Anger Is A Poison Of Our Own Creation

Lately I've started having a problem with anger issues again. While I do mean the anger directed outwards towards others, I mean more so the anger that we hold within - whether towards ourselves or regarding someone around us. Anger is like a poison that rots us from the inside out. While, for a time, it may fuel our thoughts and actions it is only an illusion that soon begins to destroy as it uses our own drive to fuel it's destruction. Anger tricks us into thinking that it comes from someone else's actions when in reality it comes from our own frustration at not getting things the way we wanted. An important note here is to remember that we are never always going to get the things that we want. We have to learn to accept and expect it. Only by going into life knowing that things may or may not go our way are we able to truly cope with the outcomes of our reality. Life isn't about always winning, it's about living.
After having to make some tough life choices and cut certain people out of my life lately I have been really upset. Upset that I had to do it to begin with, angry that they left me with no choice and frustrated that I couldn't stop thinking about it. Did I really make the right decision? Should I just have let this or let that slide? Should I have just turned a deaf ear and blind eye again? Why was I feeling guilty for standing up for something I believed in? It was driving me crazy, a slowly boiling kettle with no spout to let out steam. When I woke up it was one of the first things on my mind, and it plagued the background of my thoughts throughout the day. It took over, it became everything. A distraction I couldn't escape from. It was destroying me. I was letting it destory me, I was the one putting the fuel on the fire. 

If hate is the absence of joy then anger is the precursor to hate and therefore the warning flag that tells us when we are getting too close to the edge and need to back off. Anger is a human emotion, and we are all human. We will all get angry sometimes, the point where that anger becomes toxic is when it begins to cloud our judgement and dictate our actions. A life of joy is one that is not free of anger but instead not controlled by it. It's ok to feel that way about certain things, experiencing all parts of life is part of being alive, but unchecked anger serves only to eat away at our own joy and chance at a positive and meaningful life. It's like when you're walking at the park and there's that one tree that's just barely hanging on, or better yet just the stump that remains with the middle eaten and picked away at as the rot sets in. There's no doubt as to the reason why the tree is no longer standing, now it serves no other purpose than a shelter for weeds and grass to thrive. We can allow anger to eat away the core of our joyfulness and our selves or we can recognize its feeling and then push it to the side as only but a small fraction of our human response to any given situation. It is up to us whether or not we are poisoned by the monster of our own creation. 

Rule #4 - Hard Times Will Always Come, We Have To Choose How We Let Them Shape Us

Our problems with joy never stem from having too much of it, it's those times when we are truly lacking it that we realize just how hard life can be. It seems those times come in our life more often than we expect. I'm not talking about the little things that happen all day long, but sometimes even then things can feel amplified to unbelievable proportions. These bad times can drag us down and ruin our days, weeks, months or even years. Bad things are always happening and always will, the key is learning how to turn things around and make them positive or joyful. Not always smiling and happy, but joyful. There's always a joyful side to everything. Things could always have been worse, you can always have less and you could always be dead - but you're not, at least for now. Seize the moment, the day. Each of ours are limited. It's why I got the word "Joy" tattooed on the inside of my right wrist. No matter what I am doing all day long I will always see that word and be reminded that just by looking at and seeing it I have so many things to be joyful about. I can see, I am alive, I'm healthy and on and on. That's what you must find for yourself, a constant reminder that things are ok and will be as long as you don't panic and think positively. Sometimes the only joy that comes from a situation is in knowing that you have learned an important lesson, but even then isn't it worth it? A lesson learned prevents countless future mistakes. 

The only way to lead a joyful life is to look at everything joyfully. When you're walking down the street think about your day and everything that has happened so far. Take a second to breathe and reflect. If you can sort out the day you've had so far you'll be more prepared to face the rest of the day and all the things you have yet to face. Remember the joy in life, in things, in what has happened to you today and what will happen to you tomorrow. It's like footprints in the sand, there are those times when someone carries you through and instead of leaving two sets of footprints there are only one and those times when all that's left after the dust settles are prints and tracks all over in every direction resulting from the tumultulous intertwining of lives we are but a small part of. One singular thing that happens to us doesn't affect just us, it affects how we interact with others. We can let negative things keep us down and brood over them, holding on to fear, pain and vengeance, but because it affects how we then deal with the world around us and in turn the people in it we have to choose who we are going to allow to be affected. Hate is a poison spread over and over like a disease. When we hit those hard times, as we most certainly will, we have to remain strong not just for our own sake but for others. The sprawling blue ocean lies just beyond the dunes, to get there we just have to climb some hills of sand. The thing about sand is that it's tricky, you slide and slip and sink. It's almost impossible to get a grip or grasp on it. We have to rely on each other to get the support we need to stay afloat. No one can do everything alone, we are here to help lift each other up. Don't let your circumstances shape you, shape your circumstances. 

