiety and stress have both become controlling factors in my life, as if they have taken over and sabotage my attempts at a joyful life. Through practicing mindfulness I can exert some control back over my life and who I am. I can start to learn what Joy is again and learn how to live life the way it is meant to be lived. 

What is mindfulness? What exactly does that word mean? I'm still personally trying to conceptualize and put it into words that can explain what it means to me. The easiest way is to say that mindfulness means paying close attention to present experiences with curiosity, openness and a willingness to live with what already is as it is. It is taking a slow deep breath and taking a look at the world around you that you're interacting with and realIzing you are a part of it all. And you are contributing to it. And taking away from it. You are one small piece of a world you miss out on when you spend your time on your phone or lost in worry and stress over things you can never affect anyhow. To me, being mindful simply means taking the time to let go and live life in the here and now. 

Practicing mindfulness can be useful in our everyday lives because it can be an amazing tool to help us make active changes that need to be made. Meditation, a tool to help develop mindfulness, is a deliberate and sustained practice of noticing what is happening in your reality and where it is happening - thoughts, emotions and physical sensations all noted and observed in order to learn, reflect and seek guidance. The goal here though is to observe rather than to act and change. If being mindful means living in the here and now then meditating is the reflection before the action of living can happen. While one is a way to live the other is a way to learn to silence oneself in order to better be able to live mindfully. Let me give you an example. I am an RN and have worked many years on the floor and at the bedside in the hospital. Part of my job was to assist the MD with delicate bedside procedures. I was always mindful, being aware of what is happening and my emotions. Aware of the physical sensations I feel and attendant to my surroundings. Paying attention to detail, the detail of this moment and only this moment. It makes me safer and it makes the situation safer, it's responsible. Now it wouldn't be responsible to start meditating there at the bedside, it would be disastrous. While meditating I would just simply observe and never act to do or change anything. I need to react there at the bedside and if I don't then the situation becomes dangerous. 

Being mindful is always possible, anywhere at any time. Meditation is a tool we can use at certain times to help open ourselves up and make us better at being mindful. We can learn practices that help us along the way that stay with us for life, practices that help ground us and remind us to be mindful of the time we are living in. An important part of all of this is the aspect of concentration or having an anchor. This is something that holds you to the present moment; it could be your breath, the sensation in your toes, how your clothes feel, or even how your special token feels sitting in your hand. Something physical that brings a sense of calm and peace, that helps serve as a guide toward your meditative place. Focusing on these things as you are trying and starting to meditate help bring you to that calm spot. I use my little stone carved turtle in my hand and the feeling and shape of the smoothly polished stone as I breath in and out. Because it's small I can carry it everywhere with me. Whatever it is for you go for it. Maybe it's how your back feels when you relax back and take deep breaths, find that anchor that is for you. That thing that holds you to your inner self is your biggest help and guide, your best friend. Find that anchor and hold on, keep it there for when you need it - because you will need it. Besides all the amazing mental and physical health benefits, research has found that mindfulness actually changes our brains by increasing the density of gray matter in brain regions linked to learning, memory, emotion regulation and empathy. It can help with anything because it also helps your health and general well being. It makes you a better more well-rounded person. 

Here's my challenge to you: find one routine physical activity that is normal for you, something you do most days, and start an experiment. Try doing it mindfully. Whether it is doing your hair, showering, brushing your teeth, cooking, eating, whatever it is - do it mindfully. That means paying attention to what you are doing - being in the here and now. Do it deliberately and slowly and notice the thought, emotions and sensations that you feel while doing it. Don't be distracted by the TV or radio, conversation or your iPhone, and don't hurry to get it done. Just enjoy doing it, that's life. That's the only life we have. Try it, the more you practice the easier it gets. The task you are working on will always get finished, but when done mindfully it can give so much more meaning and depth to any and every part of life and expand your Joy ten-fold. 

