Joy Means Finding Meaning, Even in the Little Things

I went back and forth trying to figure out what I wanted to write about. I have so many ideas, but I really wanted to write about something that I had experienced or gone through or thought about today. Something I could really relate to in the here and now. Looking back over my day I was struggling to find anything major that stuck out. Yea, we had gone out and done some things today and hung out at home in the apartment together, but today was just one of those sleep in and relax days. It wasn't until I looked over and saw our little Deer Chihuahua Dany jump down from the bed onto her bed and pile of blankets in front of the heater to stay warm that I realized what today was all about. Almost knowing what I was thinking she looked back at me with one ear up as if to reassure my idea. My loving partner got Dany for me as a service animal or "therapy dog," licensed and all. Her full name is Daenerys Stormborn (from the beautiful Mother of Dragons in Game of Thrones - yes, I am a nerd) and she is about two and a half years old. I never thought I would want a tiny dog, let alone a chihuahua. Thank god Dany doesn't spend every second of the day barking or growling at everything that moves. She is so loving, and spends more time kissing me every day than my partner does. When I am feeling down there is nothing I love more than to just give in and let her attack me with kisses. A dog's unconditional love and affection is priceless, as those of you with a dog understand. She always loves me, no matter what. And I am always looking out for her or getting her something or whatever it is she needs at the time. The unspoken urge to both love and protect each other is strong between us; it's almost as if she were my doggie soulmate haha. Get this, she even has the same birthday as me. Crazy, right?! Dany's second favorite activity is working her way under the comforter and sheets and positioning herself between us or down at our legs to stay warm and be close. It's a good, warm feeling knowing that she's there. Anyway, back to the main point. Today was about enjoying all the small things that make me happy. The plans we had for the day got postponed and so we found ourselves with nothing to do. After sleeping in and relaxing at home drinking coffee and catching up on the new season of "Downton Abbey" we went out to one of our favorite areas to walk around the shops and just talk to each other while relaxing and having fun. A little sun didn't hurt either. For dinner we brought home Chipotle and then just grabbed some groceries before walking Dany and settling down to watch movies in bed and play on our iPhones. My point is that while none of these things are really that special or out of the ordinary, the point is that they are all things that bring me joy.
It is important to remember to take time for yourself, put your joy as a priority and so will your life. Every day it is important to have at least one thing you can use to escape even for just a few moments. Something that transports you somewhere else, something that makes you smile on the inside or the outside. Hold on to and treasure these things. Bad and good things will always happen to us, if we choose to remember the bad things then we are making ourselves unhappy. We can't change the past remember, so might as well remember the times that make us happy and the times that we hold dear to us to help us along our journey through the decisions we still have yet to make that we have control over.

It can be a song that makes you feel stronger and like you can face the day or a picture of a lost loved one who always taught you how to smile. What matters most is just how much it means to you. Put it somewhere out in the open or in the path of your daily routine. Tape the picture on the inside of your day planner or make a new playlist you can always skip to on your iPhone while you're driving. Every month or so I attach myself to a new song that I will play obsessively for weeks at a time. I drive my partner crazy but I always pick a song that means something to me at that moment. It could be "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen because it reminds me of when I first met the love of my life or "Jet Pack Blues" by Fall Out Boy because for some reason I just feel it deep down and the lyrics come naturally to my my mind and my memory. The fun is finding that new song that is just right. Sometimes before I go to sleep I turn on Pokemon on Netflix for just thirty minutes or so because it reminds me of growing up with my little brother. I am a nerd and a dork, I know, but at least embracing it gives me the freedom I need to be myself and live happily.

Whenever I trigger my inner Joy it always makes me feel better no matter what is going on. It makes me look around at the world around me and really see it. I notice the beautiful clouds and sun in the sky, the gigantic trees overhanging the street, how the guy I just let turn out in front of my truck looks in his mirror and waves thanks, on and on. The little things rarely make themselves obviously known. That's when I truly realize that the joy in life comes from the little things. Today when we went to the mall I got to spend a few hours with my best friend and soul mate just talking and joking around and laughing together. To me that is worth a million ga-jiion times more than all the currency on earth.  Growing up I always longed to meet someone and get married and settled down and have someone always there to help me and love me. Someone for me to love and take care of. Doing things like just going to the mall remind me that even through whatever turmoils I am going through right now I still have my dream right next me for every moment. Someone to be with me throughout the ups and downs. This brings me such joy whenever I remember just how lucky I am  that I can feel it puff my chest up and make my heart jump a million times a minute. When I pick up my phone and see him in the background looking back at me the same thing happens. Life is in the details. When everything is going wrong we have to remember that the true joy comes in those small details and memories and traditions that you will cherish for the rest of your life. 