Rule #3 - Love Connects Us All, And It's A Two-Way Street

Love connects all of us. Love is each of us expressing joy outward towards others, we can't have love without joy and vice-versa. Love is what we all have in common, what connects us all to each other. Think about it like a spider web where each of us stands at a junction of strands in the web. The joy we have burning inside us spreads to others around us as we show them love, with more and more of us all interconnecting it soon becomes a spider-web formation. A spider web we are all caught up in. 

Our goal each day in our lives should be to focus on and live for our own personal joy and then share the joy we find with the people we love and the world around us in order to make it a better place. When each individual lives that way a network can be formed so that we can support each other and help each other through the ups and downs of life. Why else are we here together on this earth other than to help each other get through the things we must suffer through and celebrate the joys that we find in life? That bond between each of us that forms, that outward expression of joy, runs both ways. While it is our individual job to reach out to others, and something we should never give up no matter the response we get, it is also our job to reach back out to those around us who are opening up in turn. How much stronger is a bond between two people when it extends from both sides? Phenomenally so. I saw the new blooms on a tree today, beautiful shoots that were emerging into the warm beautiful sunlight among the deadened branches. I stopped for a moment and just looked, watching the beaches sway slowly in the calm breeze. Each of those flowers, each bud, was something beautiful emerging from the dead branches whose reach extends deep into the ground. All those beautiful flowers may come up on different branches but they are all connected by the lifeblood of the tree itself. The branches may look dead, but they connect those flowers and allow nutrients to flow to and feed them. As you go through life it's important to remember to keep that flame of joy shining bright, and to return an outstretched hand to the neighbors who reach out to you. Love is a two way street, while we can and must express it as human beings and individuals in order for it to gain power and strength it needs additional sources of hope to add kindling to the fire. Seek out that fire in others and help kindle it, ignite the spark the generates a revolution. A revolution of joy. In love. Be strong, have hope, be joyful. 

The Little Distractions In Life That Bring Joy

Too many times in life we are too busy and caught up in stress and worry that we forget to treasure the moment we are living in and lose out on the gift that's right before us. Whenever something happens at work or I get in a fight with my husband I let it bother me for hours or even days. I let it distract me and worry me when there isn't anything I can do further anyway. I miss out on all the chances that pass me by and I hate that feeling. So whenever I see something small I try to grab it. My husband and I try to take advantage of living in LA as much as we can, going to the Zoo or Griffith Park or the Observetory - whatever we can find. New and fun things.

Get silly and be creative. We were at Target the other night picking up a few things and I found something in the front savings section. For 3$ they had a "paint your own pet rock," I thought it was so cute and so silly. It was a turtle too, I am a Cancer and I thing a turtle fits me better than a crab. So I grabbed it and took it home to paint. It was ridiculously fun and I got to be creative too. It made me smile and now I have a little reminder sitting on my nightstand to take a breath and smile. Next time you start feeling lost in the storm or the next time you see something new and silly present itself - take advantage. Take a chance. Live a little, no one else is going to live for you. 

Fighting Pre-Conceived Notions Is A Full Time Job When They Are Constantly Being Rebuilt By Society

With love being the expression of joy and hate being it's absence, pre-conceived ideas and opinions are the vines that tie us down. Those vines being put there by the world around us, the society that we live immersed in. How ironic that the things that cause the biggest barriers of hate are of our own making. The society we have evolved into is one that profits off the misery and downfall of others. Look at marketing in the westernized world today, it's goal is to make you feel like you won't be enough (in whatever way) unless you have their product. It ranges from the "best" shampoo to the "purest" spring-fed water bottles to designer or name-brand clothing to skin cream and plastic surgery - the list goes on and on, expanding more with each passing day. We have created the "perfect" person that we all strive to be, the problem of course being that the perfection is ever-changing. As a byproduct of creating an ideal person we bring stereotypes and discrimination into the world. Anyone who does not fit into our little mold is thrown aside as an outcast and shunned. We group people together and put the labels on them that we are told. This religion is bad, this sexual orientation is bad, on and on. Because these choking vines come from the world we have built for ourselves they will keep coming as long as we give them a world in which to thrive. 

It is our job in life to see when those vines are obscuring our view and tying us down. Tearing them off is easy, the hard part is keeping them off because the next thing you know they have already grown back up around your ankles. The trick is to teach yourself how to identify when those thorny arms have their hold, because only then can you do something about it. Make yourself aware of how you are thinking and why you feel the way you do about things. These ideas of hate come at us from all around, television, movies, books, the news, politicians, media, etc. - constantly ensnaring and trapping us. A never-ending battle, a job for the ages. Don't give up, you're not alone; you're not the only one. Just keep pushing. Hold on to your joy and don't let go. We can't change how the world works per se, just how we work within it. 

