My Heart On My Sleeve - Tattoo #6 & The Most Defining Of All, Who I Will Always Be

My next tattoo was really like my first tattoo because it was my first "real" big one that was more than just black words. And this one took three hours too instead of twenty minutes. I remember going to get it late one afternoon on an off day like Sunday or something. There aren't a lot of people in the shop and the guy who did my tattoo was a cool young guy with a shaved head and black-plastic rimmed glasses. I had brought in my actual Anatomy & Physiology textbook from my Nursing School days at the University of Tennessee. I opened to the Cardiac System Introduction and showed him the detailed & enlarged drawing of the human heart with every muscle and vesicles and vein and connective tissue. From that alone he got to work on my arm. No drawing it up beforehand, it really would have been too hard to draw it up that detailed and it wouldn't have been organic on my arm either. I was really happy how he did it. He was truly one of the greatest tattoo artists I have ever witnessed. He freestyled that heart perfectly onto my arm. Perfectly. He tweaked in minute ways a couple of things but they were so slight and he did it in amazing ways. Like where I had a mole or birthmark he would turn it into a little defect of the heart or a part of one of the arteries or veins. It is truly unique to me. 

Around the outside, going all the way around my arm, is a ring of thorns. Thorns holding my heart right there on my sleeve as if it had literally been ripped out and strapped to my upper arm with the thorny branches of the rose. Perfectly me, what more could I ask for? I felt like this was me in every way, in the truest way. Like this was my soul-tattoo, or spirit-tattoo, like the one that was always chosen and destined for me. Although the back part of the ring of thorns, across the back of my upper arm, hurt more than any other tattoo I have ever gotten. Something about the nerves in that spot, but I teared up bad uncontrollably for the ten or so minutes he was finishing that part. I was glad to get that part done. 

Even the colors are shaded to match the flow of blood and oxygenation, and you can see all the matching parts and muscles. By now the color has faded a little but I kind of like it. It has that worn look almost, like it's a part of me, but to me that makes it all the more perfect. When people ask me about my favorite tattoo or why I get them or really anything at all the first thing my mind goes to is this single tattoo. It's the one. The one that means the most to me, because to me it just is me. I wear my heart on my sleeve in every aspect: I'm honest to a fault, I put my everything into all I do, I always speak my mind and stand up for my beliefs and I open myself up to vulnerability and real pain and growth. This is me and it always will be. Everyone will know it too, but again that's just part of why it is what it is. This one means the most, this one is the most me. To me it was almost as if I were taking that painful sensation you get in your chest when you feel like you've been hurt because you're too vulnerable or exposed and giving it an actual face, a place to be. A reminder and a reservoir for the oncoming pain and heartache that will always come. I wanted, and got, a reminder of that heartache and that at every moment it was already on its way for more and I had better just always be ready. That's ok though, that's who I am; who I always will be.  ☠❤️💔

Tattoos #4 & #5 - Honor & Truth

For tattoo's #4 & #5 I decided to finish out the balance completely and get two more words, one on the top of each wrist to match the ones already on the bottom. So far I had "Love" & "Joy," what would work with those? I remember debating for a while, going back and forth. Trying to find that meaning, those special words that just spoke to me. One word I kept coming back to, "Honor." Something about the word, I just love how it sounds. I love how old the word is, the meaning and history behind it. When I think of "Honor" I think of Knights and Kings and the ability to truly have power to your name. A title conveys so much, more than only a label. To be called honorable is to convey so much more than just who you are but what you stand for. A man, or woman for that matter, of honor stands for truth, courage and what is right above any and all else. 

I wanted something for me, something to remind me of justice and what is right. Something to aim for in this life, a goal worthy of achieveing. What can be more fulfilling, for yourself and those around you, then living a life of honor? Honor is a term that isn't used much anymore; the values of integrity, honor and truth have gone by the wayside in the not so distant past. In a world that moves so quickly it is easier to focus only on yourself and your own needs. What makes you better than this world, being able to take a step above it, is putting others before yourself. We only have one life to live and one set of choices we can make. Living with honor means living according to what is right and not just what is easiest or more beneficial. It means to have respect for someone, and it is considered a privilege.

I wanted to be reminded to live a life not just for myself, but for what was right. For what was worth standing up for. If I only have one shot at this I want to make sure that it's worth it and that I truly can make a difference and show others that they can do so as well. It is a privilege to do the right thing, not an obligation. I have one legacy I leave behind and I won't let it be one of fear, cowardice, selfishness, guilt or having to finish at all costs. It's not about the end of the race, but how you run it. 

What do "Honor" & "Truth" have in common? Integrity, that was the link connecting the ideas I had in my head. I needed those reminders to act with integrity, the integrity I knew I had, even when faced with impossibly frustrating situations. I wanted a chivalrous token to remind me of the man I needed to be. Truth was acting with integrity as well, more so speaking with integrity. It is a hard thing to always tell the truth because the meaning and implication of truth are far reaching and never ending. We can not come back from the truth once we have been exposed and yet we can not really live at all if don't live in the truth. There is the truth we tell, there is the truth we believe and there is the truth we live. All three are consequentially one in the same, just unique to each of us. Finding this truth about ourselves is something that for most takes a lifetime, but if we are lucky we can find glimpses along the way of life. Holding onto those flashes of ourselves give us a glimpse of the true us and the true self we are striving to find and hold on to. I chose "Truth" to remind me of the inner Jeremy, the true me that would always be there. That's the self I couldn't lose, couldn't really betray or hurt. I put "Truth" on my right wrist opposite "Joy," to remind me that the Joy I seek everyday to keep me going is based on my true self and the only way to share that joy with the world around me is to use my true self. "Honor" went right where is belonged, opposite "Love" on the left wrist. Where else does love belong besides with honor I asked myslef? Honor is the defense of love pure and simple. I knew the things I wanted to be reminded of and I knew their importance. It more than felt right. I remember having them done by a good friend who was leaving town, before he left he did them both at the same time in his apartment where he had made a big clean space and sterilized all his tools. It was an awesome experience I will never forget, and finally having my wrists complete felt freaking great. 5 down - who knows how many more to go!