A Little Patience Goes A Long Way - We Are The Only Ones HoldingOurselves Back

Every day is filled with thousands of moments and thousands of interactions with the world around us. Most of those moments won't go the way we planned, but why would they? We can't control the future, we can only control how we react and adapt to things. We have so many interactions every single day, from the time we wake up to the time we go to sleep; we are constantly interacting with others. From your family to your friends to the people you work with to the strangers you run into on the street and out in public; we can't go through life without coming into contact with others. Even when we isolate ourselves, whether from fear, depression and anger, we can't cut ourselves off completely. You have to earn a living or make money somehow, even if it's just some kind of financial aide you still have to deal with offices and phone calls and forms galore. Even when we lock ourselves in our apartment to play video games we can't stand the thought of being alone so much that we now have headsets wired into the controllers in order to talk to other gamers. Phone calls, chats, texts, conversations - they are all forms of communication and interaction.

With our ever expanding technology we are constantly being connected in new and different ways to the people and world around us. From Facebook and Facebook Messenger to the iCloud & iMessage, with each passing generation we become more and more interlinked with the world. The internet makes it possible to form those bonds and links across borders and oceans. Our bubble has expanded from minuscule to global in only a few short decades. Along with that have come a whole new world and set of interactions and communications allowing the kinds of relationships that were never possible in the past. It makes you wonder where things will go next. 

Because this is still new to our species we are still adapting to it, it's meaning and its implications. Our own laws have trouble keeping up with things and our lawmakers and elected officials are paid to make sure that our laws stay current and applicable. If we can't even govern ourselves congruently then do we ourselves as individuals have any hope of navigating this messy and evolving world on our own? Of course we do, things are never as complicated as they seem. Our minds and society like to make things over complicated to trick us. One trick is due to its over analyzing and over thinking trying to do the right thing while the other plays with only winning and deceit in mind.  The trick is to not let yourself get lost in the chaos and the background noise over what is really important.
Whether we choose to accept it or not, the truth is that whenever we interact with someone it has an impact on us - positive or negative or somewhere in-between. We have a majority of control over whether these experiences benefit us our harm us, we just have to be aware of this power that we hold or we will never be able to yield it. Sometimes the effect is small and hardly noticeable and sometimes its much bigger than that. Remember back on those times you had a bad experience with some stranger in public, whether at a sporting event, movie theatre, park, mall or wherever else. Whether it was a glare that just rubbed you the wrong way or negative words exchanged the effect can be the same. It carries over into the rest of your day and ruins the joy you are trying so hard to cultivate and hold on to.
In the hurry of our day to day life it is easy to forget the value of a little patience. We get so caught up in our busy schedules and hectic lives that we often overlook the fact that by just slowing down and taking a minute to breathe we can not only positively change our own day but someone else's as well. All day long we are faced with stressors and annoyances that we can either let rub us the wrong way or we can shrug off and keep moving. Patience is a virtue, one that is too hard for most of us to even consider tying to tackle. The trick though comes in just letting go. Letting go of the illusion of control you think you have, letting go of the control you think you have on the world around you. Patience means accepting the world around you and allowing it to work in its own time to process things and bring about change. This doesn't mean they we can't stand up and help or give an extra push here or there though. 

What about that moment this morning when someone pulled out in front of you on the freeway or when someone cut in front of you in line at the Post Office? Sometimes it's hard to be patient with the world around you when it seems like nothing is going your way and everything is working against you. This is when it is important to realize and remember that there isn't anything you can do to change  your situation except to stay strong and keep pushing on. There is no giving up, there is no letting yourself or anyone else down. We are all in a hurry most of the time, our society teaches us that the only way to get anything done is in a hurry flying by the edge of your seat. Rarely do we ever take a moment to take a deep breath and enjoy this precious time we have been given. We get so wrapped up in the act of living that we forget to actually live. 