Introducing - Tami Tuesdays - Fun, Silly & Positive Joy From Down South

Some days are just extra joyful. Today was one of those days. My best friend Lisa and I call them Goddess days.Those are the days when we both have a day or afternoon off together and meet for manis & pedis, lunch, shopping, movies ect. Today we went downtown to a favorite eatery for martinis and a wonderful lunch.We then walked in the sun from shop to shop buying fun summer jewelry, scented candles and soaps. Lisa then got an unexpected call about her Dad. He has been struggling with chemo but today was joyous news. The Dr. said his x-rays looked fantastic! So we stopped at another favorite place, sat outside and toasted his good news with a glass of wine. That is of course what Goddesses do.That was the cherry on the ice cream sundae of one of the best days! Our Goddess days don't happen as often as we would like. When they do it is pure joy!

Tami F

Here to bring us her own person Joy is Tami, our Southern Flavor of Fun & Joy. Tami is so silly and yet so supportive and an amazing friend. I have known her since 2009 and have enjoyed every moment. I just wanted to share a little bit with you about this awesome woman who is going to be sharing about herself. Mrs. Tami held the unit together on the floor of the hospital I worked on in Tennessee. Everyone loved her, she always went out of her way to make you smile and laugh. She always had a little surprise or something silly to make you smile. We talked about classic movies and horror movies in between goofing off and laughing. I remember one Valentine's Day we met downtown at this beautiful restaurant and sat at a hightop table near the front window. I remember that she got me a box of Chocolate Strawberries from Godiva I believe, I mean like heaven in a box. I have never in my life, before or after that, seen strawberries that big. And that dark chocolate was so amazing I about died. She also gave me one of the movies we always joked about. She gave me "Despicable Me" on Blu-Ray/DVD. I still have that movie, and it came with a digital copy. It makes me think of her every time I look at it. I love it, it makes me laugh so much from beginning to end because of its silliness and just carefree laughs. I miss having Ms. Tami around, but at least now we will still get to remain close through the Joy being shared that brings us all together.

Rule #3 - Love Connects Us All, And It's A Two-Way Street

Love connects all of us. Love is each of us expressing joy outward towards others, we can't have love without joy and vice-versa. Love is what we all have in common, what connects us all to each other. Think about it like a spider web where each of us stands at a junction of strands in the web. The joy we have burning inside us spreads to others around us as we show them love, with more and more of us all interconnecting it soon becomes a spider-web formation. A spider web we are all caught up in. 

Our goal each day in our lives should be to focus on and live for our own personal joy and then share the joy we find with the people we love and the world around us in order to make it a better place. When each individual lives that way a network can be formed so that we can support each other and help each other through the ups and downs of life. Why else are we here together on this earth other than to help each other get through the things we must suffer through and celebrate the joys that we find in life? That bond between each of us that forms, that outward expression of joy, runs both ways. While it is our individual job to reach out to others, and something we should never give up no matter the response we get, it is also our job to reach back out to those around us who are opening up in turn. How much stronger is a bond between two people when it extends from both sides? Phenomenally so. I saw the new blooms on a tree today, beautiful shoots that were emerging into the warm beautiful sunlight among the deadened branches. I stopped for a moment and just looked, watching the beaches sway slowly in the calm breeze. Each of those flowers, each bud, was something beautiful emerging from the dead branches whose reach extends deep into the ground. All those beautiful flowers may come up on different branches but they are all connected by the lifeblood of the tree itself. The branches may look dead, but they connect those flowers and allow nutrients to flow to and feed them. As you go through life it's important to remember to keep that flame of joy shining bright, and to return an outstretched hand to the neighbors who reach out to you. Love is a two way street, while we can and must express it as human beings and individuals in order for it to gain power and strength it needs additional sources of hope to add kindling to the fire. Seek out that fire in others and help kindle it, ignite the spark the generates a revolution. A revolution of joy. In love. Be strong, have hope, be joyful. 

Happy Valentine's Day - What Is Love? Why Are We Celebrating?

Happy Valentine's Day!! Today is one of my most favorite days of the whole year because it is one day designated solely to the celebration of love. Where so many people go wrong is either by having a narrow minded view of love or by buying into the commercial hype and excitement and forgetting about the real meaning of the day. When people talk about Hallmark Holidays or how they don't like holidays because they are just made up by companies to make more money I just feel sorry for them. They are already missing the whole point of not just that day but every holiday. The days of our lives are what we make them and the meaning our lives have come from the meaning that we give them. These holidays, such as today, are opportunities for us to take a moment and celebrate something in our lives. We only live once and we only get one shot at each day. Sure, you don't have to do anything today. You can sit at home and ignore your phone and watch movies to distract youself all day or find some other form of self-isolation to pass the time. Of course all that's going to do it isolate you further and make you feel miserable. That's you making yourself miserable, no one and nothing else. 