We all go through tough times daily, at work and in life. If we can find those little details, the small silver linings of your life, then we can make it through anything. And make it through joyful. I challenge you to find one thing, one detail or tradition or memory, and focus on it. Put out reminders to help you not forget the good things in your life. Carry it with you as a tool of strength and a weapon against fear and loneliness. Don't be too stressed out or upset that you can't see the happy things in life or even worse seeing it and being too stubborn to admit that even when you are angry or hurt or stressed out there are always things to be happy about. We have air to breathe. We have food to eat. We have clothes to wear. We have a computer or phone (if you're reading this you have to have something). We have eyes to read. We all have that favorite movie at home from childhood that we secretly watch when we want to feel like life hasn't changed too much. Find one that means the most to you and hold on for dear life let it be your lifeboat in turbulent waters. Let yourself be your own savior, Joy is all around us if we choose to acknowledge and see it. For everyone reading, let me know what you pick or what you already use. Leave me a comment. I'd love to hear. Stay joyful everyone, there's no other way to be. 

The Joy of Being Yourself

Our entire culture is based on a fabricated lie. A lie so simple, and yet the ramifications are more widespread than we can really grasp or imagine. We are told from every angle, except maybe the one at home sometimes, growing up that we aren't good enough or we are different. Sometimes we are told outright, but most of the time it is so subtle that entire companies and empires have built themselves around making people feel better about themselves in a number of different ways. From the clothing ads up at the mall with mostly naked men and women wearing hardly anything more than some form of shirt to the commercials on tv for the new blockbuster movie coming soon the mainstream media culture bases everything on perpetuating the idea that people are not good enough as they are and the only way to fit in is to buy this pair of shoes or this diamond bracelet. The skinny model in hardly any workout clothes running down the track on the 20 second television ad is trying to sell new sneakers. How? Sex appeal. When that doesn't work show people what they want and tell them you'll give it to him. The problem is everything people want is unrealistic because we are all set on making our dreams unobtainable so as to never actually achieve the goals we set for ourselves. Everyone wants to be thin, pretty, sexy, hot and on and on. Everyone wants to look good in work out clothes and sneakers. By showing you what you want to see, what you want for yourself, and wrapping up whatever product in bright shiny cellophane paper to put on display for the world to see, they make money off our self-perpetuated unrealistic ideas that were placed there by them in the first place.
If we thought that we were just as good the way we were we wouldn't buy the new skinny jean to look cute at work or the sex enhancement drugs in every gas station (note each pack is a different combination of pills of different shapes and sizes - always thought that was a bit weird). We wouldn't buy the new phone just to fit in or the new sunglasses that will make you popular with your friends. There are times that secretly we all want our friends or co-workers to be just a little envious of our social life, clothes, ideas, etc. etc. We want to feel envied because then it makes us feel better off or more superior than someone else. We want other people to notice us. That is why we all try to fit in. This is pretty much what middle and high school are all about. Anyway, these messages are thrown at us every second of every day from the time that we can start remembering. The problem is we ourselves and we as a society perpetuate the myth of the perfectly ideal person. We don't always do it on purpose, but because it has already been engrained in us. 

How do we wake up and see the problem? The first step is to accept yourself for who you are and see that you don't have to be like the "perfect" person on tv. You are important because you are you. There is only one you and there will only ever be one you which makes you both unique and valuable. We all have things about us we can work on like anger or sex or swearing or whatever it is for you, but our identity will always be the same no matter what we or anyone else does. If we will always be ourselves, why do we need to worry about changing things about ourselves to make us blend in better with society? The answer is we don't need to worry. Realize that. Stop. Think about the fact that you are you, sitting or standing wherever you are, pause and realize that you are already the way you are supposed to be. It's a hard thing to do, very hard. And just because you become enlightened it does not mean that you still won't be drawn back toward the darkness on and off. The temptation is always there, which is why we truly must change our mindset and worldview to include accepting and loving ourselves. 