Shaken To The Core: Standing Up For Whats Right For The Sake of MakingThe World A Better Place

The other day when my husband and I were hiking in one of my favorite parks nearby we passed a section of fence around one of the fields that was crumbling. The beams were knocked down for several sections in a row and one pillar was damaged while this one looked half-destroyed. All that stood remaining from the cracked concrete pillar were two metal rods. Even though the top had been pummeled away somehow and the rest of the stone cracked down to the core, the two rods, the so-called backbone and foundation of the pillar, were standing and would remain standing. It struck me walking by how odd it looked to see everything stripped away bare, leaving exposed the true nature of something. Just as this seemingly indestructible pillar we too are susceptible to cracking and crumbling under immense amount of pressure. No matter how hard things knock at you though, no matter how much things try to tear you down, your true self will always be there. The real you, your true self and identity. People in this life will try to attack you and peck away piece by piece, but no one can every change you. Don't be discouraged, even if they pick away at the surface the real you is still there underneath, indestructible. This past week at work combined with other previous experiences that have come up has been really hard on me. Understanding hate is something that will always elude me. I've learned the pain of having true hate directed meaningfully right at you. It was a terrible feeling that I am still trying to shake, but I am getting through it. We have to remember that, if we hold on to our true selves we can make it through anything. Not only that but we can build ourselves back up again from even nothing because we have the only thing we need to start anew - a foundation. Today I had to tell my best friend from college, someone who has been like a brother to me for over ten years, that one of his family members was no longer allowed over because of the fact that I could not deal with blatant racism especially directed towards my husband in our own home. I had been holding on to it for a week and a half because I dreaded the conversation but he took it really well, apologized, accepted my request that she not come back and even went as far as to discuss it with her to some extent later privately. I was surprised he didn't get mad and hang up or scream at me, and I felt so relieved after having finally said something that it felt like a weight off my chest. Like I could almost breathe again. I had stood up for something, and I felt proud because I did so calmly but firmly. At this point in my life, being almost thirty years old, I won't tolerate hate around me anymore and I will make sure to do my best to put an end to it. Standing up for what it right makes the world a better place and it makes you a better person, it's like standing up for joy. Defending joy from those things that thrive in it's dark absence. Next time you feel yourself shaken take hold of your roots and hold on, hold on to yourself and don't let go. Hold on to joy and don't let go. Hold on to love and don't let go. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in, for someone else, for yourself - it's ok to take a stand against the things in this world we wish we could change. Can you imagine what would happen if more people did? A revolution. 

If Love Is The Expression Of Joy, Then Hate Can Bring Nothing But An Absence of Joy

Today was one of the weirdest days at work that I have probably ever had. I have heard hate speech before and I, just like everyone else, have been insulted before. Today was the first time though that I was straight up told by someone that not only are gay people sinners and equal to that of murderers and theives but that all gay people were living in sin and therefore going to hell. Throw in some bible verses she doesn't even understand herself (I grew up Southern Baptist and attended a Southern Baptist University for a semester in Tennessee - I know my bible). I was dumbfounded to say the very least. I mean I have thought mean things about people before but I've never gone to that level. On top of that this all happened at work, in front of other staff and one of the clients at the home. I was so frustrated and upset my hands were trembling. I remember standing up and going to collect my things after a few minutes and heading over to the other house I am the RN for as well. I just had to get out of there. When she had kept going I stood up from the table, looked at her and firmly told her that this conversation was over. But she kept going. And going. Eventually I told her that the topic was now dropped and she needed to forget about it (I'm an administrator don't worry). For hours afterward and then again in the afternoon when I discussed it with our head administrator I was so upset and angry that I couldn't help but tremble and shake. It threw my mind off and ruined my whole day in a way. It bothered me even more because there were other staff who I knew were gay as well there, but luckily they were away in another room. The shock was overwhelming, I knew people thought things like that, but who would ever say those things out loud? The hate unleashed upon all who witnessed it took away any joy I was holding onto. 

I should have been strong enough to not let it phase me, or at least held on to some part of my joy in order to not let it ruin my day. What can I say though? I could not believe it had happened and more than that I was hurt. I tried not to let that part show but I was very hurt. More than that I felt uncomfortable being around her. Not so much because I was mad at her but because I didn't even know what to say to her. How am I supposed to talk to her? It's one thing to know that someone has beliefs that probably go against you or what you believe in, but to be told straight up to your face that someone thinks you are a bad person and going to hell is a terrible feeling. I know now how she really feels about me deep down. That does hurt a little.  