Or on the flip side you can decide to do something, even if you do stay in. Send a message to your brother or sister on Facebook. Call up your mom or dad. Text a picture to your best friend of both of you from when you first met and tell them how glad you are to have them. Thank the coworker who covers for you when you are late. Buy a coffee for the neighbor girl who leaves for work at the same time, or pay for the persons drink behind you in line and don't say anything. Love takes many shapes and forms, that's why it is universal and what makes it so beautiful. Today isn't about buying cards or candy or going out to dinner or getting laid, it's about celebrating the thing that connects us all - love. Love is joy shown outward. When you engage in the world and become a part of it, and when you learn to find your own personal joy, you can learn to share it by loving others unselfishly and wholeheartedly. We are all leaves on the tree of life, it's time we start acknowledging the fact that we are all connected. Connected in all kinds of different ways.There are many forms of love, today we celebrate them all. Happy Valentine's! 😘❤️🌎

The Joy of Being & Living Free

Today Summertime returned early to Southern California as 80-degree weather and sunshine took over the skies and cast their radiance upon us. We weren't the only ones to notice the surge in energy either, the dogs felt it more than anything. They stay pretty active, but today they got to run free while we stopped in to visit one of our good friends from the neighborhood. Sansa and Dany both love it there, Sansa more so I think because of her playful side. Today she kept running up to our neighbors' chihuahua trying to get her to start a chase around the yard and when she couldn't succeed she would whine and bark until someone came over to play. Her carelessness and happiness struck me more than anything I'd seen in a while. I have always envied dogs, with a good owner all they have to worry about is making it to tomorrow. Their lives are stress-free. Well, not exactly with these two. Both of them, Dany much more so, go manic when left alone too long or when they are away from us for more than a couple hours. It's one of the things I love about them, how close we have become and how safe we can make them feel. Seeing them so happy today made me feel awesome. It was like being reenergized again, recharged. We all need to be more like these dogs in our lives. We need to be more willing to let the shackles that bind us come off; after all, we are the ones who put them there to begin with. Life isn't stressful; it may be difficult but life is life. It is impersonal, the universe allows things to happen at chance and at random. We are the ones who tell ourselves we need to worry about or try and fix things out of our own control. Take a moment and let out a deep breath. If you have a dog take it for a walk and play with him or her, spend time with whatever pet you have. Learn from them; take in their sprit, their energy and their joyful determination. If you don't have a dog then go for a walk in the park or lie in bed and put on your headphones to listen to a rainstorm or bird sounds on your phone, YouTube and Google have an endless supply of resources. Take a moment and relax, breathe and focus on you. Take in the sunshine, it isn't always there to enjoy. Make good use of it. Dogs, our best friends, seem to be able to cast off the shadows and cobwebs of life and bound and leap for joy with no limits. Let's try to be a little more like them and see if our stress doesn't go down even just a bit.  

