One Step At A Time, Never Thinking Of More Than What Surrounds You

My biggest problems in life have always been depression and anxiety. Even when I was a kid I remember lying in bed at night and praying for the safety and health of me, my family, my friends, my friend's family, friends of my friends and their families too. Over and over I would go through everything in my head like a practiced rhythm, making sure to include every tiny detail and person. I would pray for people I didn't know, for strangers and neighbors. I couldn't stand the thought or worry over someone being hurt, and believe it or not those thoughts were always there no matter what I did. But if I went through my rituals it helped me cope and made things more bearable. I of course have always missed the fact that the problem isn't trying to find rituals to cope but to learn to live without the anxiety to begin with. Taking it day by day has always been a foreign concept to me, therefore so has happiness. I mean, I know what it feels like to be happy, but true happiness I didn't discover until a few short years ago. I still struggle today, but it is much easier than before. Learning how to live both Joyfully and Mindfully have guided me to a life not free of bad things and negativity, but free of needless anxiety and worry over things that are neither under my control nor even necessary to worry about. 

I have ground my teeth bad since I was a young kid, probably starting in high school. By the time I got to college the dentist asked if I had a stressful job because I had ground my k9's completely flat, all of my teeth were and are now completely flat. When I get really stressed I will do it throughout the day without even realizing. That's when the headaches get really bad, although I still get plenty in the mornings from nighttime grinding. The sound, just thinking about it makes me cringe and tremble. I wear a night guard now and it helps most of the time. The point is I really take anxiety to heart and I don't let go. It has really been a challenge for me to let go of the reigns and allow myself to just be. When you think about it though, it is all we truly have. The here and now, what is right in front of us. That is life, our lives. The lives we are supposed to be living. All we have is today because we really have no freaking idea if we will be alive tomorrow. That thought has terrified me since I was a little kid, knowing I could and would eventually die any day of any number of things. That is what makes life precious, that is what makes it mean something. We are only here for a short time and what we do in that time is what matters. Our lives have value because they are mortal. Just like a rose has its value because it will eventually wilt and die and no longer be beautiful. 

We have to think of life like a flower, it's going to end sometime in the future and we have to live every moment to the fullest because we don't know how many of them we are going to get. You never know what you have until it's gone. I wear my mala beads everyday under my shirt to work, to the store, around the house, and they are amazingly calming. There are times where I won't have too long but I will stop for even just a few seconds and recite my mantra moving bead to bead and focusing my intention and thoughts. It makes me feel safe, it makes me feel a little stronger. My mantra helps too. That's the first step. Pick one for yourself if you don't have one, think about it and make it something that is important to you. Something that has meaning. Something that is relatively short and easy to remember and repeat. Make it something that describes who you feel you really are, make it something to give you strength and empower you. I was walking through the multi-level and multi-enclosure Aviary at the LA Zoo the other day when I saw this staircase going down. I was so busy looking over the edge at the birds and small animals that I took each step slowly and carefully and used the railing to help my clumsy self. It reminded me of being mindful and living in the present, literally taking it one step at a time. The path ahead curved downward, how fitting to complete the metaphor for life. You don't know what's coming, no one does. Live today to the fullest while making sure tomorrow is secured. Don't waste time over worry and unnecessary stress, all stress is unnecessary by the way. Things will always get rough, find your mantra and be mindful. Taking it one step, one day, at a time is the best place to start when you want to take control of your life and turn it into one filled with Joy and free of anxiety and stress. 