Rushing throughout our days we honk at the drivers that cut us off and grumble at the people that cut us in line at Starbucks. We grumble when someone takes the last sandwich at the company picnic and we curse the suck up who beat us for employee of the month. This thinking and course of actions only serve to hurt both us and the people around us. When we are impatient we allow two things to happen, we give others our permission to start tearing us down and we give ourselves permission to hold it against them. How does that help anyone? It doesn't. It helps no one. It leaves you open to being hurt and being torn down. We have enough stressful things that go on in our daily lives, we have to do what we can to make things better than they were before. 

When you scream at the person annoying you or flip them off as you walk or drive by does it really make you feel better or does it just release some pent up anger and frustration? We plant the seeds that grow into what our lives are to become. Those seeds sprout and grow and are carried along on our back as we go throughout our day. After countless interactions all day long, how do we really feel at the end of the day? Do we feel annoyed and stressed or do we feel calm and at peace? Most of the time it's the former. We let these little things get under our skin and tear us apart from the inside out. When we lose our patience it only hurts us and only serves to drive anger into our daily lives that we will carry with us and allow to eat us from the inside out. Those little snaps, the flashes of anger and frustration no matter how small, build up and stay with us throughout the day and have more of an effect that we know. That irritation stays with us and clings to us for the rest of the day. Instead we have to choose patience, choose the path of least resistance; the path of joy is what leads to progress, not the path to hate. 

We have moment after moment all day long to show patience and kindness to those around us. Let the driver pull in front of you, let the pedestrian cross the crosswalk, open the door for someone who's hands are full, let someone else take your spot in the elevator - the possibilities are endless. So often we are in such a hurry that we forget to be aware of what is going on around us. By having a little patience we can be an example and really show some joy to someone who probably isn't even expecting it. Being patient isn't just for ourselves, it's for the world around us. Being patient is like keeping yourself open in order to spread joy and hope openly to those around you. Patience is more of a gift than a virtue, and the rewards are immeasurable. We are the only ones holding ourselves back, we are the ones who decide how we act in the world and how we treat other people. This past weekend I spend time with my husband at the LA Waterfront in Long Beach, CA and we had a really good time. My favorite spot was along part of the boardwalk where there were 5 old anchors on display all around the planks for people to study and see. These old anchors, once lodged at the bottom of the ocean, now stand here for all to see. These beautiful nautical treasures reminded me of what we as humans are trying so often to achieve - balance and equality. Each of us has our own anchor, or set of anchors, that we use to keep us safe and grounded in rough times. When the sea starts to swell we all need something to hold on to. It is the same with patience and interacting with others, we have the things that keep us grounded in life and we must do all that we can to hold on to them and draw strength. Having those tow-cables and anchors help guide us when we feel lost and help slow us down enough to think clearly and with patience. In order to do this though we first have to find our anchor or anchors that keep us grounded. The only one holding us back is ourselves, but that isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes the anchors we hold on to help keep us from losing ground and floating back out to sea. Be patient, take your time today, hold on to your anchors and let them guide you. They are holding you at a certain point for a reason. Open yourself up and live life grounded enough to see that when you are patient all that you desire will eventually come your way. 