Finding Joy In The Peace of Others

Saturday, finally here, woo hoo! Admit it, most of us spend the whole week looking forward to the weekend, or our days off. The freedom is intoxicating. Of course I am always on call but that's ok, most of the time I don't get any major nursing problems. I love my job and I don't mind coming in when I am needed, but sometimes I do just want a whole day to myself after working the craziest and longest hours for the past two weeks. Today I got a call at almost 10am asking when I was going to go in to the office to fill out the Incident Report that needed to be sent in. Of course after that I couldn't rest or go back to sleep or even relax. I got up, showered, got dressed and my partner made me some coffee on my way out the door. On the way there, and back for that matter, I listened to fun music. I listened to music that I loved, that put me in a good mood. Music from the past is always the best. The memories associated with certain songs can be as strong over the years as the ones made last night when you went out with friends. I just forced myself to relax by focusing on only what I was doing at that moment and I kept reminding myself that it was only one small thing I had to do and then I could go home. Of course it went by in a quick hour and I enjoyed myself. It really took me only a few minutes to write it all out and I got to visit with the guys at the house, the staff there and even my administrator. The sunny ride home was relaxing and seemed to go by pretty fast not thinking about it. When I got home I changed and got a Red Bull and we decided to go for a walk. I had the rest of the day to enjoy and do something, why sit around upset because I had to go to something when not only did I have the time and weather to have an amazing day but I also had someone who loved me and actually wanted to spend their time with me. Whenever I can make myself calm down and realize that fact I always feel better.
We scooped up little Miss Daenerys and got in the truck to go to the park. On the way we had to get gas because the light was on. Upon turning the first corner from the apartment Dany got excited and kicked my tropical Red Bull onto the floor and out of my lap. It of course spilled most of it's contents onto my lap, my leg and the floor. She jumped up scared and climbed into the backseat. Needless to say I was stupidly upset and frustrated. I didn't say anything the whole way to the gas station because I was fuming and I just wanted to scream. Why couldn't everything just go right? While I was pumping gas my partner cleaned the spilled drink and when I wasn't looking he even snuck inside and bought me a new Red Bull and got a bottle of water. I kind of had to just swallow my pride there and give in. I thanked him and forced myself to forget about the sticky situation. I couldn't believe that someone had done that for me, just because they knew I was upset about something. I mean I guess I can believe it, but it still catches me off guard every time. This is why I am in love.
We enjoyed our walk at the park and had fun with our little girl. It is always so refreshing to be out in the sun, especially among all the trees. I got to watch Miss Stormborn chase the million squirrels playing in the grass and the trees. She had just as much fun as we did. Of course she pooped herself out and had to be carried back to the truck. She enjoyed every second of it, don't be fooled. I know her tricks, my partner just gives in to her cuteness more than I do. After getting home we collapsed onto the bed to watch something funny on television and bask in the coolness of the air conditioner. Dany curled right up between us and before we were even settled she was fast asleep in bed. I sat up and just watched her, slowly breathing in and out with her eyes closed and her body curled up relaxed. She slept through the sound of the camera on the phone and me moving around to get the perfect view. She was completely out of it, poor thing. Her peaceful face just made my heart ache. Watching her there I didn't want to move at all. I could have stared at her for hours. As she calmed me down and settled my mind and heart I realized that it didn't matter if I had to go to work today for a little bit. It didn't matter that I would probably get called in tomorrow to admit a client back from the hospital. It didn't matter that I felt like all I was doing was working. I had a partner who would go out of his way to make me feel better and give me what I wanted when I screw up. Well, I have a partner. I am very lucky and there should never be a moment in time when I don't feel like I will always have someone there to back me up, even if I can't always see him. If Miss Stormborn could have the time of her life in the sun and then come home and collapse then why couldn't I let go of all the stupid things worrying me and enjoy the valuable time I keep wishing I had more of? Watching her sleep there, with my love in the background, I realized that those things didn't matter. Life is what is happening right now, when we are too busy planning and thinking to really see it and enjoy it. Today I found peace in the two loves of my life. Their being at peace and enjoying their lives joyfully gave me the support I needed to do the same. I just have to stop holding on to pain, stress and anxiety. All I ever want is more time to be with those I love, so why not take the time I do have and make the most of it?