Of course I thought about or held it in the back of my mind the rest of the day and on the drive home. I decided though to just go home, take a nap, rest and collect my thoughts after that. When I woke up I felt a little bit better but still off somehow. I thought about the day for a little bit and finally came to one conclusion, there was only one thing to do. I had to just move on and forget what she said, after all it is just her opinion, and at work just keep things professional and only talk when needed and necessary and only about the immediate topic at hand. I couldn't undo what happened but I could put it behind me and use it as a reminder of how not to treat others. As I have said love is our outward expression of joy, we must first start with our own happiness and then we can send that out into the world to make a difference. When we send hate out into the world, instead of spreading joy, we suck up joy from those around us. Hate is poisonous, which is why it can never be tolerated in any way. It's like an orange tree, when the tree is taken care of the right way it gives healthy great-tasting fruit and when it is neglected or treated wrong the tree will either bear no fruit or the fruit it bears will be rotten. What kind of tree do you want to be? Cut out any poisonous influences in your life, they will only sabatogue your joy. Prune out the bad limbs and branches. Don't allow others to drip their poisonous rot onto your leaves. Hate should never be tolerated, even hate directed at someone else is still poison to all who hear - including you. 

Better Get To Livin'

Being from Tennessee I have always had a soft spot for Dolly Parton, when my mom was pregnant with me she and my dad went to see Dolly and Kenny Rogers in concert and apparently I was kicking and going wild in my mom's tummy the whole time. I can remember listening to all of her new and classic music growing up and through the years I have continued to follow her career. That soothing voice coupled with her amazing spirit of hope and courage make her one amazing woman. Having revolutionized Country Music for decades she has a catalog of hits to pick from, but for some reason today I picked "Better Get To Livin" from her Backwoods Barbie album. As soon as it hit the chorus the first time I grinned and knew why I had somehow randomly chosen this song to listen to first.

There's nothing better than a good anthem, let alone a good county anthem, and who better to sing one than the Queen of Country herself, Mrs. Dolly Parton. Just as most of her other songs this one was as uplifting and meaningful as anything else. Probably because she wrote this song as well as most of her others, gotta have respect for that. A real artist. Anyway, the title of the song says it all - You Better Get To Livin. Dolly tells of how so many people come to her with stories of their woes and hardships and heartaches and she only has one thing to say to them - you only have one shot, one chance, and it's pointless to waste it with things that aren't important. 

One line struck me as well, about forgivin'. In order to be joyful and truly live life to its fullest we have to let go of the hate and negativity we hold within us. This includes grudges and ill will towards others. These poisonous thoughts only hurt you, not the person you're so angry at. Life is short - we can either waste the time we have or use it to live. What makes our lives so beautiful is the fact that we die, the fact that we don't last forever. Think about a bright beautiful red rose. When it blooms we all stop to take a second and look and smell. Why? Because we know it wasn't there the day before and it will be there for an unknown limited amount of days. 

The secret to life is having a positive attitude, like she says all healing has to start with you. Don't sweat the small stuff, follow your dreams and never give up. The number of minutes we have left is set even if we don't know it yet, so we have to find the joy in each and every minute as it passes by. One of the things I do to help myself think positive and stay joyful throughout my frustrating days is listen to certain songs, sometimes on repeat for hours at a time, when I'm in my truck and sometimes at my desk. You have to find those songs that not only lift you up, but bring out the joy and empower you to keep going. This song is just that. This coming week keep in mind how precious every moment is; come Monday morning ask yourself what you're doing to make each minute worth it. No one else will give meaning and joy to your life, that's your responsibility. Don't ever give up. Find your joy & share it! 

Happy Valentine's Day - What Is Love? Why Are We Celebrating?

Happy Valentine's Day!! Today is one of my most favorite days of the whole year because it is one day designated solely to the celebration of love. Where so many people go wrong is either by having a narrow minded view of love or by buying into the commercial hype and excitement and forgetting about the real meaning of the day. When people talk about Hallmark Holidays or how they don't like holidays because they are just made up by companies to make more money I just feel sorry for them. They are already missing the whole point of not just that day but every holiday. The days of our lives are what we make them and the meaning our lives have come from the meaning that we give them. These holidays, such as today, are opportunities for us to take a moment and celebrate something in our lives. We only live once and we only get one shot at each day. Sure, you don't have to do anything today. You can sit at home and ignore your phone and watch movies to distract youself all day or find some other form of self-isolation to pass the time. Of course all that's going to do it isolate you further and make you feel miserable. That's you making yourself miserable, no one and nothing else. 