Springtime, Anytime - New Blossoms & New Beginnings

Today is a special day, a day in which the air is filled with the buzz of new beginnings and fresh starts. Today is the first day of Spring, a magical day where almost anything is possible. The first day of Spring marks the March Equinox, the Vernal Equinox for the Northern Hemisphere of Earth. We have an Equinox twice a year, each a time when the sun crosses from one hemisphere to another. Since our planet is tilted the northern and southern parts switch off which gets the most sunlight throughout the year. Hence, seasons. This Equinox marks the beginning of the Sun entering our hemisphere - giving us the warmth of Spring and Summer. In Fall it will cross once more and bring its warmth to the southern parts of our planet and we will have Winter. Another extraordinary thing about the Equinox is the fact that night and day are the same length, in Latin Equinox means equal night. It is a time of balance on Earth, when time seems to align momentarily as is to make sure everything is still in check. Today the sun rises due East and sets due West. It is the Universe aligning once again in its ever repeating cycle of limitless patterns. Draw strength and peace from days like today. Draw on the energy that is buzzing all around and weaving in and out of all of us. Take a moment and breathe, reflect. As Spring starts take a look at yourself, your life, how happy you are, what you want - look at everything. Let it all just wash over your mind so you can soak it in. This is a time for fresh starts and new beginnings. What do you want to change? Do you feel like there's something you just can't change but wish you could? Try. Go for it. Find support, make a plan, set a goal and don't give up. The first day of Spring is like hitting the rest button, life is jump starting outside as the cycle continues and life goes on as it always will. Use that momentum and energy to push and fuel yourself. On top of that, remember that today is also just another day. It doesn't have to be a big moment or special occasion to sit down and look at your life. To check and make sure you really are happy and joyful in life, you can do that any time anywhere. 

The first day of Spring is just special because as we drag ourselves out of the cold isolation of Winter we begin to stretch and spread our wings in the clear blue Spring skies. Take a moment today to look outside, step outside even and take a walk. Breathe in some fresh air, savor the peace and relaxation. Let the newfound energy and buzz from nature flow around you. Embrace the world around you today. Use this as an opportunity to take stock of where you are right now and where you would like to go over these coming Spring and Summer months. Spread your wings and fly today, the sky is the limit. 

Shaken To The Core: Standing Up For Whats Right For The Sake of MakingThe World A Better Place

The other day when my husband and I were hiking in one of my favorite parks nearby we passed a section of fence around one of the fields that was crumbling. The beams were knocked down for several sections in a row and one pillar was damaged while this one looked half-destroyed. All that stood remaining from the cracked concrete pillar were two metal rods. Even though the top had been pummeled away somehow and the rest of the stone cracked down to the core, the two rods, the so-called backbone and foundation of the pillar, were standing and would remain standing. It struck me walking by how odd it looked to see everything stripped away bare, leaving exposed the true nature of something. Just as this seemingly indestructible pillar we too are susceptible to cracking and crumbling under immense amount of pressure. No matter how hard things knock at you though, no matter how much things try to tear you down, your true self will always be there. The real you, your true self and identity. People in this life will try to attack you and peck away piece by piece, but no one can every change you. Don't be discouraged, even if they pick away at the surface the real you is still there underneath, indestructible. This past week at work combined with other previous experiences that have come up has been really hard on me. Understanding hate is something that will always elude me. I've learned the pain of having true hate directed meaningfully right at you. It was a terrible feeling that I am still trying to shake, but I am getting through it. We have to remember that, if we hold on to our true selves we can make it through anything. Not only that but we can build ourselves back up again from even nothing because we have the only thing we need to start anew - a foundation. Today I had to tell my best friend from college, someone who has been like a brother to me for over ten years, that one of his family members was no longer allowed over because of the fact that I could not deal with blatant racism especially directed towards my husband in our own home. I had been holding on to it for a week and a half because I dreaded the conversation but he took it really well, apologized, accepted my request that she not come back and even went as far as to discuss it with her to some extent later privately. I was surprised he didn't get mad and hang up or scream at me, and I felt so relieved after having finally said something that it felt like a weight off my chest. Like I could almost breathe again. I had stood up for something, and I felt proud because I did so calmly but firmly. At this point in my life, being almost thirty years old, I won't tolerate hate around me anymore and I will make sure to do my best to put an end to it. Standing up for what it right makes the world a better place and it makes you a better person, it's like standing up for joy. Defending joy from those things that thrive in it's dark absence. Next time you feel yourself shaken take hold of your roots and hold on, hold on to yourself and don't let go. Hold on to joy and don't let go. Hold on to love and don't let go. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in, for someone else, for yourself - it's ok to take a stand against the things in this world we wish we could change. Can you imagine what would happen if more people did? A revolution. 