Light Up Your Night

There's no reason to be afraid of the dark, but I still am anyway. I don't know why but ever since I was little I've been afraid of the dark. Not so much afraid of the dark as afraid of being alone and not knowing what's happening around me. I was one paranoid child, and it's only gotten more intense since I've grown up. I have a crazy insane imagination and every time I am in total darkness I start seeing all the movie characters and people and things I am afraid of lurking just beyond the shadow. I know they aren't there but my mind can't resist the notion that they could be. They could be and I would never see them coming. Needless to say I have always needed some form of light when I'm sleeping at night. In total darkness I'm too afraid to sleep and too afraid to move, even just to turn onto my side. Just like how I can't stand total silence. I prolong my breaths and lay dead still, so afraid that I'll make some noise. I do it even when I'm alone, I really don't know who I am afraid of waking. Maybe it's just the idea of startling awake something in the shadows just beyond. I always have to have sound, even if all I have is the fan or air conditioner running. Now I use my sleep machine on my iPhone every night with rain, whales and sometime a zen melody. The point is I have always had to have that light and sound at night or I would be so frightened that I wouldn't move or dare fall asleep. The darkness is a scary thing, and it will always be there. We can be rest assured that darkness returns every evening and stays until sunrise. Most of us have learned by now that darkness lurks in the niches and corners of our lives, sometimes even just shadows cast by trauma and fear. We can't avoid it, but we can at least learn to adapt and give ourselves some peace of mind. I use my night lights and I use my rain. If I don't have anything else I'll plug in my portable charger and just have the bright light from the charge indicators. I always have a way to have some light and sound, and when for some reason I don't I sleep fitfully and fretfully. When you encounter fear or weaknesses you must learn to adapt. Find a way to either address the issue or figure out how to get around it. You can always leave the bathroom light on and door cracked. We have to be creative. Make it personal. It is about you after all. Cope with it, there isn't any other choice because we have no control over the past. Our worst enemy is ourselves. We let ourselves be miserable and we allow ourselves to cower in fear. We hold ourselves back out of exaggerated fear and inflated ideas. That's when I do dumb things like lie awake all night in fear or dreading the coming night because of the terror I felt. I make my life hell. I have to learn to stop that, but it's really hard to do. The lights and things are just one way I take a little bit of control for myself and my comfort and it makes me feel better. It really is the little things. 

What are you afraid of? Roaches, maybe? How about every time you see one you do the same routine thing to back you away from your fear. Take two steps back and if it's still crawling towards you then one step to the left. Something silly that works, that makes you feel better. That's how you can start working to overcome fear. Let me tell you about my new nightlight. I remembered the other day that IKEA had these really cute little night lights right in the kid's section near the escalator. So earlier this week my partner and I made a night run to the store and I picked one up. I don't care if it's for kids, it's adorable and it's perfect. It provides just enough light and it turns from blue to green and back again. It's actually kind of soothing. I use it every night and I love it. It looks like a little white mouse with blue eyes and ears. I'm still trying to come up with a name for him. Maybe Conquerer. That sounds kinda cool. To conquer my fear. Perfect. Figure out what you fear, what you allow to take advantage of you. Once you do, find a way to beat it or get around it. There's always an answer out there, even if it takes a long time to find. Here's the key: never give up. Be your own light in the night. 

Finding Joy In The Unknown & Unexpected

Flexibility. Adaptability. Remaining calm and in control. Professional. I have always had problems with these. Always, it's like a disease that has plagued me forever. Something I am constantly working to fix and learn to control. Learning how to control my feelings has taken me quite a long time and there are still many times where I lose that control. But I do my best, that's all I can do. That and I just keep trying. Trying to control my reactions to sudden change of any kind is very difficult for me. When I am caught off guard it's like all my walls, good and bad, align to momentarily open a path right for the heart. When something sudden happens I, most of the time, don't have my partner with me to help control my emotions. I am left up to my own devices, and it's something I could still use some help with. Everyday I keep trying, it's the only thing to do.

Catching me off guard is like triggering pent up lava and just watching for the explosion, whether outwards or inwards. It's the one thing I would change about myself if I could. I am learning to control stress in my day to day life and I am doing much better now than I was ten years ago. My weakness, that I am at least aware of, is when I get surprised. I don't deal well at all. At work I am mostly under control but there are times when things spring up or something doesn't go the way it was supposed to and I pretty much freak out. It's not as bad as it is at home, but I tend to start talking really fast and really loud as I get more excited. The worst part is that I don't even notice when I'm doing it. People think I am responding with anger when I am only trying to talk or answer a question, but since I am pumped up with adrenaline I don't realize how I talk. Afterwards, when I realize what I've done, I feel terrible. Terrible. It bothers me for days and I hate it. That's not me. I don't want people to think it is. I also don't want to jeopardize a job I love because I don't realize how worked up I can get. 