Or on the flip side you can decide to do something, even if you do stay in. Send a message to your brother or sister on Facebook. Call up your mom or dad. Text a picture to your best friend of both of you from when you first met and tell them how glad you are to have them. Thank the coworker who covers for you when you are late. Buy a coffee for the neighbor girl who leaves for work at the same time, or pay for the persons drink behind you in line and don't say anything. Love takes many shapes and forms, that's why it is universal and what makes it so beautiful. Today isn't about buying cards or candy or going out to dinner or getting laid, it's about celebrating the thing that connects us all - love. Love is joy shown outward. When you engage in the world and become a part of it, and when you learn to find your own personal joy, you can learn to share it by loving others unselfishly and wholeheartedly. We are all leaves on the tree of life, it's time we start acknowledging the fact that we are all connected. Connected in all kinds of different ways.There are many forms of love, today we celebrate them all. Happy Valentine's! 😘❤️🌎

Rule #2 - You Fuel Your Own Dreams, Never Give Up

It is often easy in life to feel discouraged and giving up is something that we all do, whether it's weekly, daily or by the minute depends on the person. Sometimes we just have short attention spans, sometimes we don't want to put in the effort that's needed to get the results we thought we wanted. Rule #2 is the perfect follow up to the last post about working hard for your joy. Just like we were talking about before, you are the one who decides where your life is going, how it is getting there and how long you are going to take. Our initiative is what measures our progress. We have to keep going, push ourselves to succeed. I mean, what is succeeding besides finding what things really bring joy to you and holding on to those objects. We can cultivate an atmosphere more conducive to giving us the lives we want to live.
Without you your life is nothing, you are your own star. If you want to go somewhere then get up and go. You fuel your own dreams, never forget that. Never give up because in the end you are the only one fighting for your joy. The only limits we have are the ones we set for ourselves. Just as we know the world is never black and white we now also know that we fuel our own dreams of joy and we can't ever give up. Find something to remind you, so you don't forget. So you never give up.

Just Keep Working - You Can Turn It All Around

If life is what we make it then our joyfulness depends on the amount of effort we put into it. There is nothing more tiring than life itself, being beaten down every day by stress, worry and self doubt can be exhausting. Life will never be any different though; I mean your circumstances may change but there will always be stress and negativity and hardships somewhere in your life. It's just not possible to live a life of complete happiness because happiness can not exist without its opposite, sadness, to define it. We cannot be happy without being sad, just as we cannot have the good days without he bad days. If every day was perfect then it would cease to be perfect and it would just become routine and regular. That excitement and joy that comes with the good days, with the hard earned achievements, exists because we have felt the lows of the bad days. Without those lows we wouldn't have any highs.

So if life is always full of ups and downs the best way to stay on top is to push ahead always looking up. Never give up, the only way to lose at all of this is to give up and cut yourself out of a race in which everyone has the chance to win. Keep yourself busy, the more active you are, whether in mind or body, the better you are going to feel. A lot of times depression tends to sneak in when we aren't paying any attention and we allow ourselves to just take advantage of the down time and do nothing. Don't get me wrong, vegging out and just relaxing sometimes is exactly what we need, but we can't let ourselves fall into that pattern. Which is not very easy to do. I've fallen many times. When we allow our minds to slack off it makes it easy for those thoughts to creep in. It's always a good idea to start getting active when you can feel the black wave looming overhead. Start small by starting back up the things that bring you joy and make you happy. Grab a new book, a blank journal, a coloring book, an easel and paint - anything. Just express yourself and be creative. Go join a book club or explore that city park down the block. Go to the zoo one afternoon and walk around or go in search of a new restaurant you've never been to. Make life exciting, make some adventures. In fact, don't ever stop making adventures. We only live once after all, right? One chance at this thing called life. 

Finding projects and getting involved in the things that bring you joy helps keep you going when the sun gets blocked out by storm clouds. They not only give you the joy that powers you through life but also that sense of accomplishment. Like you contributed in a positive way to the world around you. Not just something you did at work, even though that too may be positive, but something for you. By you. We all have our own talents, hobbies, obsessions, ideas, creativity and on and on. With all of us being different in our own unique ways it's easy to see how there could literally be millions of ways to finding what brings you joy. The key is to never give up. Never stop challenging yourself. When I first moved to Los Angeles about five years ago I was an RN at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center. It was a great job and I learned a lot, but on top of working full time nights I applied for and got a fellowship to conduct research in my unit of the hospital and then present my findings to hospital leadership with recommendations and policy guidelines. It was a lot, but it was a blast and I loved every second. Do you know what prompted me to even respond to that initial inquiry email regarding the application process? My first thought after reading it was that I wouldn't ever be able to do it. Then I stopped myself. I was going to do it. And I did. Last month the hospice that I consult for as Designee Director of Nursing closed which meant I lost some income. Today one of my friends messaged me and asked if I wanted to pick up a couple patients on the weekend once a month up in Palmdale for a little bit of money. My first thought - hell no. I'd be too tired, it's too far, it's too much work, blah blah blah. I stopped myself right there and texted her that instant that I would be able to do some visits for her hospice. It would bring me some of that lost income back and it would make me feel more like a real nurse again. And I will have proven to myself once more that I am capable of great things if I just let myself try.
With the craziness of life that constantly swarms around us it is our responsibility to turn things around when they get too gritty to bear. Take that extra challenge, push yourself to your limits and see what you are capable of. Your dreams are the only things that are the limit, anything is possible if you decide you want to do something. The quote above is one I found the other day while I was walking in Studio City along the LA River. There are three parts to the quote: 1 - Another downpour or hard times are here, 2 - tiny drops of water fall and collect over time, building up from individual droplets and giving it 3 - the power over time to build into the mighty force of a river. Do you know what formed the most-awesome and awe-inspiring Grand Canyon? The Colorado River. It's a nice little reminder that those hard times give us back the power to eventually carve our own existence, our own way out of the darkness and back into the light. Don't ever forget that even in the darkest night the answer is only one decision away. You can turn anything around - just never quit working, or hoping or trying. 