Happy Valentine's Day - What Is Love? Why Are We Celebrating?

Happy Valentine's Day!! Today is one of my most favorite days of the whole year because it is one day designated solely to the celebration of love. Where so many people go wrong is either by having a narrow minded view of love or by buying into the commercial hype and excitement and forgetting about the real meaning of the day. When people talk about Hallmark Holidays or how they don't like holidays because they are just made up by companies to make more money I just feel sorry for them. They are already missing the whole point of not just that day but every holiday. The days of our lives are what we make them and the meaning our lives have come from the meaning that we give them. These holidays, such as today, are opportunities for us to take a moment and celebrate something in our lives. We only live once and we only get one shot at each day. Sure, you don't have to do anything today. You can sit at home and ignore your phone and watch movies to distract youself all day or find some other form of self-isolation to pass the time. Of course all that's going to do it isolate you further and make you feel miserable. That's you making yourself miserable, no one and nothing else. 

Or on the flip side you can decide to do something, even if you do stay in. Send a message to your brother or sister on Facebook. Call up your mom or dad. Text a picture to your best friend of both of you from when you first met and tell them how glad you are to have them. Thank the coworker who covers for you when you are late. Buy a coffee for the neighbor girl who leaves for work at the same time, or pay for the persons drink behind you in line and don't say anything. Love takes many shapes and forms, that's why it is universal and what makes it so beautiful. Today isn't about buying cards or candy or going out to dinner or getting laid, it's about celebrating the thing that connects us all - love. Love is joy shown outward. When you engage in the world and become a part of it, and when you learn to find your own personal joy, you can learn to share it by loving others unselfishly and wholeheartedly. We are all leaves on the tree of life, it's time we start acknowledging the fact that we are all connected. Connected in all kinds of different ways.There are many forms of love, today we celebrate them all. Happy Valentine's! 😘❤️🌎

Rule #1 - Life Is Never Black & White

Here we go, "Ray" or "Rule" number one. This is not only important but helps build the foundation of the rest, leading up to the final most important rule for living a joyful life. This basic principle is one we have all heard before but probably never put much thought into; life is never black and white - nothing about it is. Growing up we see the world in only two ways - good and bad. Everything is either one of those things. As we grow though we learn to realize that most things in life fall somewhere in between in the grey area, between the black and white rules and restraints our society has put into place. So much stress and worry come when we try to put something into that black or white area when it won't fit and nothing we do can change that. An example is that of labels, meaning the kind that we as a society place on each other in order to categorize. On the surface this isn't a bad thing, as humans when we meet someone new we base our initial encounter off what we have come to believe about similar people we have met in the past in order to better understand and grasp a new situation.

Problem - we are all more than a label. So much more.

