Anger Is A Poison Of Our Own Creation

Lately I've started having a problem with anger issues again. While I do mean the anger directed outwards towards others, I mean more so the anger that we hold within - whether towards ourselves or regarding someone around us. Anger is like a poison that rots us from the inside out. While, for a time, it may fuel our thoughts and actions it is only an illusion that soon begins to destroy as it uses our own drive to fuel it's destruction. Anger tricks us into thinking that it comes from someone else's actions when in reality it comes from our own frustration at not getting things the way we wanted. An important note here is to remember that we are never always going to get the things that we want. We have to learn to accept and expect it. Only by going into life knowing that things may or may not go our way are we able to truly cope with the outcomes of our reality. Life isn't about always winning, it's about living.
After having to make some tough life choices and cut certain people out of my life lately I have been really upset. Upset that I had to do it to begin with, angry that they left me with no choice and frustrated that I couldn't stop thinking about it. Did I really make the right decision? Should I just have let this or let that slide? Should I have just turned a deaf ear and blind eye again? Why was I feeling guilty for standing up for something I believed in? It was driving me crazy, a slowly boiling kettle with no spout to let out steam. When I woke up it was one of the first things on my mind, and it plagued the background of my thoughts throughout the day. It took over, it became everything. A distraction I couldn't escape from. It was destroying me. I was letting it destory me, I was the one putting the fuel on the fire. 

If hate is the absence of joy then anger is the precursor to hate and therefore the warning flag that tells us when we are getting too close to the edge and need to back off. Anger is a human emotion, and we are all human. We will all get angry sometimes, the point where that anger becomes toxic is when it begins to cloud our judgement and dictate our actions. A life of joy is one that is not free of anger but instead not controlled by it. It's ok to feel that way about certain things, experiencing all parts of life is part of being alive, but unchecked anger serves only to eat away at our own joy and chance at a positive and meaningful life. It's like when you're walking at the park and there's that one tree that's just barely hanging on, or better yet just the stump that remains with the middle eaten and picked away at as the rot sets in. There's no doubt as to the reason why the tree is no longer standing, now it serves no other purpose than a shelter for weeds and grass to thrive. We can allow anger to eat away the core of our joyfulness and our selves or we can recognize its feeling and then push it to the side as only but a small fraction of our human response to any given situation. It is up to us whether or not we are poisoned by the monster of our own creation. 

Rule #4 - Hard Times Will Always Come, We Have To Choose How We Let Them Shape Us

Our problems with joy never stem from having too much of it, it's those times when we are truly lacking it that we realize just how hard life can be. It seems those times come in our life more often than we expect. I'm not talking about the little things that happen all day long, but sometimes even then things can feel amplified to unbelievable proportions. These bad times can drag us down and ruin our days, weeks, months or even years. Bad things are always happening and always will, the key is learning how to turn things around and make them positive or joyful. Not always smiling and happy, but joyful. There's always a joyful side to everything. Things could always have been worse, you can always have less and you could always be dead - but you're not, at least for now. Seize the moment, the day. Each of ours are limited. It's why I got the word "Joy" tattooed on the inside of my right wrist. No matter what I am doing all day long I will always see that word and be reminded that just by looking at and seeing it I have so many things to be joyful about. I can see, I am alive, I'm healthy and on and on. That's what you must find for yourself, a constant reminder that things are ok and will be as long as you don't panic and think positively. Sometimes the only joy that comes from a situation is in knowing that you have learned an important lesson, but even then isn't it worth it? A lesson learned prevents countless future mistakes. 

The only way to lead a joyful life is to look at everything joyfully. When you're walking down the street think about your day and everything that has happened so far. Take a second to breathe and reflect. If you can sort out the day you've had so far you'll be more prepared to face the rest of the day and all the things you have yet to face. Remember the joy in life, in things, in what has happened to you today and what will happen to you tomorrow. It's like footprints in the sand, there are those times when someone carries you through and instead of leaving two sets of footprints there are only one and those times when all that's left after the dust settles are prints and tracks all over in every direction resulting from the tumultulous intertwining of lives we are but a small part of. One singular thing that happens to us doesn't affect just us, it affects how we interact with others. We can let negative things keep us down and brood over them, holding on to fear, pain and vengeance, but because it affects how we then deal with the world around us and in turn the people in it we have to choose who we are going to allow to be affected. Hate is a poison spread over and over like a disease. When we hit those hard times, as we most certainly will, we have to remain strong not just for our own sake but for others. The sprawling blue ocean lies just beyond the dunes, to get there we just have to climb some hills of sand. The thing about sand is that it's tricky, you slide and slip and sink. It's almost impossible to get a grip or grasp on it. We have to rely on each other to get the support we need to stay afloat. No one can do everything alone, we are here to help lift each other up. Don't let your circumstances shape you, shape your circumstances. 

Rule #3 - Love Connects Us All, And It's A Two-Way Street

Love connects all of us. Love is each of us expressing joy outward towards others, we can't have love without joy and vice-versa. Love is what we all have in common, what connects us all to each other. Think about it like a spider web where each of us stands at a junction of strands in the web. The joy we have burning inside us spreads to others around us as we show them love, with more and more of us all interconnecting it soon becomes a spider-web formation. A spider web we are all caught up in. 

