The Most Precious Thing I Own Is My Wedding Ring

So, let's start with a reality check. I never had a boyfriend or significant other in middle or high school. My first relationship, an extremely toxic one that damaged me for a long time, happened when I was 17 with a man who was 24. That was a really bad time in my life. Before that the most exposure I had to romance and love was in the books I read and the movies I watched. I thought life was a Disney movie and those in love acted just as if they were in Romeo & Juliet. I learned a painful lesson in a hard way. I isolated myself from my family and friends and became reliant on the person tearing me down. All of this to say that my view of love was shattered. The only thing I ever dreamed of growing up was getting married, having that man who looks into my eyes and tells me he only wants me. Someone who would want to take care of me, who would want to sweep me off my feet and give me the world. I thought, and still do most of the time, of myself as nothing and all I wanted was that feeling of being loved and having someone else believe I was worth something. Something more than I could see. After that first relationship I never thought I would recover, a lot of very bad and dark things happened and it took me years to come to terms with it. But eventually I did; I still stayed out of relationships though. My next one wasn't until just before I graduated college in Tennessee and lasted only for a few months. After graduation and after I moved to LA I had maybe a handful of short-lived relationships that never went beyond the surface. 

My faith in love began to disappear. In the bright shining lights of Hollywood it was hard to see love anywhere. But, just like that, out of the blue, he appeared. We met online, today something that isn't so unconventional anymore, and hit it off right away. I know from the first night I met him he was the one. I was dating someone at the time, someone I had caught cheating on me more than once, and as I walked my newfound love out that first night I remember turning around the hallway corner and thinking about what I was going to do and say to my boyfriend to make sure I got to see this man again. Maybe it sounds bad, but to go from being treated like crap to being put first is an amazing difference. I never had anyone treat me the way he did. He forced us to move slow and stay friends for a few months before we made a move. And I remember that first move - a night out with our friends, feelings I could no longer hold back, liquor, loud music, a speaker and a kiss. A first kiss. One I will never forget. That started it all. 

It was the first time in my life that I felt truly special, really and truly wanted by someone. For someone like me who spent most of my life believing I wasn't good enough to be loved this was something unfathomable. Something so new it was overwhelming. I was diagnosed with bi-polar when I was 17 and it has been a long and rough journey up and down and all around. It taught me to hate myself for who I was and hate the things I did that I couldn't control. I couldn't, and sometimes still can't, separate me from my disease. I see myself as bi-polar and not me. My husband was the first person to see through that and see me for who I really am. I didn't see myself as worthy of anyone's love and I excepted to spend my life alone, always searching for someone who wasn't there. 

But I did find that person, or rather he found me. Through all the chaos and the mess, when I was least expecting it, he swept me off my feet and carried me away. I still can't believe it's true. It's so fantastical to me. The downside now is living with the bi-polar while I am with the love of my life. The ups and downs don't stop, they never go away. I can be so mean and uncaring without even realizing it. I can be terrible. I hate it, and it makes me hate myself even more. I cant fathom or understand why my husband has faith in me or even still loves me. No matter how I treat him he takes care of me and loves me and goes out of his way to protect me. I would do anything for him, and I do every chance I get. 

Our wedding rings are Tungsten Steel and Meteorite; our love is to infinity and beyond, as is inscribed on the inner side of the band. My wedding band is the most important and invaluable thing I own. It means the world to me, and more. I never thought I would get one, that someone would love me enough to give me one. When I put it on or see it on my finger it reminds me not only of the love that my husband and I share but also that I am worthy of being loved and someone out there thinks so. Yes I know I should believe that myself, and I do to a point, but my disease blinds me to it. This reminder keeps me going when I want to give up. It gives me strength and reminds me of what I have. To everyone out there, single and married, love is out there for you - don't forget. I went through hell and back before it found me, and it was only after I stopped looking. Never give up. Never. This morning my husband left for work before I got up, and after I got up to get ready and went into the kitchen I saw the surprise he had left me. Sitting there on the counter were two notes with a sandwich and chips for my lunch and my coffee ready to be made. I am loved so much and it means the world to me; the best gift in life is realizing someone loves you. Take a moment and show the people you love just how much they mean to you. It will mean the world to them. 