At home it is even worse. Sometimes there's not even a reason for my explosions. Sometimes there's a trigger and sometimes I just get overwhelmed with emotion. I hate not being able to always control myself. I hate the way I talk to my partner, especially when he is trying to go out of his way to take care of me and look out for me. I don't deserve the way he cares for me. But I also know that without him I would not be able to survive. I would not be able to cope. People like me need people like him. But I also have to learn to treat the people I love, who are taking their time to care for me, with more kindness. I hope he knows I don't mean it, I never do. I have to work though to constantly show him that I am not that person and that I am able to change. Not just for me, but for him and us. 

Even small things in life that pop up, like having to schedule a doctor's appointment or making a call to the insurance company, are overwhelming. The smallest things make me stress and overreact. I get overwhelmed and I can't handle it. The surprise and shock are too much for me. It flips my switch. Without my partner I wouldn't be able to do things like going to the store, paying bills, picking up medicine and on and on. Even going to a doctor's appointment is most of the time enough to get me going. The point is, I don't handle it well right now and it's not healthy. It's not good for me. It makes me miserable and unhappy. The only thing I know to do is practice and work at it with the people who support me. I don't know what else there is. I have to learn how to handle this better, and I have to hold on to that tightly. 

Slowly I am improving and getting better. Last night I was at the pharmacy and my credit card was acting up and there was a long line and I was frustrated. When I went back outside to use my phone my partner came with me. I could feel the fumes boiling underneath but I held it down. I could feel the part of me that wanted to snap or be angry or say something mean because I was so frustrated and felt like I couldn't handle all these changes and sudden occurrences. Instead I talked to my partner with a calm even tone and explained to him what happened and what I was doing. It was hard swallowing it down and keeping it there but afterwards I felt so much better. I didn't have that horrific guilt of treating my soul mate and best friend with contempt and annoyance. I never want to feel that again, and I don't want him to either. It was a small silly step, but to me it was a major victory that showed me that I could do it. It will be hard and take hard work but I can do it. That's all I need, to know I can get there. Of course I'll have my support and my best friend to help carry me when I need it. It's a battle, but one I have to fight to keep my sanity and joy. A fight I cannot back down from anymore. 

Life is like stairs , they are always going to curve around a bend or corner to continue on into shadow, into the unknown. Even when the horizon is straight ahead with nothing but open fields around us the road still disappears into the distance. Because of that unknown we have to always be prepared for the stairs to suddenly turn left or right or up or down as soon as we turn around the looming corner. Or it could keep going smoothly. The point is we can't know. Moreso there are potholes and bumps in the road that we don't see until we have fallen victim to them. How we respond to those inevitable accidents decides how much joy we allow in our lives. It's up to us how we weather this tough and surprising road, this precarious journey. Grab life by the horns and demand the joy you want and deserve. Be ready for the twists and turns in life, that's when you're joy is tested the most. Stay strong, stay committed, stay joyful. 

The Curving Archways Towering Overhead

Besides walking through doors and grabbing at opportunity, we pass under a countless number of arches in our lifetimes. By hard work and dedication you can influence where your pathway leads and through which archways you pass through. We will always pass underneath those curved and vaulted ceilings, it is just a part of life. We can't always bask in the warm glow of the sun. Then again they can protect us from the wintery cold, and after too long in the heat everyone needs a break. The shade they provide can give us a respite and chance to heal and reflect or it can be a place of dark depression and isolation. It is up to us whether we are joyful or not. 

The difference between a door and an archway is the amount of resistance we get back. A door can be closed, whether locked or open. Running into that door can slow you down a lot. Even the doors that are open to us aren't always open all the way, it takes some effort on our part as well. This slows us down and takes time. With an archway there is no resistance, just an opening to be thrown or swept through. 