The Path Ahead - Looking Down The Road

A vision for the future, a goal to work towards. With this blog I want to make a difference. I want to turn it into something to really help others and help others help themselves. Coming up to my thirtieth birthday this summer I have been taking a hard look at my life and evaluating my priorities and plans. I want to leave a lasting legacy here on this earth, just as we all do, but that legacy to me doesn't have to be something huge and extravagant. Even something small and hidden can influence people and things for years to come. If people don't remember who I am that's ok, I would rather them be able to remember the things they learned about joy and carry those things with them wherever they go for the rest of their lives. By putting out there my journey to find joy I can hopefully help others fulfill their own journey to a rewarding and meaningful life. To be able to make that kind of difference is all that I want. 

I have to start somewhere though, and that somewhere is right here - Joyful: The Pursuit of Life. I have a vision to use my writing skills and my own life experience to start a community of encouragement and support. I want to start a movement - so here we go. Come join me and let's make a real difference. It all starts with one person deciding to make a change. Looking ahead there are five things that I think we should be working towards. They are as follows:

1 - Application for iPhone/Android - I would like to develop a real smartphone app that allows people to post their joyful moments and share with each other. I want to have a community of support available at everyone's fingertips. More than Facebook, I want to focus on the positive joyful things in life along with the negative hard things going on to help us learn that those hard times will always be there but we can condition ourselves to look at the joyful side of things instead. 

2 - Journal - I really would like to develop a daily journal, online or in print, to help people record their moments of joy to help them focus on those things and draw strength from them. I want it to be something we can go back to throughout the day and say hey - see there, there are good things happening right now I can focus on. A journal to express not just your joy but also the fear and stress and anxiety that the joy is working to conquer. Those negative feelings are there too, they can't be ignored. We have to get them out and then figure out how to deal with them.

3 - Workbook - along with the journal something that helps us as we work through each day and try to focus on those positive things - something that seems to be a daily struggle for most of us. 

4 - Book - eventually I would like to have all of these ideas and prompts and stories but into book form, something you can really sit down and delve into. 

5 - Bracelets - like those rubber wrist bands - something fun and silly to help remind us every time we see it that there is something in life to be joyful about and no matter how hard things seem to be now it will get better. The power of positive thinking. 

There are many avenues to explore, from fundraising to sponsorship to maybe even a Kickstart campaign. The point is I now know where I want to go and where I want to take Joyful: The Pursuit of Life. Come, join me on this awesome adventure. Be a part of your own journey and connect to the wonderful world all around you. 

Joy - You Have to Want It, You Have To Really Want It

Nothing in this life comes easy and anything worth having takes work, some things we have all hopefully come to learn as we grow. On top of that it is a never ending battle, not one you can conquer one day and forget about the next. Every morning when you wake up you start a new day. That means a new chance each and every day to make something of that day and the choice of wether you are going to allow yourself to live with joy or not. It all comes down to you. You have to decide that it is what you want and then you have to go after it with everything you have every day from now on. That's where those seven or eight hours of sleep come in handy; when you wake up refreshed and well-rested it is much easier to remember those joyful things in your life. When you wake up tired or stressed or hurried your brain doesn't even have a chance to focus on seeing the joy all around you. A mind that is preoccupied or hazy is on a single track and that is getting you to point B and getting whatever it is you need accomplished done.