The problem comes when labels turn into stereotypes and carry negative connotations. When we start to assume things about people before we get to know or even talk to them we are using those predetermined connotations against ourselves. Stereotypes are nothing more than set ways of thinking  in terms of black and white. You are either a good person or a bad person. You are rich or you are poor. The list goes on and on into infinity. Black and white can be applied to people, emotions, actions, beliefs or anything else you can think of. We try to compartmentalize and understand the world around us by setting up "shortcuts" in our mind to help us think and asses new situations faster as we face them. Problem is that we as humans aren't that predictable because we are all individuals with our own likes and dislikes, tastes and preferences; our fingerprint on the world so to speak. Think about it this way, do you want people to make up their mind about you before you ever even speak to them just because they assume something about you? No, of course not, no one does. We want people to recognize, accept and value us for who we really are - a million shades of grey. Example, if we had a list of all the traits any one human possesses/could possess and all the possible answers we could see just how different we all are while still being so very much the same. Even just one of a million questions different makes two people ever-slightly different shades of grey. The shades of grey out there are endless and limitless. While our mind may want to default to it's pre-set thoughts and notions it is up to you to train yourself to think differently. You must remind yourself constantly that things are not concrete, that there are rarely any rules that can't be broken in certain circumstances.
So much stress and anxiety come from worrying about things that aren't "normal" or "perfect" and working out in our minds what we can possibly do to not necessarily make the situation right, but to make it normal. Make it look right. After I get in a fight with someone or even say something hotly to a coworker I spend hours and hours beating myself up for possibly being perceived as mean or cruel or a bad person. I can't see myself as human, flawed - I tell myself I should be held to the perfect standard and when I can't possibly live up I berate myself endlessly. I am still teaching myself how to take a step back and see that just because I did one thing I am not a bad person and I don't need to spend the next four hours freaking out in my head for nothing. Accept reality and adapt to it. Another example, there are so many nights where I come home from work and I spend most of my night worrying obsessively over one of the client's at the houses (I am an RN who works with adults with disabilities) because they haven't gone to the bathroom or they aren't eating or their seizure activity has been up or their behavior is out of control. I have to remind myself, all the time, that my worrying does nothing except stress me out so that if I was ever needed in an emergency I would be too distracted to handle it right. I tell myself that normal people get sick and have problems and have to learn to live with them. These guys tend to have more health problems, worrying because something wasn't fitting exactly into a box wouldn't do any good for anyone. Peace comes in accepting that in this case the "normal" isn't what it normally is.
When you refuse to forgive your friend after they sincerely asked forgiveness for betraying a confidence you are automatically lumping them in the "bad" group because of one mistake. A mistake that they apologized for. How many times a day do you apologize? How many times a day should you be apologizing? Seeing things in black and white comes from stereotypes and pre-conceived ideas about how a certain group of people are. Allow yourself to see the grey in people, in situations and most importantly in life. The more we try to force life into our own mental constraints the more anxiety and angst we give ourselves. Be open to accepting the world as it is, stormy and grey. When the thunderclouds are rolling in and the air gets that smell you know rain is coming. Those clouds, as they pass slowly overhead, are layer upon layer of different shades of grey and black and white. It could be raining in the driveway and the sun could be shining in the backyard. It could be sprinkling on one side of the road and pouring rain on the other. Things are grey, the only black and white that exist are mixed together to form the ever changing tapestry of life.
If you are having a hard time think about it like this instead: there are an infinite number of numbers between 0.0 and 1.0, it doesn't have to just be 0 or 1.