The Embodiment of Joy & The Mindfulness of Pets

I think there is a lot that we can learn from animals, but not just animals in general - pets in particular. Animals have lived along & beside us on this planet for millennia, but it is interesting the ones that we have been able to domesticate and to what degree and even then what changed about them over time. I wonder if my Chihuahuas would be different if they lived years and years ago before they would have been domesticated, I am assuming somewhere in South America. We have changed them, for better or worse; we intervened as we so often do and will continue to so long as we have the mentality that everything on this planet is disconnected. I always had a pet growing up, a small family dog. When I was young there was a small black dog I think, I only really have one memory of him - watching The Little Mermaid spread out on the white quilt in front of the television with him nuzzled up next to me. Then there was Nicki who stayed with us for the rest of his life, he was a little mix of Yorkie & some other breeds. He was small, but not tiny small. My brother and I would help take care of him. We had our first big dog Jake when I was in high school, and he just recently passed away at my parent's house in Tennessee. Losing a pet is hard because we become so attached to them. We may cry when our favorite figurine or figure breaks but it stops after a minute or two. Losing a pet is like losing someone in your family, your pain stays forever and hurts like knives of steel. It's because, unlike those figures, that pet loved you back.
You can see it in their eyes, especially when you come home from anywhere. Dogs, up to an extent, forgive their owners for almost anything. Even when you mess up they come around and come back to you because they love you and want to be by your side. If you don't believe me see how protective they get when someone else comes around, even if they aren't loud about it. Or watch when he or she gets scared or nervous in public or in large groups and where they turn to. To you. At one time my therapist wrote me a Rx for an Emotional Support Therapy Dog. She got registered and all, but when it comes down to it she isn't like a blind-assistance dog. For me though, she kind of is. We share the same birthday, a fact we didn't know until about 8 months after rescuing her. How odd is that, the same day in June? Maybe thats what explains the connection between us. She looks at me and she always knows what I'm thinking. She can tell in a moment if I am becoming insecure or upset or unhappy or nervous and she will come next to me and won't leave. We calm each other down and always know when one of us needs the other. It was funny the other day when she got frustrated with me, on the bed she nudged my hand an inch in one direction. I looked at her and she did it again, and again, and again and then my hand hit a pillow. She wanted me to pick the pillow up and cover her up. So as soon as I picked it up she curled back up and I covered her with the pillow as she passed out like a light. I know they do not compare to having a child, but dogs are complex emotional beings who live with you and become a real dynamic and part of your family and your heart. My other chihuahua is still a puppy and so rambunctious it drives us crazy most of the time. She is never still, from the moment she wakes up until the moment she passes out. The only break is either work or unleashing her at the dog park. She is sweet though, and so loving and trusting. She falls asleep curled up right next to me when I am sitting in or on the side of the bed working. It's like she melts into you, sometimes you can't even tell at first. She will even fall asleep with her head resting on my hand. The trust in that moment alone brought me so much Joy it's indescribable. Having a dog like my little Dany though, who knows me just as much as myself and is in tune with my every flaring emotion, is the best thing in the world. When I get anxious she starts trembling for no apparent reason. When I am normal and relaxed she is calm and stable. We keep each other going, we are each others Joy. She is just as much a part of my family as my loving husband.It's also funny to note how pet's have no concept of the future beyond where will they get their next meal and some attention. They also do not live in the past or dwell on memories. They react, they act, they live in the now. They live in this moment because it's what they are thinking of. We could learn a thing or two about that. When you take your dog for a walk in the afternoon and his tongue is hanging out and he looks like he's smiling as he walks all cool like down the street notice him or her and what they are doing. They aren't worrying about the bills, they are looking at the tree next to them and how tall it is. What about those huge flowers over there covering that wall? They look at the sidewalk and the grass, the fenceposts and signposts. They enjoy taking in each part of the walk and savoring it as if each step were through a different universe, each step needing to be enjoyed. Dogs, or most dogs, have mastered the art of mindfulness. If you have a pet, lie down and chill with him or her. Turn on some music or soft tv or whatever you want. Play with each other for a few minutes, even just 5, and see if after that you aren't thinking more mindfully. Like how his fur felt on your hand, or how her tongue felt on your fingertips or how his nose wet the tip of your nose. Enjoy your pet and learn a lesson, a lesson of mindfulness and Joy.