Focusing on the joy in your life is like having two film loops running at once in your mind. The first one is playing everything that is happening here and now and everything you are thinking about at that moment and the second one is shown as if through a filter. Through this filter the only things aloud are feelings of joy and the long standing feelings of joy and comfort that we carry with us to keep us strong. Those individual little moments of joy and happiness that we carry our whole lives are what make us who we are and what make us stand out as amazing individuals.
When you wake up on those mornings when you have only had four hours of sleep and are late to work you have to remember and hold on to those things that bring you joy. You have to have those things running on that second loop in the back of your mind all day. It's important to hold on to those because on those days when everything is going on there won't be anything else to help pull you up out of the mire. You have to want that joy, that inner peace among the war, in order to get it, really really want it.
I had been feeling down for a week or two until yesterday when I realized, while I was diving my truck to work on the freeway, that I was on that verge of being joyful and content but for some reason I was stuck and couldn't get there. Something felt off, and it made everything else feel just a little bit off somehow too. So that afternoon when I got off work I went to the Sepulveda Wildlife Basin & Dam for a hike in the sunny eighty-four degree weather. After I got home I sat down in bed with my laptop and worked on my husband's website for a couple of hours doing a complete overhaul while I watched tv. Then I did my taxes, yep just did them all there myself. It really only took me like thirty minutes and now that is all done. Sitting in bed writing I felt so good because I felt like I had accomplished and done so much. I felt good about myself, my body felt better and more relaxed. I felt more joyful whereas earlier I felt so lost and like I was under a crumbling mountain of stress. I have a new meditation application I bought for my iPhone as well that I really want to try. That is my challenge to myself this week. To try and see how that helps. I will follow up and let you know.
The point to all of this though is to remind you that you have to keep that second track running in the back of your mind. You do. It's all up to you to see it there, to focus on it and stay focused as you go through life. The next time you start to feel discouraged try, like me, to see that second reel and when you do - focus on that. It is there, I promise it is. It is something we have to try for every day, we can't get complacent in our contentment and joyfulness. The difference between having joy and wanting it is actually doing something about it. 

Rule #1

Life Is Never Balck & White

The Joy of Being & Living Free

Today Summertime returned early to Southern California as 80-degree weather and sunshine took over the skies and cast their radiance upon us. We weren't the only ones to notice the surge in energy either, the dogs felt it more than anything. They stay pretty active, but today they got to run free while we stopped in to visit one of our good friends from the neighborhood. Sansa and Dany both love it there, Sansa more so I think because of her playful side. Today she kept running up to our neighbors' chihuahua trying to get her to start a chase around the yard and when she couldn't succeed she would whine and bark until someone came over to play. Her carelessness and happiness struck me more than anything I'd seen in a while. I have always envied dogs, with a good owner all they have to worry about is making it to tomorrow. Their lives are stress-free. Well, not exactly with these two. Both of them, Dany much more so, go manic when left alone too long or when they are away from us for more than a couple hours. It's one of the things I love about them, how close we have become and how safe we can make them feel. Seeing them so happy today made me feel awesome. It was like being reenergized again, recharged. We all need to be more like these dogs in our lives. We need to be more willing to let the shackles that bind us come off; after all, we are the ones who put them there to begin with. Life isn't stressful; it may be difficult but life is life. It is impersonal, the universe allows things to happen at chance and at random. We are the ones who tell ourselves we need to worry about or try and fix things out of our own control. Take a moment and let out a deep breath. If you have a dog take it for a walk and play with him or her, spend time with whatever pet you have. Learn from them; take in their sprit, their energy and their joyful determination. If you don't have a dog then go for a walk in the park or lie in bed and put on your headphones to listen to a rainstorm or bird sounds on your phone, YouTube and Google have an endless supply of resources. Take a moment and relax, breathe and focus on you. Take in the sunshine, it isn't always there to enjoy. Make good use of it. Dogs, our best friends, seem to be able to cast off the shadows and cobwebs of life and bound and leap for joy with no limits. Let's try to be a little more like them and see if our stress doesn't go down even just a bit.  

Rule #1 - Life Is Never Black & White

Here we go, "Ray" or "Rule" number one. This is not only important but helps build the foundation of the rest, leading up to the final most important rule for living a joyful life. This basic principle is one we have all heard before but probably never put much thought into; life is never black and white - nothing about it is. Growing up we see the world in only two ways - good and bad. Everything is either one of those things. As we grow though we learn to realize that most things in life fall somewhere in between in the grey area, between the black and white rules and restraints our society has put into place. So much stress and worry come when we try to put something into that black or white area when it won't fit and nothing we do can change that. An example is that of labels, meaning the kind that we as a society place on each other in order to categorize. On the surface this isn't a bad thing, as humans when we meet someone new we base our initial encounter off what we have come to believe about similar people we have met in the past in order to better understand and grasp a new situation.

Problem - we are all more than a label. So much more.