Many times we end up stumbling or falling through without even realizing we are passing underneath anything at all. Think of those stone archways you've seen, they are everywhere. There are the famous ones like the one in Paris and there are the normal ones that seem to blend in with everyday life. Archways are everywhere, even in nature. Maybe it's the strength of it's shape or the way it seems to grow organically as two living things become one. Nature tends to make it's own archways in it's journey of growth. Natural arches are my favorite, they are so beautiful because they are so thriving, organic and living. Nature can seem to come together to form tunnels as well. What is a tunnel if not an arch extending onward? If you have ever been in a tunnel, whether a small one made by someone you know or a huge one excavated and outfitted for the public's interaction and pleasure by the parks department, think about the ceiling of the tunnel. Nine times out of ten it is curved, just like the top of an arch. The strength of the arch is repeatedly used throughout history and still continues to be used today. I love campuses and college universities; I graduated Summa Cum Laude from the University of Tennessee. There are stone arches everywhere, ranging in size from the outdoor passageway between two of the buildings on the hill to the arches repeated infinitely together around the football stadium, both at ground level and on top overlooking and towering over the university down below. Arches are, for some reason, pleasing to the eye and the heart as it both relaxes us and puts as more at peace. Often, as nature slowly but surely grows, natural arches are formed and then strengthened. Nature utilizes the shape of the arch to it's advantage, we should at least be doing that. Take a look at the world around you, really stop and look for just a minute or two. See the hidden arches around you, even the ones that only you see. When you walk through an arch think about how strong it is, how natural and affirming it can be no matter what it is made of. Take some of that strength for yourself, draw upon the healing powers of the natural and organic world around you. Arches are strong because they can also provide shelter. Their roots hold them strong and the columns of the bases kiss each other high above their origin as two things grow upwards and forwards together. 

When two people face each other and extend their arms to make an arch it forces each of them to stand up straight and lift up their shoulders slightly. Your arms have to go up and forward. Look at a friendship between two people. In order to form a strong arch together that helps both of you by making each stronger, you have to raise yourself up. That's the only way you can have that strength. Friendships that just keep you going or those that you don't really care too much about are never going to come together to form archways. Friendships that bring you down, tear at who you are and cast your gaze away, are the ones that will never form archways. They will never be strong. Why would you waste your time with something that not only hurts you but will continue to do so as the world turns and you grow on?A good friendship between two people, two columns, is made stronger when both reach out to one another as they both grow up and onward through time. Two arms on each side extended towards each other, lifted up and curved so as to fit together enough to be able to lean on the other completely. 

Examine your relationships and your views and stances. What do you see? Can you even see what's there? That's the first goal. Once you see what is right in front of you, you can make a choice to either do something about it or just sit back and let it happen. Are your friends or loved ones toxic for you? Do they make you a stronger person or do they drag you down time and time again? Those are the ones we want to get rid of, or at least step away from. And we can tell them why if they ask, I've been in this spot a few times and in the end the honesty was what held everything together. You have to protect yourself and look out for where you are going, yes we can help others but if we do not help ourselves we are of no value to anyone at all. The next time you go for a walk or the next time you are driving to work glance around you every now and then and see if you see any arches around you. Whether in the building or on the billboard or in the design of the car, see what you can find. Do you see arches in the world around you? Where? What are they? Can't find any? Take a deep breath, relax and let loose your mind. Take five minutes in the car or on your daily walk and don't think about anything else except what you are hearing and seeing around you. Most of us have to force ourselves to take a hard look because we are too stubborn and too busy to admit it on our own. Don't let yourself get so caught up; free your heart and mind. Try it today, take a look. While you're at it think about this, if a tunnel is nothing more than an archway extending into the distance then when we hit a roadblock do you think that the strongest arches we have will push us through instead of around our problems in life as they guide us forward in order to create a tunnel for us to pass through?

Springtime, Making Room For Fresh Growth

It's that time of year again, spring is here. It seems as if spring ended only a few weeks ago. Time flies as life goes on, I always heard but never believed that. Until I grew up. But it is now time to brush off the cobwebs, stand up, stretch your muscles and get back to life. As time changes it pushes us into longer days and warmer nights. Buds start to appear on the trees and slowly grow until flowering open a few weeks later. The street is lined with tall pines and eucalyptus trees and so many more types that I can't even name that over the last few weeks I've gotten to watch the trees come back to life and flower right before my very eyes. The sea of green is littered with flowers of every color, all gently waving in the wind. It's always so amazing to watch what seems like a dead tree slowly bring itself back to life and fill out with color.