Lost Looking For Life - Being Purposely Mindful on Purpose

I was recently introduced to the concept of mindfulness, well let me put it this way - I was recently introduced to the label for what I already knew was mindfulness. One of the most recent tattoos I got was the symbol for mindfulness on the inside of my right wrist to always remind me to stay present and aware. That is the only way to live a joyful or happy life, that's really the only way to live life at all. I knew why I wanted another tattoo and the spot that I needed to fill in, but more than that I knew that feeling - that message to myself - that belonged there. I went searching and when I came across the symbol I knew it was perfect for me. Anxiety and stress have both become controlling factors in my life, as if they have taken over and sabotage my attempts at a joyful life. Through practicing mindfulness I can exert some control back over my life and who I am. I can start to learn what Joy is again and learn how to live life the way it is meant to be lived. 

What is mindfulness? What exactly does that word mean? I'm still personally trying to conceptualize and put it into words that can explain what it means to me. The easiest way is to say that mindfulness means paying close attention to present experiences with curiosity, openness and a willingness to live with what already is as it is. It is taking a slow deep breath and taking a look at the world around you that you're interacting with and realIzing you are a part of it all. And you are contributing to it. And taking away from it. You are one small piece of a world you miss out on when you spend your time on your phone or lost in worry and stress over things you can never affect anyhow. To me, being mindful simply means taking the time to let go and live life in the here and now. 

Practicing mindfulness can be useful in our everyday lives because it can be an amazing tool to help us make active changes that need to be made. Meditation, a tool to help develop mindfulness, is a deliberate and sustained practice of noticing what is happening in your reality and where it is happening - thoughts, emotions and physical sensations all noted and observed in order to learn, reflect and seek guidance. The goal here though is to observe rather than to act and change. If being mindful means living in the here and now then meditating is the reflection before the action of living can happen. While one is a way to live the other is a way to learn to silence oneself in order to better be able to live mindfully. Let me give you an example. I am an RN and have worked many years on the floor and at the bedside in the hospital. Part of my job was to assist the MD with delicate bedside procedures. I was always mindful, being aware of what is happening and my emotions. Aware of the physical sensations I feel and attendant to my surroundings. Paying attention to detail, the detail of this moment and only this moment. It makes me safer and it makes the situation safer, it's responsible. Now it wouldn't be responsible to start meditating there at the bedside, it would be disastrous. While meditating I would just simply observe and never act to do or change anything. I need to react there at the bedside and if I don't then the situation becomes dangerous. 

Being mindful is always possible, anywhere at any time. Meditation is a tool we can use at certain times to help open ourselves up and make us better at being mindful. We can learn practices that help us along the way that stay with us for life, practices that help ground us and remind us to be mindful of the time we are living in. An important part of all of this is the aspect of concentration or having an anchor. This is something that holds you to the present moment; it could be your breath, the sensation in your toes, how your clothes feel, or even how your special token feels sitting in your hand. Something physical that brings a sense of calm and peace, that helps serve as a guide toward your meditative place. Focusing on these things as you are trying and starting to meditate help bring you to that calm spot. I use my little stone carved turtle in my hand and the feeling and shape of the smoothly polished stone as I breath in and out. Because it's small I can carry it everywhere with me. Whatever it is for you go for it. Maybe it's how your back feels when you relax back and take deep breaths, find that anchor that is for you. That thing that holds you to your inner self is your biggest help and guide, your best friend. Find that anchor and hold on, keep it there for when you need it - because you will need it. Besides all the amazing mental and physical health benefits, research has found that mindfulness actually changes our brains by increasing the density of gray matter in brain regions linked to learning, memory, emotion regulation and empathy. It can help with anything because it also helps your health and general well being. It makes you a better more well-rounded person. 

Here's my challenge to you: find one routine physical activity that is normal for you, something you do most days, and start an experiment. Try doing it mindfully. Whether it is doing your hair, showering, brushing your teeth, cooking, eating, whatever it is - do it mindfully. That means paying attention to what you are doing - being in the here and now. Do it deliberately and slowly and notice the thought, emotions and sensations that you feel while doing it. Don't be distracted by the TV or radio, conversation or your iPhone, and don't hurry to get it done. Just enjoy doing it, that's life. That's the only life we have. Try it, the more you practice the easier it gets. The task you are working on will always get finished, but when done mindfully it can give so much more meaning and depth to any and every part of life and expand your Joy ten-fold.