Finding Joy In The Peace of Others

Saturday, finally here, woo hoo! Admit it, most of us spend the whole week looking forward to the weekend, or our days off. The freedom is intoxicating. Of course I am always on call but that's ok, most of the time I don't get any major nursing problems. I love my job and I don't mind coming in when I am needed, but sometimes I do just want a whole day to myself after working the craziest and longest hours for the past two weeks. Today I got a call at almost 10am asking when I was going to go in to the office to fill out the Incident Report that needed to be sent in. Of course after that I couldn't rest or go back to sleep or even relax. I got up, showered, got dressed and my partner made me some coffee on my way out the door. On the way there, and back for that matter, I listened to fun music. I listened to music that I loved, that put me in a good mood. Music from the past is always the best. The memories associated with certain songs can be as strong over the years as the ones made last night when you went out with friends. I just forced myself to relax by focusing on only what I was doing at that moment and I kept reminding myself that it was only one small thing I had to do and then I could go home. Of course it went by in a quick hour and I enjoyed myself. It really took me only a few minutes to write it all out and I got to visit with the guys at the house, the staff there and even my administrator. The sunny ride home was relaxing and seemed to go by pretty fast not thinking about it. When I got home I changed and got a Red Bull and we decided to go for a walk. I had the rest of the day to enjoy and do something, why sit around upset because I had to go to something when not only did I have the time and weather to have an amazing day but I also had someone who loved me and actually wanted to spend their time with me. Whenever I can make myself calm down and realize that fact I always feel better.
We scooped up little Miss Daenerys and got in the truck to go to the park. On the way we had to get gas because the light was on. Upon turning the first corner from the apartment Dany got excited and kicked my tropical Red Bull onto the floor and out of my lap. It of course spilled most of it's contents onto my lap, my leg and the floor. She jumped up scared and climbed into the backseat. Needless to say I was stupidly upset and frustrated. I didn't say anything the whole way to the gas station because I was fuming and I just wanted to scream. Why couldn't everything just go right? While I was pumping gas my partner cleaned the spilled drink and when I wasn't looking he even snuck inside and bought me a new Red Bull and got a bottle of water. I kind of had to just swallow my pride there and give in. I thanked him and forced myself to forget about the sticky situation. I couldn't believe that someone had done that for me, just because they knew I was upset about something. I mean I guess I can believe it, but it still catches me off guard every time. This is why I am in love.
We enjoyed our walk at the park and had fun with our little girl. It is always so refreshing to be out in the sun, especially among all the trees. I got to watch Miss Stormborn chase the million squirrels playing in the grass and the trees. She had just as much fun as we did. Of course she pooped herself out and had to be carried back to the truck. She enjoyed every second of it, don't be fooled. I know her tricks, my partner just gives in to her cuteness more than I do. After getting home we collapsed onto the bed to watch something funny on television and bask in the coolness of the air conditioner. Dany curled right up between us and before we were even settled she was fast asleep in bed. I sat up and just watched her, slowly breathing in and out with her eyes closed and her body curled up relaxed. She slept through the sound of the camera on the phone and me moving around to get the perfect view. She was completely out of it, poor thing. Her peaceful face just made my heart ache. Watching her there I didn't want to move at all. I could have stared at her for hours. As she calmed me down and settled my mind and heart I realized that it didn't matter if I had to go to work today for a little bit. It didn't matter that I would probably get called in tomorrow to admit a client back from the hospital. It didn't matter that I felt like all I was doing was working. I had a partner who would go out of his way to make me feel better and give me what I wanted when I screw up. Well, I have a partner. I am very lucky and there should never be a moment in time when I don't feel like I will always have someone there to back me up, even if I can't always see him. If Miss Stormborn could have the time of her life in the sun and then come home and collapse then why couldn't I let go of all the stupid things worrying me and enjoy the valuable time I keep wishing I had more of? Watching her sleep there, with my love in the background, I realized that those things didn't matter. Life is what is happening right now, when we are too busy planning and thinking to really see it and enjoy it. Today I found peace in the two loves of my life. Their being at peace and enjoying their lives joyfully gave me the support I needed to do the same. I just have to stop holding on to pain, stress and anxiety. All I ever want is more time to be with those I love, so why not take the time I do have and make the most of it?

Smurfs in the Garden

It's the little things guys, I'm tellin ya. A while back I found these two little blue guys at the 99 cent store in the garden and toy sections. After a moments hesitation I grabbed them and when I got home found the perfect spot - the flower pots. I mean they are smurfs after all. Whenever I go outside or go to water the plants I see our two blue gardeners. I love the smile I always get because it's so sincere and unexpected. Being silly and having fun is part of life. It helps us to focus on those positive things from which we draw our joy. Be joyful! Be silly! Have fun! What silly things do you do to remind yourself to smile and laugh throughout the day? What little tokens bring you joy?

800

I know it may not be much, and despite the fact that the real reason I am doing this blog is to keep myself from going crazy, but I got excited this weekend when I passed 800 views. Today was the first day of month two. So 800 in one month. I don't think that's too bad. As long as I can reach even one person a day and help them see the joy in their lives then it is worth it. I truly believe that the scars and wounds of the world will only be healed through the joy each of us  has inside all combined together in a force to be reckoned with. Spread the joy, help spread joy to those you know. My goal is to create a Joyful community that has come together to support each other and life each other up. At the end of the day we are all stuck together, let's make the absolute best out of it. Let's truly be the change we want to see in our world. 🌎🌍🌏👊