Everything we do and learn is a process, a learning process, that can take anywhere from a few moments to a lifetime. The same is true for learning to accept yourself. It won't happen overnight. For me it took years for the message to really start to sink in. Just keep reminding yourself, give yourself reminders around you to help trigger the memory of yourself periodically throughout the day. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate or time consuming. Every month I take my snowman post it notes and put them together to make a snowman on my monthly desk calendar. I'll outline it in different colors and maybe add a hat or something, but I always write "Smile Now" across the middle of the snowman. Every month I get to do it all again and it helps remind me why I do it. Even when I'm so angry I want to scream or so depressed I want to sob in the bathroom alone, when I see that note I can't help but laugh or at least smile. All I can think is "seriously, if anyone knew I did this they would think I was retarded." But that alone makes me smile or laugh; laughing at my own attempt to encourage myself makes me smile which in turn lifts my spirits and helps me keep going a little bit longer. You can do anything. Whatever has meaning to you. Maybe a note on the mirror or a figure on the dashboard in your truck or one of the kid's  finger paintings hung on the fridge. Find whatever drives you. Whatever inspires you and gives you strength. It's all about you, and it doesn't always have to be the same thing all the time. I'll probably keep doing my snowman post its until I run out and then maybe I'll put a sticker on my day planner. Or any other number of things I'll think up between now and then. Use the things that make you smile. When you smile it's like giving yourself a hug, and we all know how good it feels to get a truly good hug. That smile is an inward reflection of acceptance. Didn't think a smile could do all that did you? If you don't believe me try it. After a week of consciously making yourself smile, if you aren't happier in life then I'll shut up. But I've never seen that happen. I've never heard of it happening. I doubt it ever will. Get to brainstorming for a while, ponder while you work or drive. What reminds you of just how awesomely unique you are?

Joy Is A Conscious Decision

Life is full of ups and downs and everything in between. We have good days and we have terrible days. There is no way around it, no matter how much we worry, stress or plan nothing will stop bad things from ever happening to us. The old cliche is true, our own pleasure is based not on what happens to us but on the way that we decide to perceive and react to any given situation. I remember people always telling me to just think positive and stay happy and nothing will ever go wrong; in the end I always just wanted to punch them in the face. What could I possibly do to make myself never react negatively or even more so to never think negatively? Impossible. There is just too much bad sh** in this world, but what can you do about it? It's going to happen to you whether you are thinking positive or not so why waste the effort? The answer is for our own peace and enjoyment of the numbered and precious days we have left here on this earth. 

No situation has a "right" response, we are all individuals with emotions and identities that make us each unique. We can't say that everyone should respond to Situation A with Response B; each of us comes to the situation with different mentalities, backgrounds, experiences and on and on. How I celebrate good news or despair over bad news will not be the same way that you do so. So, then, what guidelines do we have to help us out? The answer is so simple that at first you probably won't believe or even see it. The more you think about it though, the more you really look at yourself and what you do, you begin to see that in the end it was the simplest way that got you to the joyful place you were searching for. First off, everything in life must be contextualized, how we understand the world is based on our understanding of relationships between people and/or things. One dilemma taking place now might be nothing more than a passing thought in 6 months when life has turned itself all around and upside down. Whether we are happy or sad we have to keep the long term in mind and place our current situation in that long term (the bigger picture) to see just how important it really is.

For example, we can take my day today. Waking up late this morning I received a phone call from my co-administrator asking if I was going to make the interview in 20 minutes. After the interview I had to take care of everything else that needed to be done today. I went to one of the other houses in our adult living program for special needs adults and worked on paperwork from an event the night before that brought me into the house well past dark. Then off to my second house for a few hours for paperwork before heading back to the main house to work on even more charting and paperwork. After getting to deliver a write-up to someone I was called back to the house from the night before to speak with the nurse and administrator. It had nothing to do with the night before, but instead with rumors being told to the Director of Care Services and Nursing Director about tension in the house between staff and administrators on top of rumors that staff were not happy with my performance.

Where do I even begin? It's one of those What The F*** moments. Most of the time I can handle change and emergencies, but quite often I have a hard time adjusting at first because my original "plan" that I depend on has been changed. Losing that reaction time though makes a big difference. I normally would have started rushing around the apartment to get ready, throwing things in my bag and yelling things at my partner in a voice that is never appropriate. My heart would have leaped out of my chest, racing at a million miles a second, and would have stayed that way for most of the rest of the day. But I didn't allow myself to overreact. I stopped myself right after the phone call and I looked at the clock and decided what I needed to do in what order right now to get there when I needed to be there. If I freaked out then it would just take even longer to get ready and get there and then I really would have something to stress about. And I didn't want to spend the rest of my day on an adrenaline overdrive because God knows I can barely handle myself at normal speed. After I got dressed, did my hair and got my coffee and lunch I was on my way before the interview. I was there only 4 minutes after 10, and the interview had just been pushed back to 1030. If I had freaked out and ruined my own day and my own happiness it would have all been for nothing. But I did the right thing and focused only on what I could do myself to get things the way I wanted. It felt good, I really never thought I would be able to do it. After all my hard work and trying it came to me in an instant once I looked at the bigger picture. What really is important today? What should we be thinking about for Tomorrow? We have one shot at today and the more time we waste trying to control things we can't control and despairing over things we cannot change the less time we have to actually live this life we are so upset has been disturbed.