It's the perfect time to evaluate yourself and where you're at and what you're doing. It must be something in the air, in the warm afternoon breeze that feels so good. The fresh smell lingering in the air is so refreshing. Everyone does spring cleaning of their closets and clothing, but what about our lives? Isn't that more important anyway? All of us have our dark corners filled with secrets, pain and memories. Everyone carries anxiety, doubt and fear with them, slowly letting it build up and shade your view of the world around you today. There is no need to carry all of that excess baggage with you through life. Those things that have hurt you in the past can now only hurt you if you give them permission. Clean out your closets and make room for something else. The more you allow to build up the more you weigh yourself down with unnecessary stress and worry. Don't let yourself be weighed down with this burden. You don't have to open up to someone else, but you have to at least be honest with yourself. We all owe that to ourselves.
I love springtime because everywhere you look it's like the whole world is fresh and clean. Like a breath of fresh air after the stale winter air you learn to grow accustomed to. Of course we aren't the only ones who get going when the warm weather moves in. The animal world starts to buzz and swarm, coming to life all around us. Whether it's the squirrels playing around the trees or the return of the opossum who used to visit every night we can find comfort in the living and thriving world around us. Nature is harsh and cruel and if the tiny clovers in the field next to the dam and the sprouting palm trees in the cracks of the sidewalk can thrive through such dangerous obstacles then we should be able to weather anything. After all, most of us have food to eat and somewhere to sleep, and if you're reading this then some electronic device of some kind. We are so lucky. There are so many people in the world who have no idea what a cell phone is or how one works. Remembering that, we can be grateful for the things we enjoy each and every day. It reminds me of the beetle I saw the other day when we were hiking. The sun was bright and warm and the ground held the heat well. In the path the beetle was digging away trying to either find something or make himself a nest. For a minute or two I just stood there and watched it, going at it like no one else was there. He was so determined, so driven. There was one task he had to do and he was doing just that. I almost envied him, the dedication to keep going through the heat and being tired. He was in danger though, as everything is in nature; except that his world was full of much more death and ways to accomplish such. He was working so hard like that because he knows that at any moment a bird can land right next to him, a dog run by and catch a glance, a rock might crumble and fall as it's crossing the dam or someone walking by could accidentally step on it without even knowing it were there. How depressing. But then again isn't the same true for us? There are an infinite number of things out there that can harm and kill us, we are pretty much always vulnerable to something. That's life. That's the world we live in. But to see it on such a scale made me pause. Looking down I saw how small that little beetle was; I saw how small his problem was compared to the expanse of trees and bushes in every direction. To him it looked so urgent, so consuming. In reality the world lived on a much grander scale. Looking down I felt like that little bug was all these things I've been stressing about and worrying over. I haven't been able to see the forest through the trees as it were. Letting go of all these little things that I have no control over and aren't worth my time anyway is the one thing that will free me enough to see the bigger picture and realize I am a lot more joyful than I first thought. After stopping my partner from stepping on it I headed out with him down the path, leaving my little friend to his worries and letting him slip from my mind. If only I could do that with everything else on my mind. That's the point though, to try and do just that. 

The other day my partner decided to take little Miss Stormborn on a walk just as I was leaving for work. I decided to take a few minutes and go with them. What better way to start off the day? Turning one of the corners he stopped and bent over to pick something up off the sidewalk. He showed me four of the smallest little flowers that had all fallen from the tree overhead. They were so small and delicate but also beautiful and wonderous. What's more, there were hundreds of them all over the sidewalk. As I was sitting in my truck getting ready to head out he leaned in the open window and placed the four of them on the dashboard for my drive. It made me grin so big. Driving to work, every time I looked down, I couldn't help but smile again. It served as a good reminder to me to not take things too seriously and to stop and take the time to not just smell but see the flowers. Something much easier said than done. Something I still need to be constantly reminded of. It worked, he made me smile and helped me start my day with hope and love and laughter instead of anxiety, dread or fear. The world is growing around us and we can build off of its growth ourselves if we take the time to just look. Growing means changing and changing means learning new ways to look at the world. Look at the world you have built around you. Do you like what you see? Are you thriving in your environment? Are you taking advantage of every opportunity available to you? Or do we all just kick it like a bug in a dirt pile and get so lost in the stress we create for ouselves that we lose sight of what's really real and beautiful, love and hope and courage and strength? Don't give up, keep going and pursue the path of joy. Well it's really more just the path in life that you choose lined with joy instead of hate. More than control over your life, you have control over yourself. So do something. Spring is here and the sun is shining. Time to grow.