The problem comes when labels turn into stereotypes and carry negative connotations. When we start to assume things about people before we get to know or even talk to them we are using those predetermined connotations against ourselves. Stereotypes are nothing more than set ways of thinking  in terms of black and white. You are either a good person or a bad person. You are rich or you are poor. The list goes on and on into infinity. Black and white can be applied to people, emotions, actions, beliefs or anything else you can think of. We try to compartmentalize and understand the world around us by setting up "shortcuts" in our mind to help us think and asses new situations faster as we face them. Problem is that we as humans aren't that predictable because we are all individuals with our own likes and dislikes, tastes and preferences; our fingerprint on the world so to speak. Think about it this way, do you want people to make up their mind about you before you ever even speak to them just because they assume something about you? No, of course not, no one does. We want people to recognize, accept and value us for who we really are - a million shades of grey. Example, if we had a list of all the traits any one human possesses/could possess and all the possible answers we could see just how different we all are while still being so very much the same. Even just one of a million questions different makes two people ever-slightly different shades of grey. The shades of grey out there are endless and limitless. While our mind may want to default to it's pre-set thoughts and notions it is up to you to train yourself to think differently. You must remind yourself constantly that things are not concrete, that there are rarely any rules that can't be broken in certain circumstances.
So much stress and anxiety come from worrying about things that aren't "normal" or "perfect" and working out in our minds what we can possibly do to not necessarily make the situation right, but to make it normal. Make it look right. After I get in a fight with someone or even say something hotly to a coworker I spend hours and hours beating myself up for possibly being perceived as mean or cruel or a bad person. I can't see myself as human, flawed - I tell myself I should be held to the perfect standard and when I can't possibly live up I berate myself endlessly. I am still teaching myself how to take a step back and see that just because I did one thing I am not a bad person and I don't need to spend the next four hours freaking out in my head for nothing. Accept reality and adapt to it. Another example, there are so many nights where I come home from work and I spend most of my night worrying obsessively over one of the client's at the houses (I am an RN who works with adults with disabilities) because they haven't gone to the bathroom or they aren't eating or their seizure activity has been up or their behavior is out of control. I have to remind myself, all the time, that my worrying does nothing except stress me out so that if I was ever needed in an emergency I would be too distracted to handle it right. I tell myself that normal people get sick and have problems and have to learn to live with them. These guys tend to have more health problems, worrying because something wasn't fitting exactly into a box wouldn't do any good for anyone. Peace comes in accepting that in this case the "normal" isn't what it normally is.
When you refuse to forgive your friend after they sincerely asked forgiveness for betraying a confidence you are automatically lumping them in the "bad" group because of one mistake. A mistake that they apologized for. How many times a day do you apologize? How many times a day should you be apologizing? Seeing things in black and white comes from stereotypes and pre-conceived ideas about how a certain group of people are. Allow yourself to see the grey in people, in situations and most importantly in life. The more we try to force life into our own mental constraints the more anxiety and angst we give ourselves. Be open to accepting the world as it is, stormy and grey. When the thunderclouds are rolling in and the air gets that smell you know rain is coming. Those clouds, as they pass slowly overhead, are layer upon layer of different shades of grey and black and white. It could be raining in the driveway and the sun could be shining in the backyard. It could be sprinkling on one side of the road and pouring rain on the other. Things are grey, the only black and white that exist are mixed together to form the ever changing tapestry of life.
If you are having a hard time think about it like this instead: there are an infinite number of numbers between 0.0 and 1.0, it doesn't have to just be 0 or 1.

Finding Joy In The Everyday Versus Finding Your Personal Joy

As we start down this new road I feel that it is important to distinguish between two very different things. Joy exists on two different levels so to speak. There is the joy they we have to find in the day to day situations we are put in as well as finding the things that personally bring us joy. The difference has to do with adapting and paving your own way. There will always be bad things happening around us and to us, from now until forever. We have no control over the world, only ourselves and our own reactions. It is a constant daily struggle for most of us to find joy when it seems like nothing in our lives is going right. I still spend most of my day consciously trying to turn my thinking around. It isn't easy, it's something that takes time and practice. It isn't always pretty either. This is where the whole definition of Joy comes into play. Joy doesn't mean plastering an unwavering smile on your face when tough times arise, it means acknowledging all the bad around you and instead choosing to focus on the good things - the things that make you happy to be here on this earth right now. Life will always have its downs, just as it will always have its ups. By holding onto our own joy we can keep ourselves going. This is now where the second form of joy comes into play, that joy that you learn to hold on to for dear life is your own personal joy. What makes you happy? What interests you? What are your passions? We are all unique individuals with vastly different tastes, but each of us have those things that make us happy to be alive. Whether it's listening to rain through the open window or the smell of chocolate chip cookies, all that matters is that they are important to us. Finding your personal joy and holding on to it gives you the strength and guidance you need to find the joy in each and every day as you face it and fight to be happy. By holding tightly to our own joy we allow ourselves to clearly see our struggles for what they really are. Whether peaceful or hectic, stressful or relaxing, there will always come a point where you will need the strength that comes from the joy inside of each of us. The difficult part is tapping into that and learning how to harness it. It takes time. Get to know yourself, explore what you like. Explore what you don't like, what you don't know. Be adventurous. Live. 

Coming up I am going to delve into something I've been thinking about a lot lately - "The 5 Rays" or 5 Rules To Live A Joy-Filled Life. These five principles I hope will help all of us recognize how to live a more joy-filled life! Find Your Joy & Share It!! 👣🕶☀️🌎