Our goal each day in our lives should be to focus on and live for our own personal joy and then share the joy we find with the people we love and the world around us in order to make it a better place. When each individual lives that way a network can be formed so that we can support each other and help each other through the ups and downs of life. Why else are we here together on this earth other than to help each other get through the things we must suffer through and celebrate the joys that we find in life? That bond between each of us that forms, that outward expression of joy, runs both ways. While it is our individual job to reach out to others, and something we should never give up no matter the response we get, it is also our job to reach back out to those around us who are opening up in turn. How much stronger is a bond between two people when it extends from both sides? Phenomenally so. I saw the new blooms on a tree today, beautiful shoots that were emerging into the warm beautiful sunlight among the deadened branches. I stopped for a moment and just looked, watching the beaches sway slowly in the calm breeze. Each of those flowers, each bud, was something beautiful emerging from the dead branches whose reach extends deep into the ground. All those beautiful flowers may come up on different branches but they are all connected by the lifeblood of the tree itself. The branches may look dead, but they connect those flowers and allow nutrients to flow to and feed them. As you go through life it's important to remember to keep that flame of joy shining bright, and to return an outstretched hand to the neighbors who reach out to you. Love is a two way street, while we can and must express it as human beings and individuals in order for it to gain power and strength it needs additional sources of hope to add kindling to the fire. Seek out that fire in others and help kindle it, ignite the spark the generates a revolution. A revolution of joy. In love. Be strong, have hope, be joyful. 

The Little Distractions In Life That Bring Joy

Too many times in life we are too busy and caught up in stress and worry that we forget to treasure the moment we are living in and lose out on the gift that's right before us. Whenever something happens at work or I get in a fight with my husband I let it bother me for hours or even days. I let it distract me and worry me when there isn't anything I can do further anyway. I miss out on all the chances that pass me by and I hate that feeling. So whenever I see something small I try to grab it. My husband and I try to take advantage of living in LA as much as we can, going to the Zoo or Griffith Park or the Observetory - whatever we can find. New and fun things.

Get silly and be creative. We were at Target the other night picking up a few things and I found something in the front savings section. For 3$ they had a "paint your own pet rock," I thought it was so cute and so silly. It was a turtle too, I am a Cancer and I thing a turtle fits me better than a crab. So I grabbed it and took it home to paint. It was ridiculously fun and I got to be creative too. It made me smile and now I have a little reminder sitting on my nightstand to take a breath and smile. Next time you start feeling lost in the storm or the next time you see something new and silly present itself - take advantage. Take a chance. Live a little, no one else is going to live for you. 

Fighting Pre-Conceived Notions Is A Full Time Job When They Are Constantly Being Rebuilt By Society

With love being the expression of joy and hate being it's absence, pre-conceived ideas and opinions are the vines that tie us down. Those vines being put there by the world around us, the society that we live immersed in. How ironic that the things that cause the biggest barriers of hate are of our own making. The society we have evolved into is one that profits off the misery and downfall of others. Look at marketing in the westernized world today, it's goal is to make you feel like you won't be enough (in whatever way) unless you have their product. It ranges from the "best" shampoo to the "purest" spring-fed water bottles to designer or name-brand clothing to skin cream and plastic surgery - the list goes on and on, expanding more with each passing day. We have created the "perfect" person that we all strive to be, the problem of course being that the perfection is ever-changing. As a byproduct of creating an ideal person we bring stereotypes and discrimination into the world. Anyone who does not fit into our little mold is thrown aside as an outcast and shunned. We group people together and put the labels on them that we are told. This religion is bad, this sexual orientation is bad, on and on. Because these choking vines come from the world we have built for ourselves they will keep coming as long as we give them a world in which to thrive. 

It is our job in life to see when those vines are obscuring our view and tying us down. Tearing them off is easy, the hard part is keeping them off because the next thing you know they have already grown back up around your ankles. The trick is to teach yourself how to identify when those thorny arms have their hold, because only then can you do something about it. Make yourself aware of how you are thinking and why you feel the way you do about things. These ideas of hate come at us from all around, television, movies, books, the news, politicians, media, etc. - constantly ensnaring and trapping us. A never-ending battle, a job for the ages. Don't give up, you're not alone; you're not the only one. Just keep pushing. Hold on to your joy and don't let go. We can't change how the world works per se, just how we work within it. 