When you get up in the morning ask yourself what is important today? What is important for me to do? What can I do or work on if I have time? What am I grateful for this morning? There is always something to be grateful for, no matter what. That is why I have the word "joy" tattooed on the inside of my right wrist. Whenever I use my right hand I get a glimpse of it, and it reminds me that if I am reading it at that moment in time - then there was at least 1 reason to be joyful. I am alive. I am breathing. I have a loving partner, family and dog. I love my job. I have a safe place to sleep that keeps me warm. I have plenty of food to eat, and mostly the foods I like. I have a truck to get me where I need to go. I have at least one person I can count on for anything and trust implicitly. So many of these things we take for granted and we forget how lucky we are to have all these luxuries. So what if you spill your coffee today or ruin your favorite shirt. Get some more coffee and change, go on with your day. You can't un-ruin the shirt, but maybe this will give you the opportunity to start wearing that other favorite shirt you have been wanting to revive again. The bigger picture is life, and today is but one minuscule portion. When something happens next time ask yourself how you would respond tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or in 10 years. Overreacting is easy, I've done it most of my life, but it makes life miserable and if we only have one shot we better make it freaking count. You are the cause of your own misery in life. Things affect you how you let them affect you. Your best friend passing away could incapacitate you for weeks and change your perception of trust and friendship or it could reinforce to you the importance of love and friendship and caring about someone. You can miss your friend, but do you think they would want you to stop living just because they could't be there to witness it? Grief is healthy and something that will always be there. We can destroy our own joy and happiness by letting things that we have no control over affect us or we can take control and be the leaders of our own destiny. By making the conscious decision to cherish the memory of your friend and to put a picture of him up on the mirror to remind you every day just how much someone can care about you or any other way to remember the positive influence this important person had on your life you allow yourself to come to terms with life, come to terms with things you can not change and come to terms with planning a healthy future with a healthy mindset. 

Bad things happen every second of every day to every person on earth. In a way I wish I could make it all go away, but I also know that these hardships, dilemmas and heartaches help to shape the people we become. Tomorrow morning wake up and make the conscious decision to focus on the positive, seeing the light among the darkness and bringing it into focus. That is what joy is, accepting the good, the bad and everything we can't control and still knowing that our lives are filled with happiness if we only choose to look. No one else is going to look for us or make us look, it is up to each and every one of us whether we want to grasp life by the horns and enjoy the ride we will never get again.

Joyful: My Pursuit of Myself & Who I Am

For a while now the people close to me have been suggesting I start writing again, the easiest way being an online journey for the world to see.... And join. I know that there are many others like me out there because without the drive to be joyful and to better yourself in order to reach your maximum potential our world around us wouldn't exist the way it is today. For better or worse. I realized long ago that life is not about being happy all the time, mostly because it's not possible. In life the negative things that make us grow shape the people we become and allow us to truly fulfill ourselves and validate our own reason for being on this planet. We are here to live. We have only one lifetime to live, living in fear or anxiety or anger only leads to unhappiness. Unhappiness that will destroy your one chance to be who you truly are. 

Life is not about being happy, life is about being thankful for the things that we have and being grateful for the lessons we have learned along the way. It is a hard mentality and life to reach. Believe me, I've had my share of life-shattering events, including receiving a diagnosis of an incurable disease and still somehow pushing on and living a full life despite the shadow following me for the rest of my life. Bad things are going to happen no matter what we do, we can't prevent something from happening by worrying or stressing about it and we can't change anything by going into the past. The only thing we have control over is how we react to a situation. I tell myself this constantly, at least ten times a day - on a good day. If we choose to stay calm and take things one at a time (which is all we are capable of anyway) then we will always have control of ourselves in any situation. If your partner leaves you it is because they are choosing to (in a healthy situation) and letting your grief and sadness overwhelm you and effect your happiness and life is dangerous  because it not only eats away at the person that you are but it soils everything else going on in your life because it consumes everything about you. I'm not saying we shouldn't feel anything, life is about feeling - but like all things, moderation is key. An over abundance of unnecessary emotions like anxiety, grief, anger, guilt and sadness set up our one shot at being joyful to fail before it even begins. 

The key is to make yourself focus on the positive, not just in life but in every situation. When things get overwhelming I stop, take a deep breath, and tackle only one thing at a time with my full attention because it is the best I can possibly do. I know life can be overwhelming and hard, I've spent the past 28 years wondering if I appeared as crazy to the rest of the world as I did to myself. Life is a journey, a journey paved with not happiness but joy. It is impossible to always be happy, but by focusing on the positive we can overcome our hurdles and live a life of joy. Only then do we know just how not-so-bad off we truly are and we begin to conceptualize the world around us the way it was meant to be seen. 

I am not sure where this journey will lead me - or us, hopefully - and I do not know how I am going to get there or even a map showing where to go. This is life. This is my journey to reclaim the joy in my life and truly utilize and enjoy this one precious chance I have. 💋😘💀