Tami Tuesdays #5 - Friends

Friends: 

I have been very lucky to have some close friends thru out my life. Lisa and Kathy have been by my side since first grade and for many years afterwards. Even when I moved far away.our spirits were never apart. Maureen is a found friend later in life. She was my parachute during my separation and divorce. Those three strong, wonderful women have been not only friends but life coaches and sisters. My life has been blessed. If you have such fabulous friends in your life, let them know and celebrate each other!

It is so easy to get lost in life and the everyday things that happen, but it is important to remember the foundation we have that helps define us and make it through those days. That foundation includes the friends that we have, the close ones. The ones who lift us up and are there for us in our darkest moments. We choose to let them in our lives and our hearts and they choose to be there for us. Don't forget to say thank you to those who have been there for you, those close to your heart. In return, try to emulate their behavior and be there for the people you love when they are going through hard times, when they need you. We can't live in a bubble, we all depend on each other to survive. The more we fight that fact the more stress and angst we cause ourselves. Let it go, be honestly thankful and do the same for those around you. That's how to live a Joyful life.

Introducing - Tami Tuesdays - Fun, Silly & Positive Joy From Down South

Some days are just extra joyful. Today was one of those days. My best friend Lisa and I call them Goddess days.Those are the days when we both have a day or afternoon off together and meet for manis & pedis, lunch, shopping, movies ect. Today we went downtown to a favorite eatery for martinis and a wonderful lunch.We then walked in the sun from shop to shop buying fun summer jewelry, scented candles and soaps. Lisa then got an unexpected call about her Dad. He has been struggling with chemo but today was joyous news. The Dr. said his x-rays looked fantastic! So we stopped at another favorite place, sat outside and toasted his good news with a glass of wine. That is of course what Goddesses do.That was the cherry on the ice cream sundae of one of the best days! Our Goddess days don't happen as often as we would like. When they do it is pure joy!

Tami F

Here to bring us her own person Joy is Tami, our Southern Flavor of Fun & Joy. Tami is so silly and yet so supportive and an amazing friend. I have known her since 2009 and have enjoyed every moment. I just wanted to share a little bit with you about this awesome woman who is going to be sharing about herself. Mrs. Tami held the unit together on the floor of the hospital I worked on in Tennessee. Everyone loved her, she always went out of her way to make you smile and laugh. She always had a little surprise or something silly to make you smile. We talked about classic movies and horror movies in between goofing off and laughing. I remember one Valentine's Day we met downtown at this beautiful restaurant and sat at a hightop table near the front window. I remember that she got me a box of Chocolate Strawberries from Godiva I believe, I mean like heaven in a box. I have never in my life, before or after that, seen strawberries that big. And that dark chocolate was so amazing I about died. She also gave me one of the movies we always joked about. She gave me "Despicable Me" on Blu-Ray/DVD. I still have that movie, and it came with a digital copy. It makes me think of her every time I look at it. I love it, it makes me laugh so much from beginning to end because of its silliness and just carefree laughs. I miss having Ms. Tami around, but at least now we will still get to remain close through the Joy being shared that brings us all together.

The Human Connection - Keeping Warm

I saw this video early this morning on my Facebook and I just can't get it out of my head. I wanted to share this awesome example of how people can spread Joy. This time of year we all deal with the cold as best we can, never did I imagine a way to keep strangers warm outside was as simple as powering their human connection. Duracell built a heated bus stop in freezing Canada that could only be activated by fellow strangers holding hands and powering the heaters. These people put aside whatever differences between them and held each others hands in order to turn on and power the heater. Alone nothing would happen, no one person has a long enough arm span to reach both panels. It just made me smile to see these strangers coming together to help each other, and look how it affected them. Not only were they warm but they were all smiling and laughing. Spreading warmth meant spreading joy. Joy is in everything around us in the world. This is just one example of how joy comes right back to us, whether in the form of heat, happiness, kindness or any of the other multiple examples of joy. Do yourself a favor and be kind to others, you never know which way joy will return to you ten fold. Keep yourself warm, keep each other warm, keep the world warm.

New Tee & Promo!

Check out the new "Joy" themed tee available now. I love the "Joy" logo, so simple and yet startlingly honest. Hope everyone likes. 

The new promos are out now too! I love them! Save and share and spread the joy. Once we've tapped into our own fountain of joy, spreading it to those around us becomes part of the awakening and an honorary duty so sacred because it brings joy right back to you instantly!