Shaken To The Core: Standing Up For Whats Right For The Sake of MakingThe World A Better Place

The other day when my husband and I were hiking in one of my favorite parks nearby we passed a section of fence around one of the fields that was crumbling. The beams were knocked down for several sections in a row and one pillar was damaged while this one looked half-destroyed. All that stood remaining from the cracked concrete pillar were two metal rods. Even though the top had been pummeled away somehow and the rest of the stone cracked down to the core, the two rods, the so-called backbone and foundation of the pillar, were standing and would remain standing. It struck me walking by how odd it looked to see everything stripped away bare, leaving exposed the true nature of something. Just as this seemingly indestructible pillar we too are susceptible to cracking and crumbling under immense amount of pressure. No matter how hard things knock at you though, no matter how much things try to tear you down, your true self will always be there. The real you, your true self and identity. People in this life will try to attack you and peck away piece by piece, but no one can every change you. Don't be discouraged, even if they pick away at the surface the real you is still there underneath, indestructible. This past week at work combined with other previous experiences that have come up has been really hard on me. Understanding hate is something that will always elude me. I've learned the pain of having true hate directed meaningfully right at you. It was a terrible feeling that I am still trying to shake, but I am getting through it. We have to remember that, if we hold on to our true selves we can make it through anything. Not only that but we can build ourselves back up again from even nothing because we have the only thing we need to start anew - a foundation. Today I had to tell my best friend from college, someone who has been like a brother to me for over ten years, that one of his family members was no longer allowed over because of the fact that I could not deal with blatant racism especially directed towards my husband in our own home. I had been holding on to it for a week and a half because I dreaded the conversation but he took it really well, apologized, accepted my request that she not come back and even went as far as to discuss it with her to some extent later privately. I was surprised he didn't get mad and hang up or scream at me, and I felt so relieved after having finally said something that it felt like a weight off my chest. Like I could almost breathe again. I had stood up for something, and I felt proud because I did so calmly but firmly. At this point in my life, being almost thirty years old, I won't tolerate hate around me anymore and I will make sure to do my best to put an end to it. Standing up for what it right makes the world a better place and it makes you a better person, it's like standing up for joy. Defending joy from those things that thrive in it's dark absence. Next time you feel yourself shaken take hold of your roots and hold on, hold on to yourself and don't let go. Hold on to joy and don't let go. Hold on to love and don't let go. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in, for someone else, for yourself - it's ok to take a stand against the things in this world we wish we could change. Can you imagine what would happen if more people did? A revolution. 

If Love Is The Expression Of Joy, Then Hate Can Bring Nothing But An Absence of Joy

Today was one of the weirdest days at work that I have probably ever had. I have heard hate speech before and I, just like everyone else, have been insulted before. Today was the first time though that I was straight up told by someone that not only are gay people sinners and equal to that of murderers and theives but that all gay people were living in sin and therefore going to hell. Throw in some bible verses she doesn't even understand herself (I grew up Southern Baptist and attended a Southern Baptist University for a semester in Tennessee - I know my bible). I was dumbfounded to say the very least. I mean I have thought mean things about people before but I've never gone to that level. On top of that this all happened at work, in front of other staff and one of the clients at the home. I was so frustrated and upset my hands were trembling. I remember standing up and going to collect my things after a few minutes and heading over to the other house I am the RN for as well. I just had to get out of there. When she had kept going I stood up from the table, looked at her and firmly told her that this conversation was over. But she kept going. And going. Eventually I told her that the topic was now dropped and she needed to forget about it (I'm an administrator don't worry). For hours afterward and then again in the afternoon when I discussed it with our head administrator I was so upset and angry that I couldn't help but tremble and shake. It threw my mind off and ruined my whole day in a way. It bothered me even more because there were other staff who I knew were gay as well there, but luckily they were away in another room. The shock was overwhelming, I knew people thought things like that, but who would ever say those things out loud? The hate unleashed upon all who witnessed it took away any joy I was holding onto. 

I should have been strong enough to not let it phase me, or at least held on to some part of my joy in order to not let it ruin my day. What can I say though? I could not believe it had happened and more than that I was hurt. I tried not to let that part show but I was very hurt. More than that I felt uncomfortable being around her. Not so much because I was mad at her but because I didn't even know what to say to her. How am I supposed to talk to her? It's one thing to know that someone has beliefs that probably go against you or what you believe in, but to be told straight up to your face that someone thinks you are a bad person and going to hell is a terrible feeling. I know now how she really feels about me deep down. That does hurt a little.  

Of course I thought about or held it in the back of my mind the rest of the day and on the drive home. I decided though to just go home, take a nap, rest and collect my thoughts after that. When I woke up I felt a little bit better but still off somehow. I thought about the day for a little bit and finally came to one conclusion, there was only one thing to do. I had to just move on and forget what she said, after all it is just her opinion, and at work just keep things professional and only talk when needed and necessary and only about the immediate topic at hand. I couldn't undo what happened but I could put it behind me and use it as a reminder of how not to treat others. As I have said love is our outward expression of joy, we must first start with our own happiness and then we can send that out into the world to make a difference. When we send hate out into the world, instead of spreading joy, we suck up joy from those around us. Hate is poisonous, which is why it can never be tolerated in any way. It's like an orange tree, when the tree is taken care of the right way it gives healthy great-tasting fruit and when it is neglected or treated wrong the tree will either bear no fruit or the fruit it bears will be rotten. What kind of tree do you want to be? Cut out any poisonous influences in your life, they will only sabatogue your joy. Prune out the bad limbs and branches. Don't allow others to drip their poisonous rot onto your leaves. Hate should never be tolerated, even hate directed at someone else is still poison to all who hear - including you.